tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39740033281503545862024-02-22T00:23:17.721-08:00 PLEASANT GEHMAN: CONFESSIONS OF A POSTMODERN SHOWGIRLLurid tales and scandalous true stories by writer and performer Pleasant Gehman, aka Princess Farhana Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-7541455850541991082018-10-02T18:15:00.005-07:002018-10-02T18:15:36.508-07:00THE MISADVENTURES OF A GRAVEYARD GIRL<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc9dpHRevhECgWRs8o9G__VMd21QZ48KC0PjzpiOvxZGSzk19o1yqdRA4Mfnfa18z4onOZE3Eh_KIaX4mzAbmlSCjwxdFRdqIT68Dj9atQkILLtveZJrcyd7qcBEu5NdIzMG9BwyauiEBp/s1600/+smell+doug+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="505" data-original-width="484" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc9dpHRevhECgWRs8o9G__VMd21QZ48KC0PjzpiOvxZGSzk19o1yqdRA4Mfnfa18z4onOZE3Eh_KIaX4mzAbmlSCjwxdFRdqIT68Dj9atQkILLtveZJrcyd7qcBEu5NdIzMG9BwyauiEBp/s320/+smell+doug+.jpg" width="306" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Breathing deeply, my mouth opened
wide, yearning to receive his essence, feeling him in my very core. This…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">thing</i> we had together went on at least
twice a week and lasted for years, from the late 1970’s to the mid 1990’s. It
wasn’t a booty call; it was a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ritual</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Around midnight, I’d steal through the always-unlocked gates in
of Hollywood Memorial Park, and head directly to Douglas Fairbanks’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>monument.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bounding down the stairs and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>trotting<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>the length of the magnificent reflection pool, my anticipation grew,
knowing I was about to commune with the star of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Robin
Hood, The Thief of Baghdad, Zorro.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I needed his devil-may-care,
swashbuckling, adventurous spirit… so I’d cram my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">entire face</i> into the vents of his tomb, open my mouth as big as a
Great White Shark, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and inhale deeply
until I almost passed out. I was valiantly trying to absorb his silent movie
star<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>DNA, hoping<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it would affect my genetic makeup by<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>changing my chromosomes. Though I’d ingested
copious amounts of controlled
substances<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in my life,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>none were as potent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vents on Douglas Fairbank’s sarcophagus
have been cemented shut <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for decades, and
the cemetery gates are <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>now padlocked at
dusk, but in the ‘70’s, you could <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just walk
right in after dark- and several people did. Back then, not only were the main
gates carelessly left open, the entire place was in such<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dire disrepair it looked like a set from a
mid-sixties Hammer Films<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>B-Movie Vampire
flick. All that was missing was Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The baroque wrought iron doors<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the Edwardian Era mausoleums were rusted
and hanging from their hinges; some had been pried off and lay on the
ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few of the mausoleums had
visible-and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>severely vandalized-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wooden coffins inside, surrounded with broken
beer bottles and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>covered in “R13” spray
paint tags<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the local gang The Rebels. Pre-1920’s grave
stones tilted at crazy angles due to the ground settling; weeds grew rampant;
the grass was rarely mowed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bouquets of weather-worn
cheap plastic flowers <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and fading,
shredded<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>miniature American flags stood
forlornly on the markers. A few pieces of statuary were missing hands or the
tips of their angelic wings, others were defaced with graffiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">In those days, the cemetery
was like an after-hours<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hot spot for juvenile
delinquent punks like me: it was free to get in, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>no one carded you, and you could make <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all sorts of noise <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cause the neighbors… weren’t alive! I spent
more time, did more drugs and had more
sex in the graveyard than I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever</i> did <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in my house. I actually<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>considered<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hollywood Memorial Park my <i>bedroom</i>. My favorite spot for dead-of-night (pun intended) erotic encounters was the island monument. I’d
bring my leopard print flannel sleeping bag, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a handful of qualuudes,and a hot squeeze.
Sometimes<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we’d actually pass out there,
waking up as dawn broke.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had sex with humans with the dead as voyeurs: sprawling on the
markers for Jayne Mansfield, Tyrone
Power, Cecil B. DeMille and on the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>marble
floor<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>under Rudolph Valentino. Raised as
a feminist, I avenged Fatty Arbuckle’s rape of Virginnia Rappe by copulating on
her grave, leaving her a paper cupful of Cold Duck and an earring <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as an offering. I hooked up with a cute goth guy
I’d just met at a show on Mel Blank’s monument while we were both on acid. When
he said “What’s Up Doc?” in a Bugs Bunny voice after we were done, I thought
for sure we could build a <i>long term meaningful relationship</i>…but I never saw him again. THAT’S ALL, FOLKS!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The following <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>incident took place during the very rainy Spring
of 1978. I’d just turned <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>nineteen and
was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>once again tripping my brains out on
LSD. The Mumps were in town from New York City. Darlings of the Lower East Side
CBGB punk scene, The Mumps were lead by the infamous Lance Loud, who’d come out
on national television on <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the PBS show “An
American Family”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d interviewed <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Mumps for <i>Slash Magazine</i>, and they’d just
been on the cover of <i>Lobotomy: The Brainless Magazine</i> a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Xerox fanzine I did with my buddy,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>photographer Theresa Kereakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was one of the only people in our crowd <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with a car-a little Honda that had
recently<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>transported a load of crazies
up to San Francisco to see The Sex Pistols <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>at Winterland. One night, Theresa, my roommate
Kid Congo of The Gun Club (and later,The Cramps, Nick Cave, etc.etc.)) and I too The Mumps bassist
Kevin Kiley to get a whiff of Douglas Fairbanks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cracked bottles of illegally purchased
Mickey’s Big Mouth as we sloshed through the muddy overgrown grass, showing
Kevin our favorite monuments. Though I was appalled so many graves had been
vandalized, I thought<i> nothing</i> of plucking Easter Lilies from the bouquets the
living had left <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for their dearly
departed. I loved fresh flowers and couldn’t<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>afford them…plus, the recipients were<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
dead</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kevin helped me gather up a big bouquet<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as we chanted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>over and over in a Katherine Hepburn voice,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> "</span>THE CALLA LILLIES ARE IN BLOOM!"<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow I fell behind the group, stopping at a
life-sized statue of a weeping woman, her hands covering her face. I watched in
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>morbid fascination as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the collected water from the recent rain slowly
dripped through her fingers like tears, splashing onto the granite pedestal. I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>thought I heard a low whistle, but chalked it
up to being freaked by <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the spooky statue, until I heard bushes rustling…and then footsteps. Stiffening in fear, I went as alert and still as a hunted doe. I heard men’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>voices mumbling; they <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>seemed very
close by, and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">definitely</i> not wildlife, a ghost or a hallucination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt their eyes on me and knew it wasn’t my
imagination, so I walked away<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>swiftly,
but as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>casually as possible to find the
others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“There’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>people here,” I said in a breathless <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>whisper, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“They’re hiding<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think
they’ve been watching us…and…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we should
go…like now!”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kid rolled his eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d taken acid<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>together so many times, he knew I was prone to
outre thoughts<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and obsessive behavior.
Once, at my insistence <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we spent hours
examining the entire contents of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a box
of Ritz Crackers individually <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to see if
they really had SEX stamped onto them as a subliminal suggestion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“
You’re just being<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>paranoid,” Kid said
patiently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ No, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">swear</i>!”,
I gasped, trying<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>not to flip out. “We
gotta get outta here!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a loud whistle- we all heard it and
whirled around in unison. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">A tall, heavy set man
appeared from behind one of the mausoleums. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had wild long black hair and crazy eyes and
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was brandishing a long length of lead
pipe. He ran towards us as a second man, also armed with a pipe, closed in, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>coming from the area near the front gates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Run!” Kevin yelled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all took off, instinctively sprinting for the east
wall of the cemetery,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the one bordering
Van Ness, because Theresa had parked<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>there. Kid was already<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on top of
the wall, extending his hand <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as I threw
my Easter Lilies over before climbing up. Getting a boost from Kevin, I used the
thick ivy to hold on but it was slippery with dew. Though Theresa was last to
scale the wall, she <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>unlocked the car
with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>miraculous speed. As we pulled out,
the first thug grabbed the door Kid was closing, and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with abnormal strength, kept <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it open until Theresa<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>backed <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the Honda <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>up abruptly, knocking him to the sidewalk. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sped south on Van Ness, the thug’s late
model Impala in hot pursuit. For nearly thirty minutes, we darted in and out of
small, quiet side streets <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>at high speed,
trying to lose the men, but they followed so closely it was impossible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile, I was having a legit panic attack in
the back seat because <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>there were giant
slugs crawling all over the lilies I’d stolen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As we lurched<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>around corners, I
started screaming…not at the situation, but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from Slug Panic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a phobic
fugue state,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shoved every stalk that had a slug on it to
Kevin, who,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to humor me- and probably to make me shut the fuck up- started stuffing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>them out the small window vent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Non-stop lilies flew onto the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Impala’s windshield, like floral missiles.
There were , nine or ten huge Calla lilies plastered on it, and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in hindsight, I’m reasonably sure that the
lack of visibility they created<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was the
only <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>reason Theresa<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was able to make it onto Melrose Avenue.
She<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hung a left,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and with a squeal of tires, made a huge donut,
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>driving illegally on purpose<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hoping to attract the attention of the cops.
Finally, we lost the thugs <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and jammed
down the deserted street <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>going 90mph <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all the way to La Brea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Completely shaken, we exited the car and gratefully
entered her apartment. The Mumps’ drummer Paul Rutner, who’d opted out of the cemetery
excursion in favor of rest, was shocked when he saw our faces. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“ What the hell <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>happened to you guys? “ he asked, adding
without<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a drop of irony,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“You’re as white as ghosts!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">#<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> </b><b style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Come
say hi to me on the Inter-Webs !</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">www.pleasantgehman.com</span></b></a><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></b><br />
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br /> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-79540400864260350982017-02-15T13:43:00.002-08:002017-02-15T13:43:37.350-08:00 SADIST BOOTS: THE ADVENTURES OF AN UNDERAGE STRIPPER IN 1970'S NEW YORK<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2qmgDFNlZ0Asw4l4dzxKjhr_IRHNXQVN_iInKoUqUVdT3KqSjSQ7EFDdZmRrCHrAwvfH5oBEY6rC4zkGP-RpmfylJLuLb3iFp1Dq5DfYMLxOD_-36FSCRZioxg6zTr1vAR7JMsamuFoMw/s1600/princ.burlybackviewjpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2qmgDFNlZ0Asw4l4dzxKjhr_IRHNXQVN_iInKoUqUVdT3KqSjSQ7EFDdZmRrCHrAwvfH5oBEY6rC4zkGP-RpmfylJLuLb3iFp1Dq5DfYMLxOD_-36FSCRZioxg6zTr1vAR7JMsamuFoMw/s400/princ.burlybackviewjpg.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Maharet Hughes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /> </span>I stepped onto his hand with my full body
weight, effectively erasing his humanity by refusing to meet his gaze. Grinding
my stiletto heel into the metacarpal bones slowly, like a hot high school dry
hump in a basement rec room, I imagined stigmata blooming through through his <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tendons to his palm, a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>puddle of blood soaking into the beige shag
carpet. I jutted my hip forward,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>snapping my fingers impatiently as he<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>carefully<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>slid <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>four crisp fifty dollar<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bills<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>into the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>garter where it met
my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fishnet stocking. Kicking his drink
over, I spit in the direction of his head and sauntered down the catwalk, the
transaction completed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the summer of 1978 and I was wild seventeen
year old<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>punk chick who’d<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>left LA<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>for New York City on a whim, fleeing from a heartbreaker. I was staying with
my friend Kristian Hoffman of The Mumps, and his boyfriend Bradley Field,
drummer of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teenage Jesus And The Jerks. Urban
pioneers, they lived on the sixth floor of an industrial walk up at the corner
of Bowery and Grand , in what had once been a silver-plating factory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My pal <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Brian Tristan ( who hadn’t yet changed his
name to Kid Congo) and I slept in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
rehearsal room, which was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shared by <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>both
bands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d had the Teenage Jesus single “Orphans”
since it’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>release a couple of months
ago, and was excited to meet Lydia Lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She showed up at the loft wearing nothing but an oversized<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>San Antonio Spurs team jersey and a pair of slutty
black patent leather ankle strap heels. No bra, no panties, no purse…and
apparently, she’d walked from Second Avenue <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all the way down the Bowery like<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this. Lydia was a lot shorter than I
expected, with abundant curves and alabaster skin. Her bright lipstick smile,
huge baby doll eyes and throaty laugh completely contradicted her angry onstage
persona. To me, she was adorable, not even <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>close to the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>tall, removed, arty ice queen I’d expected. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We bonded immediately,
prowling Max’s and CBGB, and taking the train out to Coney Island on hot summer
nights to ride The Cyclone rollercoaster. We’d<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>meet for pizza on St. Mark’s Place to compare notes on people we’d both
fucked, and started taking long, luxurious <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>baths together in the large tub that Kristian
and Bradley had <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dragged in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from the street.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As my scheduled departure date approached, I
realized I didn’t want to go back to LA, so I started looking for a job. The hippest
record store in town, Bleeker Bob’s, had a year and a half waiting list for a
minimum wage position as a sales clerk, so that was out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pounded the pavement relentlessly, but with
my cropped<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>neon pink<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hair, finding a waitressing job was impossible.
One night in the tub, after I’d already resigned myself to leaving, Lydia came
up with a solution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“Why don’t you come and work
at my job?” she drew out to word “job” to “jahhhb”, purring in her slightly
nasal Rust Belt accent, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“They’d<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> love</i> you as a waitress there!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She described all the benefits: it was at a
place called The Wild West on 34<sup>th</sup> street, so it was close… just a
few subway stops away. Hair color wasn’t issue. All you had to do was serve 3.0
Near Beer to old men- mostly Midwestern conventioneers-for a whopping<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>$3.50 a can, which they actually<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> paid</i>. The tips were great, you could
make about $75.00 a night and you could set<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
</i>your own schedule. Considering that if I stayed, my rent was going to be
$25.00 a month, everything sounded fantastic. I was all gung ho until Lydia <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>told me that <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the “uniform” was a bathing suit… and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that if you wanted, you<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>could <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>make even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more</i>
money by letting the men buy you drinks, earning <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a commission on each one they bought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Wrapping a towel around
myself as I stepped out of the tub, I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Is this a Naked Place?”, I asked, hands on my
hips.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“Well,” she drawled, “It’s
kinda like a tourist trap.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After we dried off, she got on the phone to someone
named Rocco, telling him to expect me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I showed up at The Wild West <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the next evening in my little French cut hot
pink Spandex spaghetti strap Capezio <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>leotard
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>looking like a refugee from A Chorus
Line, and found out that indeed it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i>
a Naked Place. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hot Shot” by Carole Young poured out the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>door the moment I opened it. There was a bar
to the right as you walked in, bottles of booze gleaming under twinkling,
multi-colored fairy lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bowls of
peanuts and “classy” glass<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>vases of
plastic roses sat <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the bar<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>complimenting <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tuck ‘n’ roll mustard<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naugahyde<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>bar stools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As my eyes adjusted
to the dark, I saw a large, carpeted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>stage dominating the center of the room,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a nude woman with <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a Henna red
Cleopatra bob writhing around on it. A ledge for drinks <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and ashtrays<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>ran all the way<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>around the stage
with chairs flanking it. Booths filled the walls on either side <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of the room, many of them inhabited by a man
in a suit and a woman in a negligee, heads together, giggling. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some had champagne buckets placed
conspicuously in front of them. Smaller , private carpeted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>stages<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>nestled in corner alcoves, women<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>danced <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in lingerie on top of
them, bathed in red lights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind the bar, Rocco was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>resplendent in a Ban Lon shirt unbuttoned to
the waist, revealing a giant gold crucifix hanging from a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>weighty chain. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking like a cross between Tony Manero<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Saturday Night Fever</i> and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>punch
drunk prize fighter, he <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>nodded and wordlessly
handed me a tray, introducing me to Esther, who’d show me the cocktailing
ropes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Warm and motherly, she explained the way the
drink commissions worked,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pointing out
the women- dancers- who made the most money, advising me to keep an eye on
them<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and watch <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as they worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Esther and I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>even cooked up a few scams together on the
spot, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>splitting the proceeds down the
middle. That first night was a people watching bonanza, even if I felt like an
asshole asking the men to pay such an exorbitant price for beer<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that wasn’t even alcoholic. I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>also went home with $79.00 in tips. I was
sold, so I went back the next night, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It only took another shift or two to realize
that the dancers made well <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>over twice as
much as the waitresses, so I decided I wanted to dance. Raised in the 1960’s, I
was fine with nudity, and even though I’d never once danced on a stage, I
could<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>easily do<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>splits and backbends. I asked Lydia’s advice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ Just tell Rocco you want to dance”, she
said, “Tell him you want an audition; bring a G-string and heels.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I had several pairs of thrift
store Jackie O pumps with me, but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
lingerie was gonna be a problem. I didn’t own a g-string , and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>since there was no such thing as black
underwear in the ‘70’s, and that was only what <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to wear, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all mine had<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>come<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from the same<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>junk stores as my heels. My personal<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>aesthetic was purely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">True Detective</i>: aside from one leopard print peignoir, my lingerie
consisted soley of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>black satin spiral
stitched 1950’s bullet bras, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lacey black
Merry Widows, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>whorish panti-girdles and
garter belts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rolling her eyes, Lydia took a tiny black g-string out of her purse,
wadded it up and threw it at me,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>admonishing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Wash it before you give it back!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got the job, of course, and it wasn’t til
Esther and the other servers clustered around me making a fuss that I realized
I was the only girl – at least in recent history-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>who’d made the leap from waitress to dancer.
Esther and I figured out a brand new scam, which we continued for weeks. The
way this one went: she’d tell the customer <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it was my first night<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> ever</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dancing, and that I
was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>really nervous and needed to loosen
up with <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>champagne; he’d buy me a bottle
“for good luck”, and I’d surreptitiously dump it into the ice-bucket as I
whispered <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sweet nothings into his ear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of the gals gave hand jobs under the
table, but I never had to- I realized immediately that I was a natural born
liar with a psychic sense for what the men wanted to hear<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a champion, a genius.</i>
My stories ranged from <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>being a single
mom with a kid to support to being a poor little rich girl<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>AWOL from Vassar with a Forbes 500 daddy I
wanted to humiliate by letting the whole world know I was a stripper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The lies fell out of my mouth
like a machine gun spitting<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>diamonds,
rivaled only by the rate my non-stop drink commissions came flooding in. I’d tell
a mark I got off work at 4:00am when I really got off at 2:00, take<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a deposit from him “for the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>baby sitter” along with his<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hotel room key… then I’d never show up. I’d
drop the room key into a mail box as I hailed a cab, heading back to the Bowery
to catch the last set<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>or two at CB’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day when the outraged man returned
to The Wild West <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to get his money, Rocco
or one of the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mafia bouncer goons would
bellow,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“Our goils ain’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">like</i> that!” and literally throw the guy
out, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>right onto the sidewalk. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only problem I ever had there<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>was that was that without my glasses, I
was so blind I was afraid I was going to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>get too close <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to the side of the stage
and fall off. I felt like a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>total dork
in my glasses, I fucking hated them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
scarcely wore them during the day,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> never</i>
wore them to clubs, and was damned if I was going to wear them <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>onstage. I was convinced I wouldn’t make a
dime. The sexy secretary or hot librarian<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>was surely already an archetype for decades, but I hadn’t heard of it;
and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in my absolute<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>naivete , it never occurred to me that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>anyone would ever want to see a naked
girl<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with glasses on!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One night as I mounted the steps to the
center stage, I noticed a bunch of the waitresses carrying on about a guy who’d
just sat down. Even without my specs, it was clear that he wasn’t a middle aged
Fuller Brush Man from Cincinatti or a sweaty Japanese tourist with a combover…
he was young, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from what I could gather,
actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good looking</i>. As I strutted
around the stage, I tried to get a look at him without <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>giving myself away by squinting to focus.
Esther, aware of my vision impairment, had already swooped in and was making
furtive gestures , waving me over so we could pull our scam. I took my time
getting there, but misjudged the distance, accidentally stepping directly onto
his hand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He winced in pain, his groan
audible over The Andrea True Connection. Absolutely horrified, I bent down and
started to yell, “I’m sorry!” when <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Esther
frantically cut me off ,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>drawing her
index finger dramatically across her neck. I froze, and as I did, the guy filled
my stocking with bills so new, they actually <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>felt sharp on my skin and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was afraid I’d <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>get a paper cut<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow,</span></i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> I thought<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>six bucks<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>at once?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No wonder the gals were
bum rushing him!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Practically dragging me off
the stage, Esther screamed, “We’ll be right back!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as she hustled me into the dressing room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Don’t ever apologize to that guy again!” she<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hissed,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But I stepped on his hand!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“He has a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fetish</i>”,
she cried, “Never say you’re sorry!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What’s a fetish?” I asked dumfounded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ Forget about<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>it!” she said, pushing me out the door, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“I’ll explain <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>later- just<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>kick him… or knock his drink over or something… he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">likes</i> it! Now get out there and make more<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>money offa him!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a lot more money from him, but it wasn’t until
the end of the night that I realized those first initial ones he’d handed were
actually fifty dollar bills. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just by
stepping on his hand accidentally, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d
made six hundred bucks! I was astounded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Esther filled me in on the intricacies of S & M and it was all so<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fascinating<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>that he next day, I talked fetishes with Lydia, Kristian, Bradley and
anyone else who’d listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d been
drinking, taking pills and having sex in alleys since I was barely fourteen,
but had no idea <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that there was a whole
kinky world out there I’d never even imagined! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, even the antique black underwear
that I wore just so I wouldn’t look like one of Charlie’s Angels was considered
fetish worthy. I was delighted- this fetish thing was going to be even bigger
than my B-Girl lies. To fully prepare myself for rolling in fetish dough, I hightailed
it up to Times Square and spent an obscene amount of money on a pair of black
patent leather pointy-toed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>over-the-knee, spike heeled boots. The tops even folded down, so that
they could look like <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hot pirate chick
boots. Two hundred bucks? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell, it was less
than a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>third of a good night’s pay! I
handed over the cash gladly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so enchanted with the boots <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that I didn’t save them for the stage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wore them to CBGB’s, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wore them to Max’s Kansas City, I wore them
to The Mudd Club…and I wore them to the bodega to get a Yoohoo. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I adored them. One day I was wearing them in
the West Village on my way to a lunch date, when a shifty looking guy came up
right in my face <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and asked if he could
lick my boots. I was about to walk away, but he discreetly flashed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a fifty dollar bill. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Where?” I asked suspiciously, not wanting to
get raped and murdered in some Hudson Street basement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ How about right there,” he said, gesturing
to a phone booth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was dubious of how this was going to work
until he handed me the bill , which I pocketed while stepping into the phone
booth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Picking up the receiver, I mimed
putting a dime in, and was just about to close the glass door when the man
threw himself onto the ground and grabbing my ankle like a giant lollipop and started<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>slobbering all over the vamp,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>heel and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>ven the sole of my boot. I watched in horror as he sprawled out full
length on the sidewalk,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>men and women in
crisp business suits carrying brief cases stepping over him gingerly in the
bright autumn sunshine. I was afraid we were going to get arrested. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“You gotta stop!” I hissed, but
he didn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey!” I screamed,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>starting to get paranoid, rapping sharply <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the glass, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“Cut it out!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>hands moved up my calf; my entire foot<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>was now in his mouth like a slice of watermelon. His lapping tongue
strokes<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>became longer, piggish, more
lascivious.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Goddammit!” I growled, simultaneously cuffing
him on the head and kicking him as hard as I could with out losing my balance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stop it</i>!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did…with a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>groan and body wracking shudder. Yanking my
foot free, I hopped over him, high tailing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it home. I didn’t feel dirty, I didn’t feel
used, I was just happy I could make so much money from people with “exotic”
taste. That was the night my star customer came in and I crushed his<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hand, this time on purpose, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>imagining the stigmata.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon, the weather began to get colder, as
Autumn really set in. By the end of November, it sleeted constantly, and there
was no heat in the loft on the weekends. It was time to go back to LA.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only strip clubs<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in LA<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>at the time were in The Valley, and weren’t accessible without a car. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I certainly wasn’t about to take the bus to go
to work, so that chapter in my life closed. Once in a great while, I think of
all the lies I told and feel a small, fleeting pang of conscious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my only<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
true</i> regret is that as an underage stripper in 1970’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New York, I wish someone would’ve told me
about investing in real estate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">#</span></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get signed copies of my
books here:<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-47818996631237590492017-01-10T17:59:00.000-08:002017-01-10T19:29:21.170-08:00THE OPPOSITE OF BOWIE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD7xiDaWaNboeIcins4vHW-xnTK0cAMArcBWfek8KqDvaVh-7Gm22FgASu3zOn7L2Oj3Ul_ohKC-B-C_uHjnNCzlq3woSudkOP4984d6gtt6-2qI6XfjyfsdoeKYk_LCT4QtyRh7uD8-Kh/s1600/david-bowie-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD7xiDaWaNboeIcins4vHW-xnTK0cAMArcBWfek8KqDvaVh-7Gm22FgASu3zOn7L2Oj3Ul_ohKC-B-C_uHjnNCzlq3woSudkOP4984d6gtt6-2qI6XfjyfsdoeKYk_LCT4QtyRh7uD8-Kh/s320/david-bowie-4.jpg" width="310" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Time protracted as I walked down the corridor
clutching my spiral bound steno pad, trying not to stumble. Hyperventilating almost
to the point of passing out, my mouth tasted as metallic as if I’d ingested a
huge dose of Owsley acid. My ears hummed, a nest of cotton and barbed wire
stuffed my head. I was a teenage girl-sized Macy’s Parade balloon about to come
off its tether as I floated dumbly by the framed platinum records glinting from
the walls. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">In fact, the walls themselves
throbbed in slow motion like they were breathing.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I was completely sober, but felt unbelievably
high.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was about to
meet David Bowie!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">For anyone following Bowie in
the early-to-mid-1970’s, he wasn’t “just” a rock star, he was an <i>obsession</i>. In
a time when mellow<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">rock</span> ruled the
airwaves, Bowie was a sensation, but a marginalized one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His songs were highly intelligent and finely
crafted; he seemed to know everything
valuable about the culture of the world-and the Twentieth Century in
particular- translating it into amazing rock ‘n’ roll. He also had a raunchy,
cynical street-smart side, with the rumors of bisexuality, back-alley encounters and sarcastic songs about cocaine and queens. He served as ambassador and translator
for all the denizens of the shadows, no matter <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what</i> era they came from. Oh, and of course he was drop-dead
gorgeous and the biggest fashion plate to sashay around a concert stage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">He was largely ignored in
America, relegated to a small niche on the fringes of popular music, almost never
played on the radio. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of that, he
also served as a <i>frame of reference.</i> Back in those days, if you met someone new
and they even knew who Bowie was, it was a pretty good indication that you’d
get along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that person was familiar
with his songs, or-even better -declared themselves a fan, it meant that you both
probably had read all the same books and seen the same films. Loving Bowie was
like being a member of a secret society; it wasn’t just a shared taste in music, it was a lifestyle choice as well as an indication of mutual trust. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the aftermath of Bowie’s death, young
people <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from all around the world say
Bowie gave them <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">permission:</i> to be
different, to be outright weird, to be queer; and of course their feelings are totally valid. But when I discovered him in 1972, there was no social media – hell,
there was no Internet!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bullying, whether in cyberspace or real life was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“a thing”... and no one ever thought of
stopping it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was barely a Women’s
Movement, let alone<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what used to be called the Gay Rights
Movement…LGBTQ was a few decades off in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As an errant and quite precocious twelve year-old
living in a tiny New England town, one glimpse of Bowie was as though
the heavens had opened; listening to his music knocked the Earth off it’s axis.
The film <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cabaret</i> had just been
released, and after seeing it once, I surreptitiously cut my junior high classes
to sneak in through the side exit of The Palace Theater in Middletown,
Connecticut to watch it multiple times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every time I did, I sighed <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>at
the Divine Decadence of Weimar Berlin. Even if the Nazis were about to take over,
there were trysts, sparkles and feathers, intellectual conversations, and smoky
nightclubs, with painted up dancers, androgyny and overt sexuality. I longed
for these glamorous, louche, adult accouterments and relationships…but it just
didn’t seem realistic…like…at all- except for when I listened to Bowie. He
understood, he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">got </i>it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I was a kid trapped in a world with vapid
classmates whose highest aspiration was making the cheering squad; surrounded by
judgmental adults (and their horrifying Colonial furniture) who thought I was
stupid because I showed absolutely no interest in math. I was certain I was
doomed and would never get out. Bowie didn’t give me “permission”- I didn’t
need that- I was already weird and ostracized and had absolutely nothing to
lose.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">What he gave me and many others-
aside from hours of pleasure- was hope for the future. Bowie was a </span><i style="font-size: 14pt;">lifeline</i><span style="font-size: 14pt;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My prayers were answered in
1975, when my family relocated to Los Angeles. Less than ten days after my sixteenth
birthday, I was at the Santa Monica Civic auditorium to see Queen, when my life
changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two teenage boys coming down the aisle
caught my eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One was shirtless and
barefoot, in black pants and a cape, the other was all in white. He was the
spitting image of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aladdin Sane</i>
album cover with a flaming orange shag and a grease paint lightning bolt slashing across his face. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As fortune
would have it, they sat down just a few rows in front of me. Just before the
lights dimmed, I wrote my number on a matchbook and tossed it in the direction
of their seats. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day both the guys called me,
constantly grabbing the receiver from each other for the hour or so we stayed
on the phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one in black was Georg
Ruthenberg, and Aladdin Sane was Paul Beahm. It would be a couple of years<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘til they started using the names Pat Smear
and Darby Crash, and formed The Germs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We instantly started hanging out on a regular
basis. We’d hitchhike to Sunset Strip at night, or go to Westwood to see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rocky Horror. </i>During the long, whiteout
sunny days, we’d cut school to stalk Alice Cooper or the members of Queen at
The Continental Hyatt House on Sunset Strip or at The Beverly Hilton. Sometimes
we’d go to the beach or perform Manson-Family “creepy crawls” breaking into the houses of
strangers in Santa Monica, just to re-arrange their furniture. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until one day Paul-the ultimate Bowie Freak
fan boy- somehow found out that Bowie was in town to record a new album.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only that, he had what pretty much added
up to Classified Information: the album was tentatively titled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Station To Station,</i> and it was being recorded
at Cherokee Studios on Fairfax Avenue in Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Our West Side<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shenanigans stopped immediately in favor of
keeping an around-the-clock vigil in the parking lot of Cherokee Studios. We’d be hunkered down in the bushes or behind
cars, in shifts as though we were on watch at an army base. Every so often,
stretch limos would be parked there for <i>hours</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’d take special note of this, but there was no guarantee it belonged
to Bowie, because people like Barbra Streisand, Frank Sinatra and Elvis
recorded there too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unlike the open hotel lobbies<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>where we loitered endlessly waiting for rock
stars to appear, the studio was impenetrable. The heavy, fortress-like front
door remained locked at all times; there were security cameras and a
receptionist who sat behind a Lucite wall who’d buzz you in…but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i> if you had legit business there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a couple of endless days on surveillance
detail in the Cherokee parking lot, I was totally fed up; bored out of my mind
and sick of squatting on cement wheel stops for hours on end. This was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> the glamorous Hollywood life I’d
envisioned. There had to be a better way to meet Bowie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brainstormed furiously until I came up with
a plan I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sure</i> I’d be able to pull
off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d call the studio impersonating
an English music journalist to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“confirm”
an appointment <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to interview David Bowie
for the next day… and I’d just show up, announce myself, and get buzzed right
in!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Because I’d literally grown
up in the theater and was a terrific mimic, I <i>knew</i> I’d sound credible if I
practiced. So, right there in the parking lot, I drilled a posh
Sloan Ranger accent<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>out loud for hours,
getting the intonations just right. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The
UK had three major music rags: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sounds, Melody
Maker</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New Musical Express</i>,
which everyone called<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> NME</i>. I picked<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Melody Maker </i>as my "employer", cause it sounded the best. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m from<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Melody MAI-kaaah …. Heyah to visit with
Dayvid BOW-eee.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally
satisfied, I walked to the phone booth on the corner, dropped a dime, and called the recording
studio. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">When the snooty receptionist
answered on the third ring, I was prepared for the performance of a lifetime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ Well<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">,
‘ellooo</i> love,” I said breathlessly,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“ I’m calling to confirm an appointment for tomorrow….”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow, she fell for it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naturally, I couldn’t sleep that night; I was
literally bouncing off the walls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
chose my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“journalist” outfit carefully
the next morning: a home made tie-dyed and rhinestone child’s size 6X undershirt worn
braless,with a ruffled 1930’s satin bed
jacket over it, tattered faded bellbottom jeans and mile high silver glitter
platform wedgies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brushed my henna
colored mane and carefully lined my eyes in my favorite deep navy Mary Quant
Pastel Crayons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Stepping back to admire
myself, I somehow missed the fact that my chubby cheeks made me look all of
nine years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took the 83 Bus down
Wilshire Boulevard and hitchhiked up Fairfax to Cherokee, adrenalin flowing the
entire trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pausing for a moment on
the steps to try and collect myself, I hit the buzzer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the cunty receptionist picked up, I was ready.
Just as planned, she buzzed me in and I made my way to her little booth, asking
her where “the session” was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Studio A”, she said, giving me
what I interpreted as a withering glance,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ Down the hall and to your right.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh. My. God. It had actually worked…I was in!<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>That’s when my ears started buzzing and
the surreal, floaty Macy’s Parade feeling came over me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I was about to meet David Fucking Bowie!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood in front of Studio A clutching my
Steno Pad for an eternity; I could barely keep it together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost involuntarily, I knocked on the door.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It swung open a tiny bit and a tall man in a
brown suit stuck half his face through the crack, saying, “Yes?”, in a voice almost
as deep as Lurch from The<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Addams Family</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Once again, w</span>hen I mentioned I was there for “the session”, he invited me in. Apparently those words were a magical entree, like Open Sesame. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">We were in some kind of anteroom, the walls carpeted for soundproofing.
The door to the actual studio was in front of us, closed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hold on a sec,” he said, “ I’ll let them know
you’re here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As he came back through the second door and
invited me in, I felt like I was about to pass out. But what happened next was-
and still is- beyond my comprehension.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guy swung the door open wide, and clustered
around the mixing board was the <i>entire </i>Osmond family. Uniformly tan with
feathered hair, their perfect teeth flashed like a Pepsodent commercial when
they said “Hi!” like a well-rehearsed chorus.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> They wore matching orange
football shirts with each brother’s name emblazoned<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in white above the numbers on the chest:
Alan, Merrill, Wayne, Jay and, of course, Donny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They looked at me expectantly; five clean cut
humanoid robots with large brown cow eyes, grinning in unison.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My own mouth fell open in horror as it
occurred to me that these outfits weren’t stage costumes, but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">street wear.</i> I was dazed; shocked
speechless. I took in the whole scene wordlessly for another few seconds before
bolting out of the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started
crying hysterically halfway down the hallway before careening out the Emergency
Door and into the glaring, merciless midday sun. I stood on the sidewalk while the alarm screeched until it- and the
relentless hum in my ears-both subsided.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To this day, I’m still not sure if that was a
set up, or my own mistake. I’ll never know…and it doesn’t matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">#</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp9M8A96mOnmGOzqdWYGfBiHfhaurfi8De2F5MTDi1stZ0gR7R5W6oSsea35ktL5DNiuNdsdyTzWmSw3pHGoajI-ShZJPWwSwi3lz8Q92yBYO2sfpvJ-8xknIfTp6AVLYULuI2BFaiH6oJ/s1600/PhotoBooth+1977_face1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp9M8A96mOnmGOzqdWYGfBiHfhaurfi8De2F5MTDi1stZ0gR7R5W6oSsea35ktL5DNiuNdsdyTzWmSw3pHGoajI-ShZJPWwSwi3lz8Q92yBYO2sfpvJ-8xknIfTp6AVLYULuI2BFaiH6oJ/s320/PhotoBooth+1977_face1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Me in a Hollywood Boulevard photo booth, 1976</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i><b style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Come say hi
to me on the Inter-Webs !</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16pt;"><br />
</span></b><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/"><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">www.pleasantgehman.com</span></b></a><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1"><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</span></b></a><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16pt;"><br />
<span class="MsoHyperlink">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</span></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo_OKsTb-jxYredlpAdjSKA8VB2xYaqYO9MRG62-eqvKcjB55Hz1Ewdaxi2qW8Yh06teKWRA6Aid7vipwrv4BUx2kfxUC_vxjthEGKz1oYIkUGNUJ37JtvHwGrZBLagWuNt67ce-yWKG9F/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo_OKsTb-jxYredlpAdjSKA8VB2xYaqYO9MRG62-eqvKcjB55Hz1Ewdaxi2qW8Yh06teKWRA6Aid7vipwrv4BUx2kfxUC_vxjthEGKz1oYIkUGNUJ37JtvHwGrZBLagWuNt67ce-yWKG9F/s400/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get signed
copies of my books<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>here: <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-38870128144719040182016-11-16T22:06:00.002-08:002016-11-16T22:06:30.195-08:00 THE UNINVITED GUEST<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHJ7JpxS_txX3J2DHwMMlWva70idOpn1tG-rRvBTWoUeYyPljjjlqGJ7BH4Rg7QrgT4Do0yoV9ljB_oqRNarLDQBh0wf0RLCea0x0EIUg6BU1vmeDUTQR6IxN8V_DkJsXoMHjU7dh1QSWA/s1600/+PORTAL+MIST.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHJ7JpxS_txX3J2DHwMMlWva70idOpn1tG-rRvBTWoUeYyPljjjlqGJ7BH4Rg7QrgT4Do0yoV9ljB_oqRNarLDQBh0wf0RLCea0x0EIUg6BU1vmeDUTQR6IxN8V_DkJsXoMHjU7dh1QSWA/s400/+PORTAL+MIST.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I woke up suddenly with a sharp gasp, like a
heroine in a 1960’s Hammer Film. I
wasn’t scared, but the adrenalin flooding my system told me I was on high
alert. Remaining still, I listened for suspicious sounds until I was satisfied
that no one was inside the house…and then I noticed the circle of mist on my
ceiling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It was a perfect ring, about
a foot and a half in diameter,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>glowing like
a neon halo, the jarring lime green of radiator fluid. It revolved so slowly in
a lazy counter clockwise orbit <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that I
wasn’t even sure it was actually moving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Fully conscious and completely
sober, I’m also ridiculously blind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
eyes didn’t stray from <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the mist as I
groped for my glasses on the bedside table, certain that what I was seeing was
an optical illusion<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>caused by the dark
and my bad eye sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I slid my specs
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on, the radium-like glow became crisp
and intensified. It occurred to me that the misty circle was probably emanating
from the little operation light on my smoke detector, mounted above the headboard
on the wall behind me. I twisted around to check; the light was on all right,
but it was red, not pale green.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Convinced I was experiencing a lucid dream, I
clambered out of bed in order to wake myself fully. I entered the
bathroom,flicking on the light switch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
peed, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wiped, flushed the toilet, washed my
hands, dried them, and applied lotion. Satisfied that I had performed enough
mundane actions to prove that I was truly awake, I turned off the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bathroom light,padding <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the down the hall to my bedroom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tossed my glasses<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>carelessly <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>onto the bedside table, crawling back into bed
without looking at the ceiling. Deliberated keeping my eyes closed, I pulled
the comforter up all cozy around my chin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Then the internal debate
started. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like a cartoon character with a devil
on one shoulder and an angel on the other as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a two-way conversation began inside my head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, are you
really going to go to sleep without checking to see if that thing is still on
the ceiling?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah… it’ll be ok.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The First Voice paused for a moment, trying to
comprehend the stupidity of the Second Voice’s answer, before snapping,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you fucking
high?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With that, my eyes fluttered open
tentatively, and I realized two things simultaneously: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that the mist indeed was still there- and it’s
very presence was a confirmation that I hasn’t in fact, been dreaming. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also understood with more than a passing
feeling of discomfort, that in order to have gotten into bed completely willing
to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i>check on the mist, that it <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>somehow must’ve been hypnotizing me into a
compliance. Whatever this was, it was real…and it was now brighter, solidifying
and definitely moving faster. As I watched the revolutions become more rapid, I
tried to think practically and stuff down the dread that was rising up in my
chest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The First Voice suggested,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You should say
The Lord’s Prayer</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To which the Second Voice replied with <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>disdain,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Someone’s seen wa-a-a-a-ay too many
horror movies!<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ignoring the Second Voice, I telepathically
communicated to the first Voice, “ Should I actually say it or is it ok to just
think it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no
one here</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">, the First Voice answered,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> either way is fine.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dutifully, I recited out loud,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Dearly Beloved…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Second Voice cut me off immediately:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
idiot-that’s not The Lord’s Prayer! Who doesn’t know the fucking <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lord’s Prayer?<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s for a funeral or a wedding or
something…Get it together!<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously, what kind of a lame-ass was I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t really been raised with religion but-pun
intended- God knows how many times I’d seen The Exorcist, and I certainly
listened to Siouxsie And The Banshee’s 1979 punk song version of I The Lord’s
Prayer enough to have the entire thing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>memorized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wracked my brains,
groping for the correct words<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>before I
began tentatively,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy
name….” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The vapor pulsed on the ceiling,
blinking rhythmically while it spun, as though it was transmitting a code. True
panic started rising in my chest as furtively wondered if I should ask it to
leave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, before then First or Second voice even
had a chance to chime in, my <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>real<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>voice took on a forceful tone that wasn’t my
own as I abruptly commanded loudly:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST, YOU NEED TO
LEAVE NOW!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The words were barely out of
my mouth when intense pitch black dot appeared in the center of the circle of
mist, accompanied by a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>quick pressure
drop in my ear canals, as though I was in a plane that was losing altitude <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Suddenly, like stop motion animation, the black dot widened with a
roaring sound , and as it did, and the green mist grew with it, swirling precariously.
The mist circle suddenly split in two, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>both halves leaving the ceiling shooting down
towards the bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as rapidly, they rocketed
upwards, roaring through the hole, disappearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hole then sealed itself shut with a loud
crack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bolted upright, my hair on end, my entire
body covered in goose bumps. I slapped on the bedroom light as I leapt out of
bed and crashed through the hall, knocking a couple <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>framed photos off the wall. I turned out the
bathroom light, the lamp and overhead in the in the living room, and both
kitchen lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pacing like a lunatic, I
switched <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the television, the radio,
and my computer. The clock said 3:33… The Witching Hour, I noted only semi-ironically,
as I began to cry. It was too early to call anyone, and even if I did, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what the hell was I going to say?</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t sure what had just happened to me,
but <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t feel<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>comfortable with it…at all. I stayed up listening
to talk radio and an early morning local news program, chain smoking and doing
busy work <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that I never<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> normally</i> would do, like reorganizing
CDs and dusting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went out and got
sage<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that morning and smudged the
entire place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A month or so later, a neighbor who lived in
the front half of my house asked if I thought it was haunted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said that the night before, he’d heard
footsteps on the roof.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him if he
was sure it wasn’t raccoons, and he said he was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sizing him up for a moment, I decided he
looked like handle my story without getting too freaked out, so I told him <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was a pretty long pause before he asked,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why didn’t you call me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh, suuure,” I said, trying not to roll my
eyes, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Like I was really gonna call you in the
middle of the night to tell you that a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">portal
</i>opened up on my ceiling?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I guess not,” he said sincerely, “But if it
happens again, please call me!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A week after we had that conversation, it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did </i>happen again… but this time I was
prepared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mist manifested sharp,
dense and considerably larger this time. It had barbs and points sticking out
of it <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like a really badly done late
1980’s Tribal tattoo. I had been on the verge of sleep when it appeared, so it
was a lot less disorienting than being awakened for REM sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Narrowing my eyes as I stared directly <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>at it, I addressed it with the psychotic
bravado of Robert DeNiro as Travis Bickel in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Taxi Driver” -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You talkin’ to me? </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time I bypassed the First Voice, The Second
Voice and The Lord’s Prayer, growling like a battle cry: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">… and it did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The portal sealed back up and
the pressure normalized in my ears. Before I rolled over and went to sleep, I
saw that the clock said 3:33.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The next day, my neighbor
didn’t mention hearing me yelling, and the mist never came back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>#<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><b style="font-size: 14pt;">Get a signed copy of my memoir Showgirl Confidential here:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><a href="http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYO9B_1OsadbgPIRR6uHyXtlBR3e1NpK_dI6VFOjprM2v_L6pmwVXHqnJgxnAytTrutZqCIu3mys3WiDVyJGh9lfDxX96313MJoeEU8yQMK5gOvMBAtR4rOLvrr_te38vJFMAL21frbKR5/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYO9B_1OsadbgPIRR6uHyXtlBR3e1NpK_dI6VFOjprM2v_L6pmwVXHqnJgxnAytTrutZqCIu3mys3WiDVyJGh9lfDxX96313MJoeEU8yQMK5gOvMBAtR4rOLvrr_te38vJFMAL21frbKR5/s320/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Come say hi to me on the
Inter-Webs !<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a> <o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a><o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</a></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-73605896541279432472016-04-28T10:00:00.000-07:002016-04-28T18:23:43.610-07:00 A NONSTOP CRAZY PARTY: THE LATE 1970'S PUNK SCENE IN LOS ANGELES, PART 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcvDoOFzaovNTbZ_vdUV7G5fcjlYQdErzzGdcFXYgEWPByL7G5ZXJDQyGhv9j6P7NkrIeoW2_05qais0xRfMBeaZt_IfgXE4vS2uQ4qD7Ts9mh-WFrnzexXXuRgOmLWuN5RL71eJY_t-aR/s1600/BOB%2527s+1977.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcvDoOFzaovNTbZ_vdUV7G5fcjlYQdErzzGdcFXYgEWPByL7G5ZXJDQyGhv9j6P7NkrIeoW2_05qais0xRfMBeaZt_IfgXE4vS2uQ4qD7Ts9mh-WFrnzexXXuRgOmLWuN5RL71eJY_t-aR/s320/BOB%2527s+1977.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the Hollywood Boulevard Woolworth's photo booth, around the corner from The Masque 1977</td></tr>
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<br />
<i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> The story you are about to read is
the second half of the chapter I wrote</span></i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">
for<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Under The Big Black
Sun: A Personal History Of L.A. Punk </i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by John Doe, Tom De
Savia and friends. If you'd like to read the first half or my chapter, it's the post just before this one.</i></span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> The book is all first-person
essay accounts of what the 1970’s Los Angeles punk scene was truly like. Along
with me, the afore-mentioned friends include Exene Cervenka, Henry
Rollins, Jane Wiedlin and Charlotte Caffey of the Go-Go’s, Robert
“El Vez” Lopez, Chris D., Mike Watt and many more. It’s a fantastic piece
of written musical and socio-cultural history, unadulterated by the
assumptions of people who weren’t there…enjoy!</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">On April 18th and 19<sup>th</sup>, 1977, The
Damned played The Starwood. It was a pure revelation and also sort of
“legitimized” the LA punk scene. Local power-pop faves The Quick opened for
them, which might seem odd now but wasn’t at the time, though it did explicitly
illustrate the difference in what was actually punk and what would soon be
called new wave. The Damned played at lightning speed with violent
energy. Dave Vanian was fierce and scary/sexy onstage, Captain Sensible
dropped trou and Rat Scabies stood up behind his drum kit spitting beer and
flipping the audience off. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">It the first time I stayed out all night,
blowing off my curfew and my ride home. In anticipation of a wild night,
I’d taken my schoolbooks to the Starwood, parking them upstairs at the VIP bar
while I watched the show. I went to Cantor’s with the Damned afterwards,
engaging in a food fight before going to party at the infamous Tropicana Motel.
The next morning at Duke’s Café, Tom Wait’s took in my hungover appearance-
whipped cream and maple syrup congealed in my hair and staining my homemade
Damned shirt- and admonished me in his gravelly voice,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“Pleasant, for God’s sake, stay in school!”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I assured him I would, and looking like
a hot drunk mess, was chauffeured down Santa Monica Boulevard to school in the
back of Rodney Bingenheimer’s vintage black Caddy, the envy of Randy Kaye,
Dennis Crosby and Lisa Curland, who’d made the mistake of adhering to
their curfews.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> After that, there was a summer-long
string of benchmark events and uproarious gigs, all with a full attendance
roster of those who’d eventually become celebrated as “LA’s First Hundred
Punks”. The Germs had their first official gig at Kim Fowley’s punk series at
the Whisky, which resulted once again in a huge mess of food, this time because
they’d requested their fans to bring condiments, and everyone obliged. They’d
moved into a nearby apartment on Holloway Drive, Joan and Lisa had rented an
apartment on San Vicente, across the street from both Licorice Pizza and The
Whisky, and Brian/ Kid Congo, Ann Mclean, Dennis Crosby and I moved into 909
Palm- all our pads were within walking distance of each other. Our 909
parties were epic and never-ending. At the end of the night, no matter where we
were, there was always a standing invitation for e<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">veryone</i> to come
over, and they did. </span><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Slash Magazine</span></i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">
held a coming-out bash at a ballroom at the Santa Monica Ramada Inn, because
their offices were nearby. Hotel guests were staring at us in sheer terror. I
was in disbelief that such a cool punk magazine had an “old” publisher- Steve
Samioff – who also had a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beard!</i>
Nevertheless, I knew a good thing when I saw it, hitting him up for a staff
writing position, which he agreed to. My name appeared on the masthead in the
next issue, and my first piece was The Germs interview I did, though to my
chagrin, the story went uncredited. When Slash moved to a loft on Pico and
Redondo in LA, they had many insane parties there, not the least of which was
The May ‘77 Screamers’ debut, and a party for Devo in July, after which I
slipped on a puddle of spilled Mickey’s Big Mouth fell over the Germ’s second
story balcony. Phast Phreddie and KK rushed me to the hospital, where I got
five stitches in my chin… and stole a plastic “Patient Belongings” bag to use
as a purse.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Soon, two events occurred spawning a party of
mythical proportions at my place: my mom left to work out of town for a week,
and Hellin and Trudi got a settlement for their car accident. Because I’d let
them stay at my house for so long and they were now rollin’ in dough, we went
on a shopping trip to The Pleasure Chest. We bought matching black leather
spiked slave collars and more cockrings, a cat o’ nine tails, various
bullwhips, paddles, and an authentic, regulation canvas straightjacket with
leather straps. Because my mom was gone, in order to show off our kinky loot,
we decided to have a party. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We got cases of beer, lots of vodka, and avocados
to make guacamole; we spent the afternoon calling everyone to invite them.
Among the first to show up were Joan Jett and Lisa Curland, already many sheets
to the wind on Quaaludes and vodka. Our other guests all arrived in
various states of inebriation, too. By the time Cherie The Penguin, Tony The
Hustler, John Doe and Exene and everyone from Dangerhouse and The Wilton Hilton
showed up toting six packs of Mickey’s Big Mouth beer, we’d run out of chips. I
dared Tomato to try the guacamole with a dog biscuit, and he did, declaring it
“fabulous”. Suddenly, everyone had to do it. The downstairs bathroom was
commandeered as a dungeon, with Joan, Lisa, Hellin, Trudi, Gear and I taking
turns bending anyone who was willing over the rim of the bathtub, whipping them
as hard as we could. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We started a game with the straight jacket
and a stopwatch, having a contest to see who could last the longest amount of
minutes; some people took dares to escape but couldn’t. When KK emerged from a
really long bathroom session with Trudi and Joan Jett, I convinced him to try
it. He was drunk and obliged, but none of us- even KK- realized he was
claustrophobic! Once the buckles were in place, he flipped out and made a dash
for the open front door, running down the street screaming and body slamming
against the palm trees in an attempt to escape. Of course a neighbor called the
cops, and the party was busted immediately. The clean up was challenging; there
was blood on the bathroom walls, guacamole and crushed dog biscuits everywhere,
and for months, any time a piece of furniture was moved, a booze bottle or beer
can rolled out.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> When the Masque opened in August, it
became our amazing secret clubhouse. The steep concrete stairway –which,
in hindsight, I’m shocked no one ever tumbled down and died on- lead to a
warren of subterranean rooms, the walls already covered in punk graffiti from
the bands who practiced there. The stage was small and low, and the sound
system sucked but we were in heaven! It was also conveniently located
within crawling distance of The Canterbury and the Hollywood Boulevard Jack In
The Box, where you could buy pills.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> The vast public parking lots behind The
Masque functioned as a free motel- the ‘Ludes-fueled make-out sessions that
started in the Masque bathrooms would inevitably be consummated there. We’d
select the nicest cars we could find, try the doors-which were mostly left
unlocked- and climb in the backseat for some lovin’, leaving the windows fogged
up as we made a hasty exit to catch the next band. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Sex in those extremely
pre-AIDS days was louche and fun, and the hook-ups weren’t always heterosexual.
One night at Larchmont Hall, during an X show, Alice Bag and I got <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very cozy</i> while
guzzling Southern Comfort on the fainting couch in the Ladies Room. Her
boyfriend Nicki Beat of The Weirdos burst in and a huge brawl ensued.
My other constant make-out companions- all on a friend-with-benefits basis,
with no strings attached- were Joan Jett and Lisa Curland (who were in a
relationship at the time) Bobby/ Darby, and Go-Go’s Jane and Belinda. My affair
with Jane, which had started at The Masque, spanned years, continuing into our
respective relationships with Levi Dexter of The Rockats and his drummer, Dean
Thomas…though neither of the guys ever knew about it!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">1978 started off with January 14<sup>th</sup>
Sex Pistols gig at The Winterland Ballroom in San Francisco. Tickets were a
whopping <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">three
dollars</i> and the migration from LA was massive. Brad Dunning, Randy Kaye,
Brian/ Kid Congo, Nancy Nagler and I all crammed into Theresa Kereakes’ tiny Honda to
make the pilgrimage. But a few others got a head start: Hellin, Trudi, and a
bunch other chicks from the Canterbury had gone to Texas to catch the shows
there. It was rumored that Hellin lost her virginity to Sid, and that Alice Bag
and Pat Bag had followed suit with Paul Cook and Steve Jones. I reported on
this salaciously in my fanzine<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Lobotomy</i> (which
I started with Randy Kaye in 1978) though now I’m not entirely sure if these
rumors were actually true and who did what to whom! A few days after
Winterland, the Sex Pistols broke up and the Masque was shut down by the LA
fire marshals. The huge Save<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> The Masque</i>
benefit took place at The Elk’s Lodge, with The Dickies, Black
Randy, The Avengers, Dils, Weirdos, X, Bags, Screamers, Randoms and many others
and many others taking the stage.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Things rolled along with events happening
thick and fast- there were now so many local bands, plus New York and English
bands touring, there were multiple choices of things to do on any given night.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">In 1979, with the release of GI, produced by
Joan Jett, The Germs morphed from a semi-novelty band into a serious force to
be reckoned with. Their legions of slavish followers, fresh Germs Burns
blistering their hands, were sort of annoying and cult-ish to me, and quite a
few of the other original punks. Also, beach punks and Cromagnon-esque jocks
from Orange County had begun to infiltrate our scene, and many of us-
especially the women- were put off by it because of the violence in the slam
pits. Instead of the pogo-dancing fun we’d been accustomed to at the Masque,
the idiots who’d just months before had been screaming at us from car-windows
and beating us up had suddenly decided that punk was “cool” and the original
scene began to splinter. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> Many of the punkettes made a swift turn
to the neo-rockabilly movement, perpetrated by Levi & The Rockats, an
English band managed by the legendary Leee Black Childers of Bowie’s Main Man
Productions. Brian/Kid and I had seen them at Max’s Kansas City in New York,
opening up for the Cramps, and they were astounding. When they moved to LA and
took up residence at The Tropicana Motel, Jane Weidlin and I were among the
first punk chicks to convert, followed quickly by Belinda, Connie Clarksville,
Rosemarie “Wyline” Patronette, Anna Statman, Ann McLean and many more. Though
we all still adored punk, rockabilly shows were a much safer bet for us
physically, and the guys were more courtly in a 1950’s throwback way.
Guys were converting too, including Jeffrey Pierce, Billy Persons (of The
Falcons) and Brian/Kid. I reported on this trend with my first article,
“Rockabilly Redux” for the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">LA Weekly</i>, and
after that, they gave me my own gossip column, the infamous <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">La De Da, </i>which I
wrote for years, by myself and later in tandem with Craig Lee, and other
contributors.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> By early 1980, Ana Statman and I
discovered The Blasters, just before their first album came out. Even though I
still continued going to punk shows, writing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for Slash, LA Weekly,
New York Rocker</i> and publishing my fanzine <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy</i>, the
punk scene had lost its initial lustre for me. The rampant violence at
shows, constant police harassment and the rise of heroin as the drug of choice
within the scene had left me seriously disenchanted. The quick rise -and
subsequent fall- of The Germs, the concert series for The<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Decline of Western
Civilization</i>, and in December, the untimely death of Darby Crash sealed
it for me. I not only lost a dear friend- someone I felt I’d already lost
to heroin- I was sure that the scene I’d loved so much had ended for real. At
the time, I blithely moved on to other things- more writing, starting my own
band, the all-female Screamin’ Sirens in 1983, and becoming the full-time booker
for the seminal LA clubs Cathay De Grande and Raji’s. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> In retrospect,- and not just because I
was so young- the years between 1975 and 1980 really were beyond incredible.
Los Angeles was a crazy non-stop party and the punk scene was chock full of full
of interesting, wildly creative people. It was so much fun, most of us
didn’t even have time to stop and notice that history was being made.</span><br />
<br />
#<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> Purchase <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Under The Big Black
Sun</i> on Amazon:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Under-Big-Black-Sun-Personal/dp/0306824086">http://www.amazon.com/Under-Big-Black-Sun-Personal/dp/0306824086</a>
</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Come say hi to me on the Inter-Webs !</span></b><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "" "helvetica" "" , "serif"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood"><span style="font-family: "" "helvetica" "" , "serif";">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</span></a></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCd9Ch_GcbX7YUtW-oKmh8hEkZYrJ8QMcnL7pdxze2Ae7MPQTCVPPlKSqSbmCPPvFkKcyofFCH8BIAkCUuygQAkeZk-xX5COxuwFUkdRbw7ND8kAcF1_0XScU6XVnoreDkVnn0UpH3D3cK/s1600/Scan+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCd9Ch_GcbX7YUtW-oKmh8hEkZYrJ8QMcnL7pdxze2Ae7MPQTCVPPlKSqSbmCPPvFkKcyofFCH8BIAkCUuygQAkeZk-xX5COxuwFUkdRbw7ND8kAcF1_0XScU6XVnoreDkVnn0UpH3D3cK/s320/Scan+4.jpg" width="312" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> With artist Brad Dunning, circa 1979</td></tr>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-81674938191839701652016-04-22T15:40:00.002-07:002016-04-22T16:09:28.001-07:00 A NONSTOP CRAZY PARTY : THE LATE '70'S PUNK SCENE IN LOS ANGELES, PART 1<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4FXgnG0BuFP9pRqgEX1F2BE60HHwBROVU1TUMlgnKLnuEk1i8s0b_Xfpb0wc6X4MLB3CowrBUE46ld3vYzI3EFq-JocBxNNSJWxCgZowOFItOCvNHgCQXK8QciWXHPY32V5x9SKtdxjUR/s1600/jett+idol+wide+angle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="432" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4FXgnG0BuFP9pRqgEX1F2BE60HHwBROVU1TUMlgnKLnuEk1i8s0b_Xfpb0wc6X4MLB3CowrBUE46ld3vYzI3EFq-JocBxNNSJWxCgZowOFItOCvNHgCQXK8QciWXHPY32V5x9SKtdxjUR/s640/jett+idol+wide+angle.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> A typical night at Joan Jett's house circa 1978. L to R: Brad Dunning, Joan, Billy Idol, me, Wendy Bowie, Lorna Doom and Darby Crash of The Germs. Photo: Theresa Kereakes</td></tr>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story you
are about to read is the first part of the chapter I wrote</span></i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">
for<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
Under The Big Black Sun: A Personal History Of L.A. Punk </i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by John Doe, Tom De Savia and friends.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> The
book<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is all first-person essay accounts
of what the 1970’s Los Angeles punk scene was truly like. Along with me, the
afore-mentioned friends include Exene Cervenka,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Henry Rollins, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jane Wiedlin and
Charlotte Caffey of the Go-Go’s,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Robert
“El Vez” Lopez, Chris D., Mike Watt and many more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a fantastic piece of written<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>musical and socio-cultural<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>history, unadulterated by the assumptions of
people who weren’t there…enjoy!</i></span></div>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
Nonstop Crazy Party Part 1</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">It took a moment to realize
that the handsome silver-haired man handing me a lit joint was Tony Curtis. I’d
arrived in Los Angeles- and turned sixteen- less than two weeks before, but
somehow I had the social savvy to act as though it was completely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">normal</i> to be getting high with an iconic
Old Hollywood movie star. Taking a huge hit and choking out “Thank you!” as I
handed the reefer back to him, I silently marveled at my good fortune. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Being in LA was surreal,
something I’d dreamed about constantly since I’d discovered <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Creem Magazine</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rock Scene </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Andy Warhol’s
Interview</i> at the age of twelve. I was absolutely certain that once I got to
The City Of Angels, everything would pan out the way I’d always daydreamed it
would. A rock ‘n’ roll obsessed girl, I saw myself hanging out backstage at The
Whisky and The Rainbow sipping champagne with rock stars, or riding in the back
seat of a vintage convertible, cruising past pastel mansions and towering palm
trees on my way to the beach. To manifest this opulent fantasy lifestyle, I
channeled the glamour of silent film star Clara Bow, dying my ass-length hair
bright red with henna, piling on way too much black eye make up and muddy
maroon lipstick. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I’d taken the 83 bus down to
The Santa Monica Civic Auditorium for a concert. I felt extremely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">foxy</i> in my stained crepe 1930’s evening
gown, a frayed antique velvet jacket and the pair of mile-high silver glitter
platforms that had cost me three weeks’ worth of waitressing pay and tips… and
now I was getting wasted with the leading man from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Some Like It Hot</i>!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
March 29, 1975, and along with the rest of the sold-out 2,000-seat house, I was
waiting breathlessly to see Queen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Mr. Curtis handed the joint back to me with
a beatific smile, a pair of amazing looking boys passing my seat suddenly
diverted my attention. The taller one was slender and dark, a long black satin
cape billowing out behind him as he strode down the aisle. Barefoot and
shirtless, he wore heavy Egyptian eyeliner, his kinky hair splaying out from
his head in a Sphinx-like wedge. The other one looked like a real-life David
Bowie action figure, attired completely in white, his fluorescent<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>orange rat-tail mullet framing icy blue eyes
and a powdered pale cheeks, a perfectly rendered lightning bolt zigzagging
across his baby face.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Sharing a reefer with a movie
star was one thing- but what I was seeing was quite another. In that moment, it
seemed that all my fervent prayers were being answered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never one to ignore an omen, I took fate into
my own hands, borrowed a pen from Tony Curtis, and scrawled a note on a matchbook
I’d dug out of my tiny antique<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>beaded
evening bag. Along with my number, it read: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aladdin Sane; You Cosmic Orgasms-- Call
Me!!!</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">To further drive the point
across, I added stars, a crescent moon, a Saturn and a lightning bolt. With the
precision of a crackerjack pitcher, I threw the matchbook across a few rows of
seats just as the house lights were dimming, certain my life was about to
change.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day both the guys called me,
constantly grabbing the receiver from each other for the hour or so we stayed
on the phone. Our affinity was immediate. Since they lived by the beach, and I
lived in LA proper, we decided to take the bus to meet at the median point of
Westwood. We became a trio on a regular basis, cutting school, day-drinking
while listening to records, vandalizing office buildings, and hanging out at
Santa Monica’s lifeguard Station #26, known as the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“juvenile delinquent” beach. We’d prowl
Hollywood Boulevard, another haunt for high school students who were ditching
class. At night, we’d invade Sunset Strip to hear The Motels, Van Halen, The
Quick and the newly formed Runaways play The Whisky, where I’d gotten the
coveted job as ticket-taker in the box office. After the show, we’d score
Quaaludes for a dollar in The Rainbow parking lot. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Of course I had crushes on
both of them and couldn’t decide which one I liked better… until the dark
haired one made a move and I officially became his First Girlfriend. Their
names were Paul Beahm and Georg Ruthenberg…they hadn’t yet switched to their new
monikers: Darby Crash and Pat Smear.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Historians might argue that LA Punk didn’t get
its “official” start until 1977. It was definitely a year of benchmarks, with
the April 16th Weirdos/Zeroes/Germs Orpheum show, followed the next day by
first visit of a UK punk band- The Damned- at the Starwood, Slash Magazine’s
debut in May and the opening of Brendan Mullen’s club The Masque in August.
However, the scene had actually been bubbling under the surface since 1975.
That year, two key punk-precursor events occurred in quick succession:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Glam Rock haven Rodney’s English Disco
closed, and Patti Smith’s debut album <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Horses</i>
was released. Suddenly everyone on the scene chose sides, pledging allegiance
to one of two distinct camps. Those who were interested in frivolously dancing
the night away kept their Farrah hair and French bellbottom jeans, embracing
Disco. The others- like me- who were interested in a darker form of hedonism
gravitated towards what was soon to coalesce as the original LA punk scene.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Along with Georg/Pat and Paul
Darby, almost everybody I knew was in high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of us were seriously un-supervised
latchkey kids, completely alienated by the bland 70’s pop culture which society
relentlessly shoved down our throats and into our ears. We actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">read books</i>, something that seemed like a
truly archaic pastime and was frowned upon during The Disco Years. Horrified by
the stupidity of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Charlie’s Angels</i> and
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Six Million Dollar Man</i>, we
infinitely preferred subversive “art house” fare:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the racy foreign films, Manson Family
documentaries, John Waters’ <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pink
Flamingos</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Reefer Madness</i> that
showed as midnight movies at The NuArt or the Fox Venice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We were disgusted with the
syrupy garbage on the radio; the infinitely stupid, effervescent saccharine of
The Carpenters or The Captain & Tennille. We chose the sonic mayhem of the
Stooges, the salaciously macabre Alice Cooper, Kraftwerk’s robotronic void, and
the tawdry, homoerotic fabulosity of Lou Reed, David Bowie, and the succession
of British bands that were influenced by them. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance
in hell any of that would ever be broadcast on Top Forty radio, so we never
expected to hear it on anything but our cheap Sears Roebuck stereos or our
painstakingly curated homemade cassettes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Under-fed intellectually and refusing to
conform to a dumbed-down vanilla sensibility, we were constantly searching for
like-minded souls, people who shared the same arcane frame of reference. Soon,
a scene began to develop: in addition to disenfranchised kids from LA’s vast
array of suburbs, we began meeting people who were slightly older than us.
Aside from a love for unadulterated rock‘n’roll, we all seemed to have a blend
of the Beats’ appreciation for literature and art combined with the louche,
Harry Crosby-informed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">laissez faire</i>
of Paris in the Twenties and the drug-addled debauchery of Andy Warhol’s
Factory or the notorious Back Room at Max’s Kansas City. Once night fell, we
were sincerely on the prowl, and, as the New York Dolls said, “Lookin’ For A
Kiss”…or more, if we could get it…and usually, we could.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">My crowd and I were
streetwise teenagers, sophisticated enough to be experimenting with drugs and
sex, but hideously below the legal Age Of Consent. Most of us hitch hiked or
took the bus to Hollywood Boulevard, because many weren’t even old enough to
have a driver’s license, let alone own a car. With Rodney’s closed, we hung out
in Westwood or at The Sugar Shack, a San Fernando Valley teen club where you
were carded to prove your were under 21. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Our favorite late night
gathering spots were the all-night coffee shops- Arthur J’s on Santa Monica
Boulevard and the two similar Hollywood Boulevard institutions, Danielle’s and
The Gold Cup, later immortalized in Black Randy’s song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trouble At The Cup.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We fit
in at these places, which were full of street crazies, leather daddies, and
seventy-five year old women with capped teeth who’d come to Hollywood in the
1950’s as aspiring starlets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trannie
hookers turned tricks in the Ladies Room while rent boys straight out of John
Rechy’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">City Of Night</i> worked the
sidewalk. Mostly we hung out at these establishments after hitting the United
Artists Theater in Westwood to see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Rocky Horror Picture Show</i> for the millionth time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of these dives served liquor, so they
didn’t card anyone. Whether you were male or female, you could be totally at
home in your ripped fishnets, heavy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">maquillage</i>
and Sally Bowles’ fierce Divinely Decadent attitude. Who was going to hassle you
about your appearance…a stoned drag queen?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since it was The Swingin’ Seventies, our
nascent sexuality was also one big fat gray area…and it’s not like anyone was
keeping tabs, either! Our youthful, carnally adventurous spirit fit in with the
prevalent freewheeling attitude of the time. Mixed with the handfuls of pills
we took, washed down with the Mickey’s Big Mouth and Olde English 800 tallboys
we guzzled in back alleys, it made any sort of sexual classification totally
irrelevant. My crowd’s prurient interests- which had taken hold during Glam
Rock and informed many factions of LA’s early punk scene- included but weren’t
limited to fluid gender identities and non-specific sexual roles, uniform
fetishes, multiple partners and especially openly gay and bi-sexual
experimentation.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The people I ran with were
all fun and interesting. My schoolmate Randy Kaye introduced me to Dennis
Crosby, delinquent grandson of Bing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dennis was an absolute riot; openly gay and so casually out, everyone
accepted him. He was like an outlaw rock ‘n’ roll version of Liberace. He’d
wear my 1960’s Peter Max mini dress with a thick leather and rhinestone KISS
belt, cowboy boots and a Lone Ranger mask to school. Through Randy and Dennis,
I met their mutual friend from Rodney’s, Joan Jett, just as The Runways were
being formed. We’d cut school nearly every day watch the band rehearse at SIR
Studios in Hollywood. Joan introduced me to their manager/producer Kim Fowley,
and the guys who wrote the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Backdoor
Man<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>fanzine, Phast Phreddie and Don
Waller. The Runaways actually played their first show in Torrance…in Phast
Phreddie’s living room! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Around the same time, I’d met a kid whose
thrift store Pachuco pimp clothes belied his amiable nature and vast musical
knowledge, Brian Tristan. He became my roommate and changed his name to Kid
Congo before joining the Gun Club and later, The Cramps. Brian worked as a
clerk at Greg Shaw’s Bomp! Records. Though it was located in the vast wasteland
of the San Fernando Valley, Bomp! might as well have been Mecca, and everyone
made the pilgrimage, staying for hours because the English import 45’s we all
read about in Brit music papers<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Sounds</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">NME</i> were always in stock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anna Statman, who went on to be an A&R
person at Slash Records and Jeffery Lee Pierce, who was the president of
Blondie’s fan club before forming The Gun Club, both practically lived there. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The double-trouble blonde duo
Belinda Carlisle and Terry Ryan (later known as Germ’s bassist Lorna Doom) made
the long trek from Thousand Oaks to Hollywood almost nightly. Likewise, brother
and sister Paul and Kira Roessler and their pal Michelle “Gerber” Bell had<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>left the surfer life, abandoning Station #26
in favor of hanging out on Sunset Strip or The Starwood. The gals from Backstage
Pass- Johanna “Spock” Dean, Holly Vincent, Marina Del Rey and GennyBody looked
like tough ‘60’s B-movie stars and were ubiquitous scene makers - wherever you
went, they were already there, or walking in just behind you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Photographer Theresa Kereakes,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>whose appearance was fairly<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“normal” (she was just starting at UCLA)
began spending every night out at the clubs documenting the bands that were
playing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alice Armendariz and Patricia
Rainone (later known as Alice and Pat Bag) were always on the scene. A few
other gals constantly out on the town were Natasha, a petite redhead who’d been
around at Rodney’s, and sisters Jade and Zandra, who wound up documenting the
LA scene in their fanzine <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Generation X</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with Exene, they all rocked a vampy
1920’s look with a modern streetwise twist. I’d met Jane Wiedlin long before
the Go-Go’s existed. We were both at The Sunset Strip sister-store of the famed
London rock’n’roll boutique Granny Takes A Trip, trying to sell our original
T-shirts. Mine were covered dirty words stenciled on with spray paint, hers had
two zippers down the front, which when opened, would reveal the breasts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jane swears I was the first punk she’d ever
met, and she immediately began hanging out in Hollywood. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t remember the first time I encountered
Helen and Trudi, but it was probably while in line waiting to get into The
Whisky. Manager Jim La Penna had a habit of letting teenagers in for free if we
could prove that we maintained a B average- he’d actually make us show him our
report cards! Helen, Trudi and I formed a trio immediately, a mutual admiration
society based on similar taste.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hailing
from the beach community of Palos Verdes, they looked and acted anything but
suburban.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A slutty symphony in black and
white, it was as though they’d come to life from the pages of a 1950’s pulp
Men’s Magazine. Their dyed black hair was always snarled, they wore torn
vintage black slips, lacy bullet bras and battered stiletto heeled pumps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By accident or design, their vampire-white
bare arms and legs were usually covered in an assortment of scratches and
bruises.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One night while driving from the beach to LA,
they got in an accident that totaled Helen’s mother’s car. After that, they
moved in with me so they could be closer to Hollywood. Though my mom detested
the fact that our pillow cases were routinely stained bright pink or electric
blue due to the Rit Fabric Dye we’d taken to using on our hair (Krazy Kolor
hadn’t hit the market yet) she was actually the one who named Helen<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ Hellin Killer”, and the name stuck. We’d
study the postage stamp sized photos of Kings Road punks in the English rock
rag<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Sounds</i>, trying to absorb their
ferocious attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since there wasn’t
any punk gear available in America, Helen, Trudi and I made due wearing dog
collars from the pet store and bought $4.00 studded leather cock rings from The
Pleasure Chest to wear as wristbands. Soon Helen chopped off her bedhead hair,
styling it into a crew cut with two points in front, shaved her eyebrows and
pierced her cheek with a large safety pin, emulating Sue Catwoman of “The
Bromley Contingent”, a group of Sex Pistols fans that included Siouxsie Sioux
and Billy Idol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Around this time,
Belinda started showing up at gigs in Hefty trash bags that she’d fashioned
into dresses. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though our attitudes- and they way we
expressed them in our DIY fashion- were shocking to “normal” people, we soon
fell in with a crowd of slightly older hipsters who were in their twenties and
thirties; their arty outrageousness was so professional, it made us look
exactly like what we were- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kids.</i>
Every night, there’d always a bunch new cool people congregating in Hollywood.
Many of them had been involved in various other fringy subcultures. They came
from all over Southern California and beyond, major cities like New York, San
Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, and London, but even obscure places like Oklahoma
State University, where Dangerhouse Records founders K.K. Barrett and Pat
“Rand” Garrett had fled. John Doe hailed from Baltimore, Exene and Farrah
Faucett Minor had left Florida; the three eventually settling into a large
single apartment in the alley behind Circus Books. Located across the street
from the legendary rock club The Starwood, the apartment where X’s song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Adult Books</i> was written, it soon became
infamous for noisy after-hours parties. The constant influx into Hollywood was
like a seasonal mass migration, happening<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>as if by instinct. In those days, you absolutely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could</i> judge someone on appearance alone, because nobody in
Mainstream Society looked the way we did. God knows where they all came from,
or how we all found each other, but we were always excited to meet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’d be an almost tribal moment of stunned
recognition- you could practically see everyone thinking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Holy shit, there’s other people like me? </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">One night early in March 1977
at The Whisky, I was in the balcony with Joan, Hellin, and Randy trying to act
nonchalant as we sipped the illegal Long Island Ice Teas that waitress Marsha
Perloff had slipped to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’d get us
drunk every night by putting our cocktails on some hapless record exec’s
tab…not that they ever noticed. The Runaway’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queens Of Noise</i> had recently been released and Joan had just
returned from London. She’d left for the UK wearing her customary battered
white platform boots, high-waisted French bellbottom jeans and a baseball
shirt, but had returned clad in straight legged Levi’s, Converse sneakers, a
black leather jacket and a necklace made of safety pins. She regaled us with
tales of what was going on with rock ‘n’roll in the UK, and we were all
fascinated to hear a firsthand account. We were grilling her about English
punks as The Damned’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Neat Neat Neat </i>blared
over the PA, when suddenly our minds were blown to bits as we first laid eyes
on The Screamers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Tomata Du Plenty and Tommy Gear walked
through the front door, our mouths fell open in unison. They were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">magnificent</i>; it was as though they were
a pair of ambassadors that been sent from another planet to educate earthlings
on Punk Cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both had black spiked hair
and wore wraparound sunglasses and pegged black pants. Gear had on a 1950’s
black motorcycle jacket and a hardware store chain around his neck fastened
with an industrial padlock. Tomata was in a red sharkskin suit jacket with a
huge wooden coat hanger shoved into the shoulders. As if hypnotized, we all
walked onto the dance floor to talk to them. I immediately became obsessed with
the Screamers, as did everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even though they hadn’t played yet, their looks alone were so impressive
that we all bowed down. Brian/ Kid Congo soon became the president of their fan
club. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I hung out daily at The
Screamers’ place, dubbed The Wilton Hilton. A dilapidated Craftsman duplex, it
was two blocks away from Danger House, the pad where Screamers K.K., David
Braun and their friend Rand McNally lived, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>founded LA’s infamous underground record label of the same name. Tomata
and Gear lived in the top half of the Wilton Hilton with Chloe, wide-eyed
professional make up artist whose crew cut changed colors every week. A
stunning redhead named Fayette Hauser (who shared a matching crudely done
Kewpie Doll tattoo with Tomata) lived there too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and Tomata had been a part of The
Cockettes, San Francisco’s celebrated, outrageously gender-bending cabaret drag
troupe. According to Tomata, William Randolph Hearst had built the place in the
1930’s as a love nest for Marion Davies, before Paramount Studios bought it to
house their starlets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, at
some point in the 1960’s, all or most of the GTO’s had resided there; after
they left, it was occupied by a Satanic cult. It seemed credible- the floors
had large circles burned into the wood that could’ve been used for ritual, and
the downstairs family’s dog constantly dug up cat skulls from the back yard.
The hallways were painted matte black and at the base of the steps, there was a
huge wall safe and a framed newspaper clipping from August 6, 1962 that
declared in French “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Marilyn Est Mort!</i>
“.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hanging out at The Wilton Hilton was like
attending Punk Rock Finishing School.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Screamers taught me how to crash strangers’ parties and make a
French Exit, which meant you left by slipping out suddenly without saying
goodbye to anyone. They showed me how to screen telephone calls, a necessary
art in the days preceding answering machines. Gear demonstrated picking up the
phone with your voice disguised, and when the caller asked if you were home,
you’d say,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Let me see…” as you<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>put your hand over the receiver, then come
back on the line and go, “No, I’m sorry, can I take a message?” </span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone</span></i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> visited The Screamers; it was like paying homage to
their greatness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so obsessed with
them that I kept a CIA-like dossier on them in my journal, surreptitiously
noting down pertinent facts such as their real names, the people they knew
(Divine, John Waters, The Ramones, Blondie) and even what they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ate</i>. Helen, Trudi and I would sit
quietly, amazed that they considered us friends and awed with the parade of
cool people trickling into their house. Their entourage included Seattle
cohorts Gorilla Rose and Suitcase, ex-Warhol star Mary Woronov, Black Randy,
Hal Negro, and houseguests from San Francisco like The Nuns, Don Vinyl from The
Offs, Chip and Tony Kinman of The Dils and The Avengers, plus their mutual
manager, Peter Urban. The Screamers were constantly photographed, and the
screaming spike-headed logo that artist Gary Panter created for them became one
of the most recognized punk rock images ever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The spring of 1977 turned out to be a huge
turning point in the Hollywood scene; the punk rock storm clouds that’d been
gathering and building steadily turned into a killer tornado. Word spread
quickly on the street that The Damned, the first UK punk band to visit America,
were playing a two night, four-show run at The Starwood. Anticipation ran high
because since their first album had come out in February, The Damned had
usurped the Clash as our favorite English band. For weeks , you could walk into
any apartment at The Canterbury at any hour of the day or night and hear New<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Rose </i>or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fan Club </i>playing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact,
The Damned album was always baring so loudly you didn’t even have to be<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> in</i> the building- the sound carried out
the open windows and could heard it all the down on Hollywood Boulevard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once Brian / Kid Congo spilled the beans
that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Damned were making an in-store
appearance at Bomp! on April 16<sup>th</sup>, we all made giddy plans to be
there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bomp! was a madhouse, so packed that the crowd
spilled onto the sidewalk. Everyone was there, even Rodney and Kim Fowley, It
was An Event. It was also the first time many of us had seen each other in
daylight. Randy Kaye and Brian were elbow-nudging me as Angleyne sauntered in
wearing a powder-blue marabou-trimmed satin corset, her white Barbie Doll hair
piled in a high bouffant, with a face full of stage make up, which, in the
afternoon sun, looked like a scary doll-head mask. At the time, well before her
billboards had gone up all over LA, Angelyne was in an excruciatingly bad
bar-band called Baby Blue, made up of shag-headed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">poseurs</i>, trying valiantly to ride on the coattails of the punk
scene. As though a chorus of angels heralded their arrival, The Damned appeared
with the vampirical Dave Vanian sending every punkette’s heart a-flutter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Helen, Trudy, Mary Rat and I were absolutely
dumbstruck- and even more so years later when Pat Bag wound up marrying him! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Lots of us were drinking or
had shown up already drunk, like Darby Crash (who was going under Bobby Pyn at
the time) and Pat Smear. They were proudly wearing their new mustard yellow
band t-shirts, emblazoned in velvet iron-on letters GERMS. The shirts had been
made at a store were they charged by the letter, and their first choice of band
name, “Sophistifuck And The Revlon Spam Queens” simply wasn’t affordable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A band that none of us had ever seen before,
The Weirdos, showed up, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>their
appearance was so extreme- a pastiche of 1960’s vinyl raincoats, white patent
leather belts, bits of trash, metal chains and Japanese toys- that they
momentarily diverted everyone’s attention from The Damned. The Germs and I
introduced ourselves, and found out they were promoting their show that evening
at The Orpheum Theater, with Peter Case’s band The Nerves and a band from San
Diego called The Zeros.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ready to stir up
some trouble, I announced that The Germs were a band, and those they should
open the show… and they got invited onto the bill.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were already tipsy before leaving Bomp! but
since Chris Ashford was driving and he was over the legal drinking age of
twenty one, we stopped at a liquor store to get a few bottles of Cold Duck
before adjourning to my mom’s house so The Germs could get ready for their
debut show. Bobby/ Darby had purchased ten or so packages of red Licorice
Whips, so we spent the hours before the show tying them around his whole body,
over his clothes, knotted bondage style while popping Quaaludes washed down
with the cheap champagne. We got so wrecked that all I remember from the ride
up to the Sunset Strip was being crammed into the backseat, giggling
hysterically as the Cold Duck spilled all over Bobby’s Licorice Whip-wrapped
body, making him a sticky mess.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The Orpheum wasn’t a regular
rock venue; just a small black-box theater that Peter Case had somehow managed
to rent for this gig, which I believe was the first-and last- rock show ever
held there. Located just off the Sunset Strip, kitty-corner from Tower Records
on the tiny dead-end Nellas Street, the entrance was in the back, and as our
carful of crazies arrived, there was already a number of punks congregated in
the alley drinking, including Belinda, who was dressed in a light blue Disco
jumpsuit and spike heels, a giant flower in her hair. She hadn’t yet started
rockin’ the look she had in The Go-Go’s. The place was pretty crowded, lots of
people who’d been at Bomp! earlier were there, and when the Screamers showed up
with The Damned in tow,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sitting on tops of
the theater’s seat backs, it proved the show was definitely The Place To Be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Germs set was a huge mess, and that’s an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">understatement</i>. Aside from the ‘Ludes
and Cold Duck, they’d never really played before- and only had minimal
rehearsals, and it showed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even setting
up took them ages. Their show was actually pretty funny it was so bad, but a
lot of people were horrified, especially when the peanut butter came out,
setting a sloppy, condiment-oriented precedent for their future shows. It was
meant as a tongue-in-cheek tribute to Iggy, but it created a gigantic,
disgusting mess and the plug was pulled and the Germs thrown out. The Zeros
were on next and they were amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were so young and cute, like fetal versions of the Ramones, and really tight as
a band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Don’t Push Me Around</i> was so catchy it became a new anthem for many,
including me. The Weirdos were flat-out astonishing. Everyone went crazy. Their
insane appearance was the perfect foil for their music, which was like a sonic
wall of sludge, with John Denny lurching around the stage like an escaped
mental patient. With his tongue lolling out of his mouth and eyes rolling as he
growled out unintelligible lyrics, he was a rock ‘n’roll version of a Pieter
Bruegel demon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">#</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> Part 2 of this story will be published on April 28, 2016 </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Purchase <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Under The Big Black Sun</i> on Amazon:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Under-Big-Black-Sun-Personal/dp/0306824086">http://www.amazon.com/Under-Big-Black-Sun-Personal/dp/0306824086</a>
</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ4DLcdtHjHFGncpjpnn7_PU-1W3j1OX7XmI9xuub7oru79mILIoL3jx5NHU0NkuXsBMxRGBKWXKILy0iSYxHoB8F4yLwv4VUZIfangnPSK1nJDrZfju2FGW1TVQLixaHdoiixKDTG746N/s1600/UTBBS+BOOK.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ4DLcdtHjHFGncpjpnn7_PU-1W3j1OX7XmI9xuub7oru79mILIoL3jx5NHU0NkuXsBMxRGBKWXKILy0iSYxHoB8F4yLwv4VUZIfangnPSK1nJDrZfju2FGW1TVQLixaHdoiixKDTG746N/s320/UTBBS+BOOK.jpeg" width="212" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Come say hi to me on the
Inter-Webs !</span></b><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a> </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood"><span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</span></a></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 18.0pt;"> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZEqLCPrytYPxY24st42_cYd0tGJz-esYmm_2xK5yLLm7qaot8vT8Q1PsqBMDhdd0KLtyXfYtLsTfrCn0KLto-2YHr1SCnuRcyx3GD9S5pi5GMQ5GmlZrzCfo5n8x7jDHbK8N5t9M27oU8/s1600/NURSE+PLEZ+1977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZEqLCPrytYPxY24st42_cYd0tGJz-esYmm_2xK5yLLm7qaot8vT8Q1PsqBMDhdd0KLtyXfYtLsTfrCn0KLto-2YHr1SCnuRcyx3GD9S5pi5GMQ5GmlZrzCfo5n8x7jDHbK8N5t9M27oU8/s400/NURSE+PLEZ+1977.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nurse Pleasant, 1977 Photo: Theresa Kereakes</td></tr>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-37727868499165344862016-02-10T13:40:00.002-08:002016-02-10T13:40:51.998-08:00LOBOTOMY: A BRIEF HISTORY OF LA'S NOTORIOUS 1970'S PUNK FANZINE
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtAYVEUuN4KOVgTAGpB5KZRQY5iPZnTAPdggs1bRVHxYoiqSH6AnP6o6HS1Iyp3RqB6t1TpgUtVKVjNGqpG_IlapneuccZGqCbcQwx0N3m6Uhyphenhyphen0sEfzWn-1hyjyNGmUfYo1kcS-C8emTT/s1600/Lobo+pasteups.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtAYVEUuN4KOVgTAGpB5KZRQY5iPZnTAPdggs1bRVHxYoiqSH6AnP6o6HS1Iyp3RqB6t1TpgUtVKVjNGqpG_IlapneuccZGqCbcQwx0N3m6Uhyphenhyphen0sEfzWn-1hyjyNGmUfYo1kcS-C8emTT/s400/Lobo+pasteups.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Some of the original 1978 cut 'n' paste layouts for the pages of Lobotomy Magazine; photo of Billy Idol by Theresa Kereakes, collage art with hand writing --and shitty typing-- by me</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
early 1970’s punk scene was significantly different than it is today. In </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">New York, London and San Francisco, but especially in
LA, u</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">nless
you actually lived through it, there’s almost no way to describe how
electrifying-or how small and totally underground- it truly was.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Punk wasn’t considered <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cool</i> in those days, we were outsiders. Our look threatened<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>“normal” people, and many of us
actually got beaten up for our outlandish appearance. On the rare occasions
that <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually attended school, I’d walk
through the cafeteria while tablefuls of jocks with feathered haircuts would
chant the lyrics to Kool and The Gang’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Hollywood Swinging”, while throwing salads at me. Because they were
football players, they had great aim, and I’d often wind up covered in Thousand
Island dressing. At least it matched my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>bright orange hair!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s
pretty funny when I study my old punk old photos, because in hindsight, we didn’t
really look scary. Even though we thought we appeared dangerous and outré in
our solid-black getups, most of us were so young we looked like little
pubescent kids, but we were also dressed exactly the way <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everyone</i> does now! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Back
then, we were underage and therefore too young to be tattooed…unless we did it
at home, jail-style (which we all did) by melting a sewing needle into the
handle of a toothbrush, dipping it in India ink and poking the needle into our
skin by hand. There was also no Krazy Kolor on the market yet, so when we dyed
our hair, we had a choice of only three shades: black, Lucille Ball red, or
bleached white. Nobody (in the States, anyway) was making punk accessories, so </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">we made due by wearing dog collars from the pet store
and bought $4.00 studded leather cock rings from The Pleasure Chest to wear as
wristbands!</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
the spring of 1978, I founded my punk rock fanzine <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy</i> with my best friend from high school, the late Randy Kaye.
Randy and I –and an assortment of friends -went out every single night, and cut
school all the time to feed our rock ‘n’ roll obsession, usually going to Hollywood
Boulevard to visit Peaches Record Store. Chris Ashford- who later founded What?
Records and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>released The Germs’ first
single worked <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>there, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>would let us listen to the new British Import
punk 45’s and give us posters and other swag that came with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often, we’d all convene at the house of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>someone whose parents weren’t home <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to listen to music and get wasted on whatever
substances we could scare up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKjqAAXEdA4Z1CrhXETcy_LW0HAD0sfWZ4NDwtaOAGECZn-4nf2vYQXnBIDe7UfLe1BzvrAEDiPbSC4jKFYpvoHmx5zhRPe5bQSMYxOn3mz22gScCHagZdyoheNTVTGGm-5zcHJR0t7avJ/s1600/RANDY+and+me+SF.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKjqAAXEdA4Z1CrhXETcy_LW0HAD0sfWZ4NDwtaOAGECZn-4nf2vYQXnBIDe7UfLe1BzvrAEDiPbSC4jKFYpvoHmx5zhRPe5bQSMYxOn3mz22gScCHagZdyoheNTVTGGm-5zcHJR0t7avJ/s320/RANDY+and+me+SF.jpg" width="253" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Randy Kaye and me in San Francisco, 1978. The entire Lobotomy staff went up to the Bay Area for a series of shows Blondie was doing in SF and Berkeley. Photo by Theresa Kereakes</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
main reason we wanted to start a fanzine was so we could get free records and
get into shows. We took our title from The Ramones song<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Teenage Lobotomy”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Because<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>the LA scene was close-knit,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>there were also a few other<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>fanzines running concurrently, including <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Flipside</i> , which had started in East LA in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1977,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Generation X</i>, published by sisters Jade and Zandra, and Phast Phreddie’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Back Door Man</i>, which had started in the
South Bay. Though it wasn’t strictly punk, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was definitely
underground, and had been publishing since 1975.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were many <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>others, but none of them lasted as long as<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Lobotomy</i> or the ones just mentioned.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though everybody on the scene referred to our
fanzine simply <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy</i>, the real
title was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy: The Brainless
Magazine. </i>Later, we amended it to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy:
Where Glamour Is A Way Of Life</i>, ironically stealing the phrase that was
printed on the shopping bags from Frederick’s Of Hollywood. Lobotomy was
published usually-but not always- monthly from 1978 to early in 1982. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back on it,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Lobotomy</i> was kind of patterned after those <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>old school slam books from Junior High, and it
also functioned like today’s Social Media sites.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Randy
and I immediately enlisted our friend Theresa Kereakes to take photos, and then
drafted our pals Anna Statman and the late Herb Wrede to also be our
photographers, since we wanted to write about our local Hollywood scene and no
one who was “legit” was covering it. We knew it was important to have photos
from the shows we reviewed and the interviews we did… although I also combed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sounds, NME, Melody Maker</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Creem Magazine</i> to appropriate- photos
and make collages. </span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaXxzMkfs_FeO_GfIiZCln4QkGkej2XnJWTwFllJCR75VIJvk4Z3C4nHeFAa9Q4eTkpDGXp8sL351KdbOqWdYWRF99dy5y6ScFH3Y8ot0v4TStRUKKHin6Ov9Z1neq6TRfngs1KS-7kDU-/s1600/Plez+kid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaXxzMkfs_FeO_GfIiZCln4QkGkej2XnJWTwFllJCR75VIJvk4Z3C4nHeFAa9Q4eTkpDGXp8sL351KdbOqWdYWRF99dy5y6ScFH3Y8ot0v4TStRUKKHin6Ov9Z1neq6TRfngs1KS-7kDU-/s320/Plez+kid.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kid Congo Powers and me in the Lobotomy "office", photo by Theresa Kereakes</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Around the same time, I’d met
a kid named Brian Tristan and we became fast friends. He looked like Maynard G.
Krebbs by way of the Sharks in Westside Story. At the time, he was the
President of the Ramones Fan Club, and started writing a lot for Lobotomy. He
also wound up being my roommate for years, at a variety of different places…
before his name to Kid Congo Powers and joining the Gun Club and later, The Cramps. </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since punk was a totally underground
subculture, when we were working on<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
Lobotomy</i>, we never had to deal with agents, managers or major record
companies-we had access to everyone in the bands themselves. Our friends were
in bands, or we’d meet bands who were friends of friends, or simply call a
hotel where a band we liked was staying (usually the Tropicana Motel or The
Continental Hyatt House on Sunset, which was known locally as “The Riot House”)
We’d ask the band if they’d want to hang out, go record or thrift store
shopping or take them to a gig, and interview them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time, we became fast friends. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
were semi-delinquent teenagers who hung out with and interviewed artists who later became known as the groundbreaking stars of the late 20<sup>th</sup>
Century.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some</span> of the interviews that we did for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy</i> were with The Clash, The Damned, The Cramps, Blondie, X,
The Go-Go’s, Billy Idol, Lydia Lunch, 999, The Germs, The Mumps, Black Randy,
The Jam, James Chance, The Screamers and director David Lynch. And since no one
was on guard and absolutely nothing was being filtered through a publicist,
those interviews were extremely candid and totally wild. For example, Brian
Tristan aka Kid Congo and I interviewed Lydia Lunch while she and her new
husband Johnny O’Kane were in bed having sex; Theresa and I interviewed Blondie
while crammed into the tiny bathroom in Theresa’s apartment during a raging
party, while all of us were high on Quaaludes and beer. I probably don’t need
to tell you that shit like that just doesn’t happen any more, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Randy,
Brian aka Kid Congo and I did most of the writing, and we also all used several
pen names so it would look like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy</i>
had a big staff. Nick Garrard who managed the British psychobilly band The
Meteors was our London correspondent and Joe Katz of The Student Teachers was
our New York correspondent. They’d snail mail us accounts of the recent
goings-on in their cities. We’d also rope our roommates, houseguests and
friends to write things- even if they hadn’t ever written!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We'd get them drunk and shove a piece of
paper and a pen at them and literally<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
force </i>them to write a record review. Some of those contributors were Marcy
Blaustein, Nancy Nitro aka Nancy Nagler, Dennis Crosby (grandson of Bing Crosby)
and Ann McLean. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randy got our pal Joan
Jett to dictate an account of a 1978 Runaways UK tour to him which became<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Joan Jett’s Holiday In The Sun” in the
second issue. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">These
magazine layout sessions were always done shit-faced drunk at “The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy</i> Apartment”- as Theresa’s place
off La Brea and my place on Palm Drive were both called… although in some
issues of the issues, my place was referred to as “The Lobotomy Pig Stye”!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d stay up all night typing and gluing
stuff to the pages… which weren’t even the same paper!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d use whatever was lying around: onion
skin typing paper stolen from various office temp jobs, the backs of gig
flyers, and once, even a bunch of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>corporate stationary I’d stolen from the Los Angeles department store
Bullock’s Wilshire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually, I’d<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>draw the various fonts (which weren’t even
called that back then) freehand, reproducing logos for The Cramps or the Clash
by copying whatever was on the cover of their latest single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone gave me a few sheets of Press Type
rub-on letters and using it seemed so…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">professional</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Insert the Crying With Laughter Emoji here. </span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lobotomy</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> finally quit publication in
1982, because miraculously, all of us on the staff were getting real jobs by
doing what we did for the fanzine!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Theresa
was taking photos for all sorts of mainstream rock publications, I’d started
writing for LA Weekly<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- and many other
magazines and papers-in 1978, and founded the popular “LA Dee Dah” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hollywood scene gossip column, which ran for
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Randy and Anna both became
A&R execs at various record companies, and Kid Congo became a bonafide rock
star in his own right.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Never
in our wildest dreams did <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">any</i> of us
consider that the loopy Xeroxed fanzine we started as a lark nearly forty years
ago would be a turning point in our lives, let alone a significant piece of Los
Angeles punk rock history.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-HonYirC52uj_XF1K_fYWWXc6AYXYD8GucRZDWsX8563kVe1moqS4iK_YJJf9r3mz5_GbDK2oKr9Are5HCA_61Q4P60R-h35DmB5s4QgM3G13wxHsTHm-fW_nmG0PjI70aaxS2BJ8cN3/s1600/Joan+Jett+Billy+Idol+Plez.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="412" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-HonYirC52uj_XF1K_fYWWXc6AYXYD8GucRZDWsX8563kVe1moqS4iK_YJJf9r3mz5_GbDK2oKr9Are5HCA_61Q4P60R-h35DmB5s4QgM3G13wxHsTHm-fW_nmG0PjI70aaxS2BJ8cN3/s640/Joan+Jett+Billy+Idol+Plez.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Lobotomy "staff meeting" at Joan Jett's apartment on San Vicente: Left to Right: artist Brad Dunning, who created the Lobotomy logo, Joan Jett, Billy Idol and the extremely underage Wendy Bowie. Photo by Theresa Kereakes</td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>March 5, 2016,
in Los Angeles, Theresa Kereakes and I are having an opening for our art show <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Teenage) Lobotomy:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fanzine Art And Photos From The 1970’s LA
Punk Scene.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will feature
Theresa’s amazing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>live and backstage
photos from that time period, as well as the original paste up art I did for
Lobotomy. </span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">(Teenage) Lobotomy:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fanzine Art And Photos From The 1970’s LA Punk Scene</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Lethal Amounts Gallery</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">1226 West 7<sup>th</sup> Street, LA</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>8:00pm-11:00pm</span></b></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUVo1HXBX5ynxLZxu1FnT5M0XKKv5-Nn6U6DoveFMqdg4lSl7yqWRhQTi7Qf2ZXO0XjMqthyB3iC1C5zE8lz0C1wbKHV-P4baPNHJsqW4_tgOBYaa9qTjT91V4Oe3lY0adSCPQzwSOJNa/s1600/Lethal+Edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUVo1HXBX5ynxLZxu1FnT5M0XKKv5-Nn6U6DoveFMqdg4lSl7yqWRhQTi7Qf2ZXO0XjMqthyB3iC1C5zE8lz0C1wbKHV-P4baPNHJsqW4_tgOBYaa9qTjT91V4Oe3lY0adSCPQzwSOJNa/s400/Lethal+Edit.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rhys Williams and John from LA band The Joneses hanging out with Belinda Carlisle backstage at The Whisky in 1978...photo by Theresa Kereakes, original<i> Lobotomy</i> logo by Brad Dunning</td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And come say hi
to me on the interwebs at these fine locations:</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Link to the
(Teenage) Lobotomy Facebook event: </span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/566459213511914/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">https://www.facebook.com/events/566459213511914/</span></b></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"></span></b></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To read more
about my sordid punk rock past, or to order my memoir <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl Confidential </i>visit my website: </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-field-code: " HYPERLINK \0022http\:\/\/www\.pleasantgehman\.com\0022 \\t \0022_blank\0022 ";"><span class="MsoHyperlink">www.pleasantgehman.com</span></span> </span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">And come<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>say hi
to me on the interwebs at these fine locations:</span></b></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-88871767067953729872015-12-14T16:40:00.003-08:002015-12-14T16:40:59.748-08:00SANTA BABY
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlirLapO_Y7aNrYOO0PH8CaBK3Ci4piUAIJPnsLP-_BYe9tcbz8tkFuYS5Ln4Rtag5mjj6nFlrS17Uj8lLW7okEsDIRj3N6fOqZuq04SBbXPydr5F4G47S59OmtX1fmAffDHesN-mtmfPh/s320/Santa+Plez.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me...</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In the mid 1990’s, I was a member of Flowers
Of The Desert Arabian Dance Company, a professional belly dance troupe
put together by talented Los Angeles-based choreographer and performer Laura
Crawford. The Flowers worked regularly at Al Andalus, an
Egyptian-run club in North Hollywood as well as many other clubs; we did
theatrical productions, appeared on Arabic television, and at ridiculously
sumptuous private parties held by the many members of the Saudi Royal family.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Our repertoire focused on the dances of The
Middle East and North Africa, but we also did Bollywood, Samba, Flamenco and
quirky international fusion numbers. Because the company often gigged at
multiple locations in the course of an evening, and was composed of dancers who
were frequently busy doing their own solo gigs, the group’s line-up would
change drastically from gig to gig, often on the same night, with dancers
scheduled to drop in and out according to what numbers we were doing or to meet
the individual’s needs for the solo projects. This took a lot of planning,
and at rehearsals when the company’s scheduling was taking place; Laura was
always on the look out for new numbers to add spice to our repertoire.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">During the late fall of 1996, the troupe had
recently added weekend shows at a new Arabic club called Pasha. The club owners
wanted a modern floor show as opposed to a more traditional production, and the
performance area was small, holding six dancers tops, so this was yet another
challenge we faced- creating a full, varied show with a limited amount of
performers.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> At a Monday evening
post-Thanksgiving rehearsal, calendar in hand, Laura announced,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“ We need a solo for this week at Pasha, and
they specifically want something modern…can anyone come up with a new piece?”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> The room was strangely quiet; it was
that obvious everyone was wracking their brains, trying to come up with a
performance that could be ready by the weekend. Since nobody else was offering
a suggestion, I volunteered.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“I could do a number to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Santa Baby</i> by Eartha Kitt,” I ventured.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Is it ready to go?” Laura
asked, “Can we see it?”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> “Well, no…” I admitted. “But it <i>could</i> be
ready by this weekend!”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Laura cocked her head a regarded me in a
perturbed way. Sometimes she thought my ideas were a little risqué,
because many of them really were kind of outré, if not downright <i>scandalous</i>.
For example, I’d been nominated as the soloist in a samba number, not because
of my fantastic Brazilian dance technique, but because I was the only company
member who would wear a thong on stage! Another time, I’d suggested a group
number that involved a <i>West Side Story </i>gang-girl rivalry act;
with all the dancers appearing onstage clad as Flower Power1960’s go-go
dancers in hot pants, fishnets and boots. Everyone in the company
had their doubts, but the audience gave us a standing ovation and by the next
show, everyone in the troupe wanted to get involved.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“How would it go?” Laura asked, “What’s the
idea?”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“ Well…I’d come onto the stage in a big
faux-sable coat, gloves and a Santa hat,” I said, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“… And <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d strut around a little, taking off the
gloves and coat to reveal a red velvet Christmas outfit, Then I would just
sort of mime the words to the song, and walk around the tables giving everyone
some <i>personal attention</i>.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> A strange expression crossed Laura’s
face, and the rest of the company was even more silent than they had been
earlier, anxious to see what the verdict would be.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Finally, Laura said she’d think about it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">A few days went by, and apparently nobody
else had come up with anything, because I got a call from Laura the night
before our gig, telling me that “Santa Baby” was a go.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“But keep it<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> clean</i>!” she admonished.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I rehearsed my number into the wee
hours and got the costume together, even pinning a huge rhinestone brooch and
Mistletoe spray to my Santa hat. I felt great about my new debut…
until I got to Pasha, and had a look at the audience. They seemed to be all
multi-generational families dressed to the nines in holiday finery. There were
Lebanese, Armenian, Persian and Egyptian <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>people there, and I started to get a little
nervous. A Bollywood number had just ended- would the crowd get what I was
about to do? Would they even know who Eartha Kitt was?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">As the opening strains of “Santa Baby” came
over the speakers, I flung caution to the wind and sauntered out onto the
stage. I removed my fake fur coat, revealing my sparkly, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sexy Elf</i> outfit. The crowd became still, sitting upright
in their seats. I removed my red satin gloves, walked over to a
table, and “polished” an elegant, older gentleman’s bald head with one of the
gloves while I sat on his lap.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Except for Eartha Kitt’s suggestive
voice, the silence was deafening…until everyone at the man’s table burst into
wild hoots and applause, and the club’s photographer ran up, flash bulbs a-popping,
to document the moment. With that, everyone produced their own cameras and
started taking pictures, and other tables started waving me over, brandishing
wads of cash over the head of the person they wanted to single out.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I left the stage triumphantly to
appreciative applause, until the club’s manager came backstage after the show-
something he had never done before.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“I want to talk about “Santa Baby”
song,” he said, with a note of conviction in his voice.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">All the Flowers –especially Laura- looked
apprehensive, and I was afraid I might have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">crossed
the line</i>...and maybe get fired.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“ You must do this “Santa Baby” every show!”
he declared, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Every night you come, you
do this!”</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> After he left, we all had a giggle, and
Laura looked at me in a mixture of pride and disbelief.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Ok, Plezzy,” she said, “You’re booked!”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I performed “Santa Baby” every Friday and
Saturday night of the season, and it was a winner every
time. On New Year’s Eve, the tips during my number lay so thick on
the stage it was as though it had been covered with a snowfall of cash.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The first weekend of the New Year, we
performed an entire set of brand new dances, which we’d been working on
feverishly all throughout December.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> That night following our show, the
club’s manager once again stormed into our dressing room, only this time he
was <i>really</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">angry</i>. We
couldn’t figure out why he’d be mad; we’d done a truly awesome set!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“WHERE “SANTA BABY”? he
roared,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">WHY YOU DON’T DO THIS? I ASK YOU TO DO <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">EVERY TIME</i>!” </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Taken aback, we tried valiantly to
explain to him that it wasn’t Christmas anymore, but he just shook his head in
disappointment and left.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">#</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Come say hi to me on the
Inter-Webs!</span></b></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi871QFOjmvtqoBKTcSO9Y_T1j85VR8mVPA88xPCPFMk3aLf16qCdTGo3tR2Ji5cYO0szaCc3kkJ25S_4lXvqsLFFjq-bU74mrk1bo0no-bNcIm89e9bAZcyVPJ4pQhp1eoSIyGUO07iRaE/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi871QFOjmvtqoBKTcSO9Y_T1j85VR8mVPA88xPCPFMk3aLf16qCdTGo3tR2Ji5cYO0szaCc3kkJ25S_4lXvqsLFFjq-bU74mrk1bo0no-bNcIm89e9bAZcyVPJ4pQhp1eoSIyGUO07iRaE/s320/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To get a signed
copy of my book Showgirl Confidential, click here</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a>
</span></b></div>
Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-17614462415633273492015-09-19T14:58:00.000-07:002015-12-02T22:51:39.237-08:00FULL HOUSE<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW7NT5qKmQfctbcd_IYi1hWQSj5oK-0uZtlyHq725IK9Rl6DbL78QQ_H4DnQsPdXTAyXtBOQXQN6H8kQnDWcCE8DhhdxOxnl9GQslBrB1lA2EFxH-FFNRB7Hv39s_lvhCQjhdYQu9rTuzV/s1600/margaretcho-sensuouswoman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW7NT5qKmQfctbcd_IYi1hWQSj5oK-0uZtlyHq725IK9Rl6DbL78QQ_H4DnQsPdXTAyXtBOQXQN6H8kQnDWcCE8DhhdxOxnl9GQslBrB1lA2EFxH-FFNRB7Hv39s_lvhCQjhdYQu9rTuzV/s400/margaretcho-sensuouswoman.jpg" width="321" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Poster for The Sensuous Woman Aug. 10, 2007 at the Renburg Theater, Los Angeles</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent most of 2007 dancing in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Sensuous Woman</i>, comedian Margaret
Cho’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>boundary pushing, gender-bending burlesque
and variety show. The production melded Margaret’s outrageous stand up comedy
with classic as well as post-modern striptease plus a slew of hilarious song-and-dance
numbers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Sen Wo”, as we affectionately
called it in homage to J-Lo, originally started as a one-off benefit show at the
historic Los Angeles nightclub El Cid. It immediately sold out and we were
asked to do a residency there, which lasted several months. That led to dates
in San Francisco and an appearance on Fire Island, New York’s famed gay
enclave. Eventually a tour was booked, which included a week in Chicago and a
six-week Off Broadway run in New York City. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The show was wild by <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anyone’s</i> standards. Margaret stripped langorously
to classical opera until she was totally nude before parting her huge feathered fans
to reveal a disturbingly realistic flaccid penis. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Transgender comedian Ian Harvie’s set
focused on his misadventures trying to get a bag of dildos through the TSA
security checkpoint at an airport. Selene Luna,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3’ 10”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>comedian<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and burlesque dancer known as “The Pocket Venus”, rode onstage in a
vintage<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>baby carriage before toddling
around stripping out of a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>christening
gown<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and frilly bonnet. Liam Sullivan performed
his hit song <i>Shoes</i> as his teenage nerd-drag alter ego Kelly; queen-sized
burlesque legend Dirty Martini did “The
Patriot Act”, which concluded with her pulling an endless string of dollar bills
out of her ass. Mustachioed dancer Ryan Heffington rampaged through Michael
Jackson’s <i>Dirty Diana</i> dressed in acid-washed 1980’s denim and a miniscule
G-string, doing splits in over-the-knee platform boots before climbing
over the chairs to assault audience members with uber-raunchy lap dances. In
comparison, my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wizard Of Oz</i> burlesque
act as a slutty, stripping Dorothy Gale who gets molested by a Flying Monkey
looked <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tame</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">All prurient lunacy aside, the
entire cast was always just a little stunned at the show’s popularity- who
would’ve<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> ever</i> thought that that an audience
made up of about ninety-five percent queer men would flock to a show which
primarily featured women twirling tasseled pasties?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">In order to up the ante even
further, it was decided that for the tour, we’d add in a couple of Busby
Berkely-esque group numbers for the opening and a grand finale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We moved into another residency, this time at
the Los Angeles LGBT Center’s Renburg Theater in Hollywood to woodshed the new,
improved show before taking it on the road. We rehearsed at the Center through
most of June and July, before finally moving into the theater itself for our
dress and technical rehearsals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
very pleased with the venue; in addition to state-of-the-art sound and lights,
the Renburg featured modern plush chairs, which reclined for optimal audience
comfort.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">During our first tech
rehearsal, Ian and I decided to go out into the middle of the house to see what the lighting looked like from the audience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since it’s always difficult to know what the
stage lighting looks like when you’re actually standing <i>under</i> it, we decided to
take photos for reference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As we whipped out our smart phones, Margaret was onstage going through
her<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Chairman Meow” burlesque number. She was
in mid-striptease, wearing a Chinese Army uniform, her twin braids peeking out from under her
Mao hat. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“Hey, look at this,” Ian
cried, perturbed, brandishing his phone under my nose, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“It looks like it’s <i>snowing</i>
in here! ”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The photo he’d taken captured
the entire theater as well as the stage, and the whole picture was chock full
of orbs. Some people think that orbs-the white or translucent spheres that appear as
anomalies on photos -are merely dust particles on the camera lens, but others
believe they’re a visual manifestation of spirits. Many are convinced that when
orbs show up on film, it’s a sign that angels are nearby.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">As Ian aggressively dusted
off his phone screen and camera lens, just in case of dust, I snapped a photo on my phone... and the resulting
picture was exactly the same as his.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ian cocked his head, arched an eyebrow and
asked,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“Do you think these are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">orbs</i>?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">We immediately both wondered
out loud about<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the possibility of the
Renburg being haunted, as many theaters are reputed to be. In fact,
historically, so <i>many</i> theaters are alleged to be inhabited by ghosts that for
the past decade, the famed New York Theater publication <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Playbill </i>actually tracks- and publishes - sightings of apparitions and other reports
of paranormal activity in it’s annual <i>Broadway</i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Yearbook</i>. After a “spirited” discussion, we both decided that since the
Renburg Theater was built recently, it probably <i>wasn’t</i> haunted after all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Just then, the theater’s director
Jon Imperato came up to us, asking if we were pleased with the venue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We assured him we were, and making small
talk, Ian asked how many people the theater held. Jon’s answer stunned us into
silence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ We hold five hundred, “ he said, making a
sweeping gesture,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“...And every seat in here is
dedicated to honor the memory someone who died of HIV or AIDS-related
complications. There’s a plaque on the back of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">every</i> <i>chair</i>.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">As Jon walked off to check on
the lighting, Ian and I looked around. Indeed, every damn chair in the place
had a plaque on it, with the name, birth and death dates of the individual it
honored.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Glancing down at our phones
to see the orb-filled photos once more, Ian and I locked eyes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Ian wrinkled his forehead as
he surveyed the theater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He nodded
imperceptibly a few times as though he was processing his thoughts, then exhaled
slowly and said enthusiastically,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“Well… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I sure hope all you guys enjoy the show</i>!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">#</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> The story you've just read is from my forthcoming book <i>(Super) Natural Woman </i>which will be published by Punk Hostage Press in 2016.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2tecBls_vBl3Njsf3kKRXlt1fNpdRdXD4o2RLYxD5LX4EJCL1sRoK5d22_HlDuVLifSxurlTXphzPjeizHUasjqS0-Y8qryg3yUVLgn_KzvOfrymZWFQgqhYix5HODyxrFTviWLlVHPYJ/s1600/362594-250.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2tecBls_vBl3Njsf3kKRXlt1fNpdRdXD4o2RLYxD5LX4EJCL1sRoK5d22_HlDuVLifSxurlTXphzPjeizHUasjqS0-Y8qryg3yUVLgn_KzvOfrymZWFQgqhYix5HODyxrFTviWLlVHPYJ/s400/362594-250.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> The Sensuous Woman: left to right Ian Harvie, Margaret Cho, Dirty Martini,Ryan Heffington, Selene Luna, me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> Come say hi to me on the inter-webs:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Twitter:
@pleasantGehman1</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
Instagram: @princessofhollywood <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/"><span style="color: blue;">www.pleasantgehman.com</span></a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/"><span style="color: blue;">www.princessfarhana.com</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<a href="http://www.thedivinationnation.com/"><span style="color: blue;">www.thedivinationnation.com</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman"><span style="color: blue;">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</span></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-33392460329703534242015-07-16T14:15:00.002-07:002015-07-17T17:38:09.079-07:00THE GERBER BABY'S TECHNICOLOR YAWN: A PUNK ROCK PRACTICAL JOKE GONE DELIGHTFULLY WRONG<style>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQyMa8eW_6PL2_ZTEdsgsU5q9wM7C4z4ofikFhlxZyLK7Ct8gd1XmshoYeGNG1ob5Lyxf85uTukuFPAHgr4n05L2ia5NmnpRjqE43CU_DcOfUM-FpkntjkSQeBbtt7N1UP8gLlMpKs67X/s1600/Kid+%2526+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQyMa8eW_6PL2_ZTEdsgsU5q9wM7C4z4ofikFhlxZyLK7Ct8gd1XmshoYeGNG1ob5Lyxf85uTukuFPAHgr4n05L2ia5NmnpRjqE43CU_DcOfUM-FpkntjkSQeBbtt7N1UP8gLlMpKs67X/s400/Kid+%2526+me.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kid and me at our infamous Lobotomy Magazine punk crash pad, 909 Palm in 1977 Photo by TheresaKerakes</td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1976, when I was seventeen, I came up with
an ingenious way of buying booze. The idea was that I’d disguise myself as a
practical, somewhat harried young mom who just happened to be picking up a
fifth of vodka… along with the rest of her weekly household supplies. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d go to the supermarket- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> a liquor store; that was an
obvious bust- dressed up in what I hoped looked like <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“straight lady” clothes: taupe pantyhose and
a conservative beige vinyl pocketbook that had all been dumpster-dived from a
Salvation Army Donation Box. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In keeping
with what I imagined a Normal Housewife would look like, I’d pull my hair back
in a tortoise shell Goody barrette, and apply frosty turquoise eye shadow as
opposed to my customary winged Ronnettes-like tough rock’n’roll chick winged
eyeliner. Then I’d put my glasses on- I’m so blind that I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>need them to see more than two feet in front
of me- but they were so ugly and dorky I never wore them to gigs or anywhere
important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, they were perfect for the
character I was creating!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow, I always passed. I like to think that
my superlative dramatic skills were what conveyed my <i>Young</i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Mom Realness</i> to the staff at the many stores where I pulled this
scam. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until I hit my late
thirties that I stopped I looking like a baby-faced pre-teen. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell, maybe it was the glasses after all! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I’d<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>get all dressed up in my costume and collect
money from my three roomies whenever we needed a drink- and that was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">often</i>- before trotting off to the
supermarket to score. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The four of us lived in a non-descript 1950’s
apartment building at 909 Palm in West Hollywood. Our lifestyle<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was
similar to a hippie commune, though our aesthetic was strictly Post Glitter
Rock, informed more by John Waters and The Rocky Horror Show than The Merry
Pranksters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lease on our place was
signed by Ann McLean, a party girl whose Hammer Films Scream Queen looks belied
her eternally sweet nature, and Bing Crosby’s grandson Dennis, a witty, louche
bon vivant who’d spent his years at Beverly High tottering around on platform
sneakers doing amyl nitrate in the hallways while he cut class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ann and Dennis had been fast friends ever
since they’d met at Rodney’s English Disco. Tiny but legendary, Rodney’s was
the ne plus ultra of Glam, where The New York Dolls, Alice Cooper and Led Zeppelin
would get cozy with the scads of scantily-clad fourteen year-old-groupies while
Rodney himself spinned Bowie and The Sweet. None of us living in the apartment
were gainfully employed-or working at all- except our fourth roomie, Kid Congo,
who, in his life before The Cramps and The Gun Club, took the long bus ride
from our apartment to his part-time job as a clerk at Bomp! Records in North
Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the rate we all drank, I
had to pull the Young Mom stunt so often that it was absolutely necessary to rotate
between the many markets in Hollywood so as not to arouse suspicion. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Once I arrived at the store,
wary of any grocery clerk’s watchful gaze and with the craft of a highly
trained Method actor, I’d stroll down the aisles at a leisurely pace, acting out “comparison
shopping” on stuff like sponges, Tupperware and cooking utensils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since my roomies and I were on an <i>extremely</i>
limited budget, literally scraping up pennies from the carpet to buy our hooch,
the concept was to keep up the ruse while at the same time spending as little
money as possible on non-alcoholic things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In addition to the all-important vodka, my regular checkout haul included
three or four jars of baby food, a roll or two of toilet paper, and a package Kraft
Macaroni and Cheese or Top Ramen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The booze was consumed instantly, the food got
wolfed down in short order, and we were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never
</i>without bathroom tissue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
after a few months, the jars of baby food became a problem; they began to take
over our kitchen. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were all so poor we
were loathe to waste food, so once in a while someone would wind up eating a
jar of Gerber’s mashed plums or add some Toddler Chicken Bits to their Top
Ramen, but even that never made a dent in our supply.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">At one point, in a moment of
practicality, Ann suggested we simply return the baby food to the stores and
get the cash, but I nixed the idea. First of all, it was impossible to tell
which store all the jars came from, and it wasn’t like I saved the receipts!
More importantly, I was afraid that it would blow the entire scam if I suddenly
showed up at some market with, like, twenty or so full jars of strained
spinach… what would I say, that my quintuplets died suddenly? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">So the ruse continued, and started
to spread. Once I explained the concept to my close friend Theresa Kereakes, a talented
photographer who worked with me on my punk rock fanzine, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lobotomy: The Brainless Magazine</i>, she took to the idea like a duck
to water. Soon, her cabinets were chock-full o’ baby food jars too.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Blondie first played The Whisky in
February 1977, we held a party for them at Theresa’s pad. Amidst the Quaalude
and Burgie Beer-drenched mayhem, we locked ourselves in the bathroom with the
band to conduct an interview for <i>Lobotomy</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
resulting cassette was uproarious, with standard interview questions
interspersed with Clem Burke and Jimmy Destri yelling about The Bay City
Rollers, Debbie giggling uncontrollably, and Chris Stein singing an off-key
rendition of “Gary Gilmore’s Eyes” with lyrics changed to reference the roadie
they shared with The Dead Boys, Michael Sticca. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Outside of the tiny bathroom,
the party was in full swing, with pretty much all of Hollywood’s nascent punk scene
in attendance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of the Go-Go’s were
there, of course, as well as Joan Jett, The Screamers and The Plungers- Helen, Trudy, and Mary Rat. Members
of The Germs, X, The Berlin Brats, The Bags, and pretty much Everyone Who Was Anyone
made the scene, too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">That particular soiree was so
wild, it was an absolute miracle<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>the
cops weren’t called -as they had been so many times before. It took a really
long time to clear the apartment, and when it was finally empty, the place was
more of a wreck than it had ever been...and that was saying something! Beer bottles and empty half-pints of
booze covered every available inch of surface, as well as most of the floor. In
the midst of the debris, we noticed that poor Kid was passed out cold on the
kitchen floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a stalwart drinker
who was like The Energizer Bunny- he was usually among the last standing at any
particular event; tonight, incongruously, he was out cold. After numerous
attempts to wake him up and help him move to a more comfortable spot to sleep
it off, Theresa and I finally gave up…until I was struck with a lighting bolt
of an idea for a practical joke. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I opened the cabinet and grabbed an armful of
the baby food jars.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“We’re gonna spread this shit
all over the floor and around Kid’s mouth,” I yelled, laughing hysterically, </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“When he wakes up, he’s gonna think he puked all over the place!”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Theresa and I opened up all
the jars and began to mix the strained peas and carrots with the chunky beef stuff
to affect the appearance of a huge pile of Jack Daniel’s puke on the floor,
directly adjacent to Kid’s face. With the precision and artistry of Michelangelo
painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling, we daubed a bit of the disgusting stuff
around Kid’s mouth and on his chin. In punk rock homage to Jackson Pollack,
Theresa stepped back and flung some onto Kid’s arm as well. Satisfied that our endeavor
was Puke Perfection, we decided to leave the horrendous mess of bottles and
cans for the morning, took some aspirin and went to bed.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">We awoke to the delicious
scent of cooking bacon, which was almost-but not quite- enough to ease our
hangovers, which were brutal. With the hunger that can only come after a night
of binge drinking, we both enviously assumed that the smell was drifting in
from a neighbor’s window. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stepping into
the living room, we were astounded to see that all the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dead soldier beers, paper cups and booze
bottles were piled into three huge trash bags sitting by the front door. As if
that wasn’t enough, the dishes were done, the floors had actually been<i> mopped</i>,
and Kid was standing at the stove, frying eggs to go along with the bacon he’d
just finished preparing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also sunk
in that Kid had to have gone to the store to get the food, too, cause it wasn’t
like there was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever </i>anything to eat
in either apartment.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Theresa and I were speechless
with shock- shit like this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i>
happened.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing our stunned expressions, Kid ducked his
head sheepishly as he handed us plates of breakfast.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">“You guys….” he began
tentatively,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I have a confession.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last night, I…uh… kind of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">made a mess</i>…so I cleaned the house.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Theresa and I shared a
sidelong glance, and then just started chowing down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We hadn’t anticipated the house cleaning or the breakfast, but weren’t about to look a gift horse in
the mouth!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were so consumed with guilt that it took us years-make that <i>decades</i>- for
us to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘fess up and tell him the truth.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For more scary
punk rock memoirs, purchase an autographed copy of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my book<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl Confidential</i> ,
here:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a>
</span></b></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-28979850292298558552015-07-01T12:08:00.000-07:002015-07-01T12:08:05.223-07:00RED DEVIL<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMHOvHnAdsBVNmEJTW0D7Yru1MGwx7LmBJPic0Vhvgz9b_hb4LYVgA-vb-kn4gHy0aXUijyjAc7qCwQ6vP8Is95X6-_I6vdi9TyIJl382oAjCPmvyASJGrLQ6IH8cA8aCzw4GQcLw2ABhH/s1600/Salute.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMHOvHnAdsBVNmEJTW0D7Yru1MGwx7LmBJPic0Vhvgz9b_hb4LYVgA-vb-kn4gHy0aXUijyjAc7qCwQ6vP8Is95X6-_I6vdi9TyIJl382oAjCPmvyASJGrLQ6IH8cA8aCzw4GQcLw2ABhH/s640/Salute.jpg" width="432" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Saluting my country on July 4th, early 1980's</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1979, if you were an unskilled, unemployed
pyromaniac, you were always assured of employment at one of the many Red Devil
Fireworks stands that sprung up around LA County in the weeks before
Independence Day. The only job qualifications necessary were a moron’s grasp of
arithmetic and being crazy- or desperate- enough to work twelve hour shifts at
the height of summer in a screened-in, corrugated aluminum shack surrounded by
roughly three tons of explosives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have to fill out a job application.
At the beginning of every summer, my roommates and I threw wild all-night punk
rock parties that went on non-stop for days on end. When one of the drunken revelers
asked me how I could possibly manage to do this and still hold down a job, I explained
that I was unemployed. Back then it was tough to get work if you had pink hair.
This guy said he could help me out, scrawling an address on the side of a
Coor’s carton. I reported to the location the next morning, bleary eyed and
hung over, along with five other guests who’d spent the night and were in the
same condition. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We were hired on the spot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The firework stand was located
on a vacant lot at<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the intersection of
Venice Boulevard and Robertson in Culver City. Though we were a motley crew with
our unevenly cropped and dyed hair, Blondie and Clash T-shirts, stiletto heels
and motorcycle boots, our co-workers all appeared to be fresh from the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LA county correctional facilities. There was a
cholo who showed up every day-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no matter
how hot it was</i>- in corduroy house slippers and a plaid wool Pendleton
buttoned all the way up. He had his girlfriend’s initials in gold pierced into
his ears, an 18<sup>th</sup> street tattoo on his neck, a jailhouse tear in the
corner of his left eye, and a crude cross with C/S for “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Con Safos</i>” inked into the web of skin between his thumb and index finger.
There was a trailer trash woman of indeterminate age who was never without
bubblegum pink rollers in her hair. She must’ve weighed an easy two hundred and
seventy-five pounds, and complained constantly in a whiny South Carolina accent
about how her feet hurt. And then there was Roger, a genial senior citizen who
did nothing but guzzle beer all day in the corner while he pulled apart dozens
of Piccolo Petes and Sonic Screamers. He’d add new fuses and with the precision
of a skilled surgeon, join all the smaller fireworks together to make bootleg
Roman Candles. He turned out to be the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">boss
</i>of the operation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The six of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>us- underage punks, artists and alcoholics -fit
in perfectly. We soon learned the difference between Ground Bloom Flowers and a
Cave Of Pearls, Serpent Charmers or Witch’s Cauldron fountains, Smoke Pots and
Magic Rainbow Snakes. It took me under two days to get on a beer-sharing basis
with Roger, and soon there was an industrial sized cooler full of booze on ice,
available to anyone who wanted to imbibe. We knew from the many posted signs
that it was illegal to smoke within three hundred feet of the stand, so cigarette
breaks became a frequent group affair, and we took them even more often once we
discovered that Julio, the 18<sup>th</sup> Street guy, was never without killer
buds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the girls I brought in made long, lovelorn
calls on the stand’s payphone to her rock star boyfriend in England, charging
them on a hot credit card. She shared the number with me and I got in on the action
too, also calling the UK to talk to my English Teddy Boy flame plus the famous <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>British punk star I was having a simultaneous
affair with. I shared the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bogus credit
card with Julio, who <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>gave the number to a
homie who was incarcerated. Since nobody else but us ever used the payphone, after
a half pint of Jack Daniels, Roger just looked the other way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The day I decided to show up
for work in a skimpy halter top, Roger singled me out as a protégée, carefully
teaching me his secret to crafting Bottle Rockets. Occasionally a sleek,
ominous- looking black sedan would pull up to the side of the stand. A swarthy
man in a crisp white shirt and Rayban Wayfarers would step out of the car, open
the trunk, and all the employees and most of the customers would cluster
around, waving money.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Naively, I asked Roger what
was going on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh,” he said, taking a long swig of his beer
and wiping his mouth on his sleeve,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“He goes down to Mexico and
gets <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real</i> fireworks…none of this
candy ass shit we sell!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could buy a quarter stick of dynamite from
the guy for thirty cents. Next time the sedan showed up, I was there, cash in
hand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We’d come home every night
drunk out of our minds, exhausted, blackened from head to toe in gunpowder,
flash powder, sawdust and shredded strips of Asian newspaper, our
under-the-table pay<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>stuffed into our
pockets in big gangster rolls. By the end of the first week, I knew that while
Chinese fireworks had the most amazing colors, American fireworks were much
louder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also learned that a
Boilermaker was bourbon and beer mixed together, how many strategically placed M80’s
it took to blow up a two-story house, and whom the 18<sup>th</sup> Street gang
was going to hit next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I discovered that
a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cherry Bomb</i> wasn’t just a Runaways
song, but a highly potent illegal explosive that had been banned in the USA
under the 1966 Child Safety Act. My bootleg Bottle Rockets were starting to
look pretty damn professional, too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">One of the guys I’d brought
in found out how to fudge the inventory and was bringing home a case each of
Ground Bloom Flowers and Sparklers every day. He told Roger he was moving and
needed the boxes. I’d sit bored at the cash register, my hands coated with a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>thick, scaly, shiny mixture of dried Elmer’s
Glue mixed with Bonne Bell lip gloss in grotesque <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>peeling layers. When an innocent customer
would ask if the fireworks were safe, I’d reply, “Safe And Sane!” before pushing
the change through the cashiers grate with my mangled looking paw, delighting
at the look of shock and horror registering on their faces. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Inside the stand, my friends
and I would bend down over stacks of Family Pack Displays and whistle a series
of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>descending notes long and low through
our teeth, watching <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the rest of the
staff frantically scramble on top of one another trying to get through the lone
exit before the place blew sky high. As Independence Day approached, we pulled
a string of all nighters, blasting The Sex Pistols and The Ramones, which
almost- but not quite- drowned out the Southern woman’s bitching about her
aching feet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Fourth of July was an anticlimax.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spent it on the beach in Santa Monica, but
now, being<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> insiders,</i> we just couldn’t
really get into the city-sanctioned display…we wanted <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">volume</i>, we wanted <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fire power,</i>
we wanted <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Total Destruction</i>. Besides,
Roger had passed out inside the stand, and we were all <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a little too chicken to blow up all the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>gigantic illegal Roman Candles and Bottle
Rockets he’d so lovingly prepared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Instead, we dropped a trail of lit up stolen Ground Bloom Flowers out
the back window of our battered Honda, all the way from the beach to Hollywood.
We stayed up all night drinking at my place Disgraceland, lighting fireworks in
the bathtub and on our porch, throwing them out the windows at random to
startle the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>late night revelers passing
by.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The next morning, we returned
to the firework stand, but like Brigadoon, it had vanished. The site had been
returned to its original state: an abandoned lot. It was completely desolate
and sad, with nothing left but a few shreds of red, white and blue bunting
blowing in the wind, empty beer bottles and a couple of dud Lady Fingers
scattered among the weeds in the sandy dirt. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Later that week, I received a
final check for overtime and a handwritten note asking if I’d like to work at a
Christmas tree lot in December.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I declined.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">#</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The story you’ve just read is
from my forthcoming book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Good Girls Go
To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere</i>, slated for publication on Punk Hostage
Press in <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2016.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Purchase a signed
copy of my latest book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl
Confidential: My Life Onstage, Backstage And On The Road</i></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Here:</span></b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://www.pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI0mzhKYoNw6XNSKNxYQ66MoDffp5yawh8v_ld4PHhR7-YRxzO2sSeybfBec-H2w9x9fgvsHH-UXQ4o0sfPqTA01G99bB7aO_rDOHB42WFkVhNkxDuTitjbR8PjgEzJ6cIFD56qC9z88Y8/s1600/desktop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI0mzhKYoNw6XNSKNxYQ66MoDffp5yawh8v_ld4PHhR7-YRxzO2sSeybfBec-H2w9x9fgvsHH-UXQ4o0sfPqTA01G99bB7aO_rDOHB42WFkVhNkxDuTitjbR8PjgEzJ6cIFD56qC9z88Y8/s640/desktop.jpg" width="495" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Saluting my country...more recently</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-50546857148827705042015-06-19T13:18:00.001-07:002015-06-19T23:38:38.517-07:00 HE TURNED ME INTO DORA MAAR<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbkaeIYEHYcm4QSriMFDqidTo5iy45w4Hyzlo3srYBygOaNlXMVKHrX8rPaAnfuCj1ExgMbRBaIhM0IvSfDxgbnSrVa0MhK7CVMEIw3WNBP6zMkj6Eed1qA4B8he3W4c_WtiSZEAQIt_HT/s1600/the-weeping-woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbkaeIYEHYcm4QSriMFDqidTo5iy45w4Hyzlo3srYBygOaNlXMVKHrX8rPaAnfuCj1ExgMbRBaIhM0IvSfDxgbnSrVa0MhK7CVMEIw3WNBP6zMkj6Eed1qA4B8he3W4c_WtiSZEAQIt_HT/s320/the-weeping-woman.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weeping Woman by Pablo Picasso, 1937</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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We haven’t seen each other for more than six months, after
an intense affair which was packed with enough peaks and lows to give even the
most foolhardy or courageous person a nervous breakdown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now here we are in Paris, neither of us
sure exactly what is going on between us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After four days of visiting monuments, getting drunk on the steps of
Sacre Coeur, dropping acid at Jim Morrison’s grave, careening around Pigalle
smashed on Pastis, having conversations and lots of hungover sex in the crack
of two single beds pushed together to form a double one, we <i>still</i> don’t know. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The humidity is unbearable, close and claustrophobic. We’ve
spent the day lost on the Metro, but now it’s twilight, and we’re having <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A Situation </i>in our tiny, cramped hotel
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Music drifts up from the street
below, and what began as a request for a goodbye kiss—he’s supposed to be going
home tonight—has somehow escalated into a surreal disjointed discussion of our
relationship. All the doubts and fears and misconceptions are offered up for
examination, things which had- until this point remained unstated- are coming
to light. I feel tears well up and try to hide them at first, but then don’t
see the point in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been keeping a
lid on my feelings for most of the time we’ve known each other, thinking
(correctly) that any emotional display would horrify him.</div>
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Of course, we’ve been drinking all afternoon.</div>
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I am suddenly Picasso’s “Weeping Woman” come to life, and it
isn’t pretty. The brilliantly colored cubist planes <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that seemed interesting on canvas <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>do<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> not </i>translate
well on a human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both my <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>eyes are on sideways, tears flying out like
fragments of broken glass to match my fragmented psyche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mouth is a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>distorted gash of red like a bleeding open wound…or
maybe that should be a bleeding open <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">womb</i>.
I feel helpless and damaged, palms sweaty, hands shaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hysterical.</div>
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Everything he’s saying is a lie, I’m certain of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether it’s intentional or just something he’s
trying to convince himself of, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it
doesn’t matter right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s wound
around me like a snake, physically and figuratively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to escape but can’t leave the heat of
his skin, and the tears won’t stop no matter what.</div>
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He’s telling me he wants to end our sexual relationship,
touching me the whole time, stroking my hair, his palms soft on my skin as he
holds me, rubbing my back lightly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
hear what he’s saying, and yet I still am finding comfort in his arms, inhaling
his familiar scent, feeling his bare skin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a moment of lucidity I realize that I can’t figure out if I want to
fuck him, or just be held and have him comfort me like a baby, even though he’s
the one that’s making me feel this way to begin with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Undoubtedly, this is one of the more perverse
moments I‘ve ever experienced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find it
hard to believe we’re having this conversation in bed with no clothes on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find it hard to believe that this
conversation is taking place at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s difficult to tell who is more out of control, me or him.</div>
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“When I came here,” he says, “The whole way on the train, I
wasn’t sure if we were going to have sex.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“When I came here,” I answer, my voice taking on a nasty
shrill edge, “The whole way on the plane, I didn’t know either…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">but I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>notice we both brought huge boxes of condoms!”</i></div>
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I cannot see how any of this is ever going to be resolved,
especially considering the fact that we now reside on two different
continents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems to me that with his
words, he is denying everything that ever happened between us, but with his
actions, he feels the same way that I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Clearly, he thinks with his head , no matter how twisted his logic might
be, and I think with my heart. The pain I am feeling is expansive, with no end
in sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have reached a stalemate.</div>
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All I can do is cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Can’t talk, can’t smoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t
look in the mirror, I’m blinded by tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I cry the contact lenses right out of my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s drinking straight from the bottle and I
won’t any more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not doing the trick
now, anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Raw emotion has nullified
any effects it might have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">scaring</i> myself now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take a Xanax to calm down but all it does
is cause my speech to slur slightly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
feel frighteningly sober and completely lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel like I’m outside of myself, floating somewhere near the ceiling
of the room, watching this sick scene unfold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The tears still won’t stop, it’s like a year’s worth of tears have been
bottled up and the floodgates have broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By now, it’s dark.</div>
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“Have I broken your heart?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>he asks, not without concern.</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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“When, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">recently?” </i>I
practically scream, amazed that my sense of irony can still function at a
moment like this.</div>
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The next morning I wake up in the wrong bed, unaware of when
I fell asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes are nearly
swollen shut from crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hazy sunlight
is streaming in through the cheap gauze curtains with the sounds of Paris
coming to life just after daybreak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
is still sleeping, but leaving this afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are bottles, cans, and shredded tissues all over the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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The pillows are smeared with a massacre of lipstick and
black with a ruin of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tear-washed
mascara: love notes to an assassin who didn’t quite finish his job.</div>
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#</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Get a signed copy of the book this story is from,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Escape From Houdini Mountain </i>– or my
latest book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl Confidential: My
Life Onstage, Backstage, And On The Road</i> here:</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://www.pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a>
</span></b></div>
Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-9747194488829336262015-05-06T00:00:00.002-07:002015-05-08T16:19:43.818-07:00GET YOUR KICKS ON ROUTE 666, PART TWO<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivv0QSKCRWDPmK51B8gIexJOF5WU5kWA7P9k8gzk8QEUF8ZPYjkn5Cfb3ep3jlH3ateY7kYd1Mv4wQJNKQGzCye7Dzq0mwH7b4d7UY6INz-2wCQc0YzJb4Sb4r_wQtEorbLo5sqYUMeXsc/s1600/Route+666.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivv0QSKCRWDPmK51B8gIexJOF5WU5kWA7P9k8gzk8QEUF8ZPYjkn5Cfb3ep3jlH3ateY7kYd1Mv4wQJNKQGzCye7Dzq0mwH7b4d7UY6INz-2wCQc0YzJb4Sb4r_wQtEorbLo5sqYUMeXsc/s1600/Route+666.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The
story you are about to read is Part Two of a memoir from a Road Trip From Hell
that took place in 2002. It's full of psychic phenomena, odd
coincidences, and unexplained paranormal weirdness...Enjoy! </span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the hair on my body stood on end. I
shuddered in utter disbelief, chills running up my spine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like I was drowning, like my brain was
being sucked slowly and loudly out of my skull. In the midst of it all, my
thoughts came thick and fast.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How was
this even possible…especially after the episode with My Electrical Disturbance?</i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why the hell hadn’t I paid attention to
that damn gas pump?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More importantly,
how come<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my apparent clairvoyance had
shown me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Chinatown”, and not the part
about the police pulling us over? What the fuck?</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started crying hysterically again, and at
some point, still in my clothing, fell into a deep, fitful sleep. I awoke
suddenly to blinding desert sunlight and the tinny sounds of ranchera music on
a cheap radio, floating above the roar of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>the maid’s vacuum cleaner in the room next door. I took a shower and
tried to apply make-up over my tear-swollen eyes. I was gonna need every bit of
what was left of my feminine wiles to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>figure out storing the truck, not to mention getting out of Seligman,
considering the fact that I was twelve bucks away from being flat broke.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Grabbing
a paper cup full of the brown crayon water that was masquerading as coffee in
the lobby, I began trying think coherently about negotiating vehicle storage at
the tow yard, not to mention financing my trip back home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Chuck Norris guy greeted me brusquely with
a grunt as I entered his garage. He rolled out from beneath the chassis,
dressed in worn, grease-stained coveralls. Lighting a Marlboro, he repeated his
terms, and then asked if my boyfriend had gotten out of jail. I started weeping
again, snot dribbling out of my nostrils as I recounted the previous nights
events…leaving out the crazy paranormal shit so I wouldn’t sound completely
insane.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh, man…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">please</i>
don’t cry!” he begged, his demeanor changing unexpectedly,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ I just cannot handle seeing a woman crying!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He pulled out a plastic orange crate,
gesturing for me to sit down as he handed me a clean red chamois cloth to wipe
my eyes with and a glass of water.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You seem like a nice person, “ he said
earnestly, “ I know you’re really upset…and I’m not sure why your boyfriend is
in jail…”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’m
not either!” I wailed, lips quivering, snot bubbling out of my nostrils like a
child, “They wouldn’t<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> tell</i> me!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He
looked me straight in the eyes and told me he would store the truck until James
got out of jail, and only charge me five buck a day instead twenty five, but
that I had to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">promise</i> to mail him the
cash as soon as I got home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gratefully
agreeing to his terms, I offered to leave my license as collateral, but waved
his hand in dismissal. Writing me up a receipt, he said a Greyhound bus came
through the town, and let me use the shop phone to make a reservation. The
automated voice stated that the bus only came through Seligman every three
days; apparently, I’d just missed one. Seligman, known as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The Birthplace of Route 66” is located in
Northern Arizona’s Upland Mountains,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“conveniently located” exactly 180 miles away from both Phoenix and The
Grand Canyon…which was a euphemism for “in the middle of nowhere”.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I hung up in despair, the tow driver told me
I could get a flight from Flagstaff to Phoenix, so I could then fly to LA. I
reached my sister, told her the predicament, and she called back after she’d
booked the flights for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wolfing down
the Snickers bar the guy offered me after he called the taxi service, I thanked
him gratefully and profusely for his kindness. Things were actually starting to
look up!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
“cab” which turned out to be a black 1980’s Cadillac Seville with a burgundy
velvet interior, arrived an hour and change later. The sunburned driver was
portly in a plaid shirt, Polyester pants and a shocking white comb-over.
Holding the door open for me, he told me that the journey to Flagstaff would
take roughly two hours. Shaking Chuck Norris’ hand, I stepped into the car’s
front seat and we took off.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neil Diamond was playing softly on the radio
as we drove through the barren desert. Thinking of Pa in jail, I felt tears
welling up again. Staring out the window at the scrubby landscape, I tried to
be as silent as possible, just for the sake of being polite.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">An
hour or so went by before the cabbie, in a timid voice, ventured,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Miss?
I know this isn’t any of my business, and I don’t know what happened to you,
but I hope you’ll be all right… I don’t want to pry… but…” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Taking
a measured breath, he continued,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“ I
wanted to let you know that… you’re… the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had in
my cab.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a married man, so I don’t… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mean anything</i> by this…but, uh, I want to
help, so… this ride is on me”.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked over at his sincere face, and burst
into tears again, loudly and for real.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Thank
you so much!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sobbed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">We
drove the rest of the way in silence. When he let me out at the Flagstaff
Airport he wouldn’t take a tip, just patted me on the arm in a fatherly way and
wished me luck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though the airport
was the size of a postage stamp with only one runway, because<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the September 11<sup>th</sup> tragedy had
was still a brand new open wound, the security line was a bitch. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it happened, I had a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Starred Ticket, which meant I was singled
out for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“secondary search”. The
extremely thorough agents succeeded in knocking six keys off my brand new
laptop. Then they confiscated all the vintage diaper pins inside my bag.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Like,
sure, I was totally planning to hi-jack the plane by brandishing a diaper pin
decorated with a yellow plastic ducky!</i> As they did this, a woman breezed
through the line wearing one of those giant American Flag pins made of beads- and
twenty or thirty safety pins<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">her</i>? “ I asked indignantly. “She’s got tons of safety pins on!”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh,
“ the security agent said, “That’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just
jewelry</i>!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With all the security procedures, I barely
made my plane, which turned out to be a single-engine eight seater. Five
passengers were men, ranging from executives to desert rats, and there was a
pair of newly weds who’d obviously been honeymooning at the Grand Canyon. Their
affection made me lonely for Pa and their clean-cut appearance made me envious.
It was clear that neither of them had never jumped on the hood of a police car
like a lunatic, experienced psychic issues involving popular films, or<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>gotten stranded in a surreal one-horse town
with no money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt immensely sorry
for myself and during the bumpy take off, and the crying kicked in again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t even notice the incredible turbulence
until the flight attendant started doling out barf bags to everyone- handing me
my bag along with small package of Kleenex. As we flew directly into a vicious
thunderstorm, the plane hurdled up and shot down hundreds of feet like a thrill
ride. Shell shocked, I watched with a detached fascination as huge,
fake-looking white bolts of lightning practically bounced off the wings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Passengers were heaving loudly and the entire
cabin reeked of vomit. The new bride clutched her husband’s hand praying out
loud and the pilot yelled frantically into his headset as the flight attendant
white-knuckled her seat.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After what seemed like forever, the plane
burst out of the storm and into glaring sunlight, making an abrupt descent into
Phoenix. Everyone filed off the plane and onto the tarmac like zombies.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I had an hour to kill- and had almost
died- I found the closest bar right away. Gulping down two shots of vodka in
quick succession, I noticed the woman on the stool next to me staring…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m a fucking wreck</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked like a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Casino Trash Bingo Lady from Laughlin who’d
been a stripper in her youth, with her fried blonde hair and sun–damaged skin
covered in harsh, cheap make up. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Been
there, done that, got the T-shirt”, she said with a kind, knowing expression
crossing her weathered face. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Your drinks are on me!” she stated firmly,
ordering me another shot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t remember the flight back to LA, or
getting home. Immediately I called I called Prescott and learned that Pa had
been transferred to The Yavapai County Detention Facility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I Googled the number and called, waiting
through a series of automated prompts and recordings before I got a human
being. At first, the CO wouldn’t let me talk to him or leave a message,
explaining that inmates couldn’t receive messages unless there was a Verified
Emergency Situation. After I called back six or seven times in quick succession
pretending to be a pregnant spouse, in exasperation the guy finally said he’d
give Pa the message and allow him to place a collect call to me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Half an hour later, I gladly accepted the
charges, rejoicing in hearing James’ voice. He sounded good in spite of
everything he’d been through: getting shackled with the “4-piece” – the cuffs
and chain arrangement usually reserved for serial killers- while sitting in the
back of a squad car and then on a bench in Prescott waiting to get processed.
He’d gone to jail in ancient, shredded jeans and a T-shirt emblazoned with a
ventriloquist dummy that had a bloody Manson X on its forehead and “Puppet
Terror” in drippy horror movie letters. He didn’t have a cent on him and was
barefoot, so he was booked as an “indigent”. He still hadn’t found out why he
was being held or when he’d be released, but he sounded good. I promised to
wire cash to be put into his commissary account and we phone-kissed. The call
ended far too quickly, but reassured that my lover wasn’t being mistreated; I
slept peacefully for just over twenty-four hours.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next couple of days were filled with calls
to his mother<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(who, not surprisingly,
was cautious and suspicious each time we spoke) and cyber-stalking the Yavapai
County Detention Center, to the point that I knew how many employees the place
had and all about the new prison-wide plumbing system that was being installed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a couple more days, Pa finally found out
why he was being detained. It turned out that a court summons had erroneously
been sent to an address at which he hadn’t lived at for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">years. </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Eventually it turned
into a bench warrant, and the recent passing of the Patriot Act had qualified
any<i> fugitives from justice</i> to be extradited back to the state they’d fled for
trial and/or punishment. So Pa was held in custody in Arizona until New Mexico
sent for his transport, which would land him in the Metropolitan Detention
Center in Albuquerque, until his trail. We’d definitely need a criminal lawyer
to unravel this mess, even though it stemmed from a clerical error.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was at an absolute loss at how to find a
competent attorney in another state. There were dozens of them listed, but
trying to actually reach one on the phone was impossible. Either the lawyers
would be “busy” and I’d be forced speak to a clueless paralegal who didn’t
understand the situation and apparently never left a message, or it was suggested
I come to New Mexico for a consultation- yeah, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">right!</i> And then I remembered Mr. V.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d known Mr. V for years- he’d gone to
school with one of my sisters. Somehow during a boozy party at her place,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr. V had pegged me as a libertine, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pulled me aside<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to confidentially ask me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for sexual advice<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>regarding his current girlfriend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Evidently, I counseled him quite well,
because he began calling me every few months to ask my take on getting a girl
to role-play or how to introduce light bondage into a relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These calls became regular... like, every time
he had a date (and he was dating a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lot</i>)
but they were clean and clinical as opposed to kinky, I didn’t feel creeped
out at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> starting to feel like an unpaid sex therapist though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he called for the third time in one
week, wondering about coercing his latest fling into getting spanked, I joked
that he would have to repay me someday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since Mr. V was a former state senator who was currently a lawyer…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that time was now</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As
luck would have it, Mr. V was happy to reciprocate, hooking me up with a man
who was supposed to be the best criminal defense attorney in the Southwest; he
even wrote a personal letter of recommendation. The lawyer took the case, but
the court date wouldn’t be set until Pa was extradited back to New Mexico.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Meantime,
James seemed to be having a fine time in the Detention Center, as detailed in
his many letters to me. Along with heartfelt passages about how much he missed
me, he wrote descriptions of day-to-day prison life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, because I was still calling the
prison constantly to check on his status, I’d become something of a <i>celebrity</i>
among the correctional officers. During the Lights Out rounds, while dragging
his baton along the metal bars, one of them had even taken to clandestinely
whispering out of the side of his mouth, “Hey! your wife called again!” </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">His
correspondence described all the various inmate cliques:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the Mexicans who’d life weights by attaching
plastic trash bags full of water to each side of a broomstick, the trannies who
offered hair cuts to other inmates from their cell-salons, the Meth freaks and
the White Power guys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wrote about the
shitty food- and the people who served it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The prison had separate buildings for men and women in the same
compound, and the food-serving trustees worked both sides. For a price, they’d
smuggle foil-wrapped notes (hidden under the lid of the meal plastic
containers) back and forth between lovers who resided in different cellblocks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One letter of Pa's included pencil rubbings of
the tweaker graffiti carved into the metal benches, another was written from
the viewpoint of an ET who’d somehow been incarcerated.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Through
the grapevine, he learned that many of the inmates believed Yavapai County was
shaped like a Pentagram, and that the Sheriff’s office was the very tip of the star. Then there was The Truth Hurts Incident. The only channel the big
screen television in the common room ever played was MTV, all day and night. Pa
just happened to be watching when my video made its debut. All the convicts
were crowded around the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>TV, whistling
and catcalling at the hip-hop hotties shaking their booties. When I swirled
onto the screen in my sparkly blue and gold costume and veils, undulating in a
“private dance” for Dr. Dre, Pa proudly announced to everyone that I was his
girlfriend. <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Of course they all thought he
was joking!</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He’d
also become the star of a true Big House rags-to-riches story. Because of his
artistic talent, he was now rolling in cigarettes, candy bars, Hostess Cakes,
postage stamps, and Swiss Miss drink packets…. all paid to him gladly by his
fellow inmates. He was doing a roaring business drawing birthday and greeting
cards to send to their mothers, wives and baby-mommas. His work was composed of
intricate pencil drawings decorated with cherubs, hearts and roses colored in
vivid yellows, and reds and greens, using un-cooked Jell-O mix as paint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He even designed a tattoo of a raging bull
for somebody, and then watched it get inked into the guy’s skin by hand. I
could practically see the headlines: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jailhouse
Indigent Makes Good!</i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the last day it was possible to extradite
James from Yavapai County to the Metropolitan Detention Center in Albuquerque,
the New Mexico officers showed up. They’d flown over in a Cessna to bring James
back to wait for his trial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Green-faced,
one of the cops was so sick and terrified in the tiny plane that Pa wound up
holding his hand the entire way.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
jail there was vastly different than in Arizona- Pa was put into General
Population, which was basically a huge cage full of crazy people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In comparison, the Yavapai Country Detention
center had been a cakewalk. He kept a low profile as he waited for another two
weeks for his day in court.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Apparently,
Mr. V had done an absolutely bang-up job of finding an attorney. Though the
lawyer was hideously expensive, he was, for real, the best criminal defense
attorney in the state. He was also the presiding judge’s golf buddy, and had
been a mentor to the prosecuting lawyer when he’d been in law school!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few days after the trial, James returned to
Hollywood in his rattletrap pick up truck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He hugged me long and tight and we kissed for eons. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I
brought you a present from jail!”, he said jubilantly, handing me a grocery bag
and a tattered paper clipping.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some guys learn how to crack safes or become
bookies when they’re on the inside; others kill their fellow inmates with
shanks made from a toothbrush. But Pa had been going through magazines in
Albuquerque, looking for<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> recipes</i>. The
one he handed me was for Southern Fried chicken, written by Martha Stewart…a
good two years before she herself was incarcerated.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’m
starving,” Pa said, getting out a frying pan.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Let’s try this!”</span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I handed him the contents of the grocery
bag, he squeezed me and sighed regretfully,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, when we were in Kingman, and the gas
pump said $9.11? I didn’t think that was a good sign, and I wanted to stay
there at the motel…but I didn’t tell you because I thought you’d think I was
crazy!” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"># </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">This story<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>excerpt is from my memoir <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl
Confidential: My Life Onstage, Backstage And On The Road, </i>published
September 2013 by Punk Hostage Press. </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">To get a signed copy of the book, please
visit </span></b><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">www.pleasantgehman.com</span></b></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz7Qab-zewbwJcIVYWVKJouR9mIZ7EMAaBVJjmmeKtxvuMfcVGEIiUbY20n4VzholJN-JkiiH9ewFAMGqx2c8jp3EsLu5FXlIS_DFvH3ecqqwCYR6KYQRIG7xL6g2_8H9nWm_StHkf-XGh/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz7Qab-zewbwJcIVYWVKJouR9mIZ7EMAaBVJjmmeKtxvuMfcVGEIiUbY20n4VzholJN-JkiiH9ewFAMGqx2c8jp3EsLu5FXlIS_DFvH3ecqqwCYR6KYQRIG7xL6g2_8H9nWm_StHkf-XGh/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">To get a Tarot card reading from me or to check out
what I do when I’m not dancing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>or on the
road, click here: <a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">http://www.pleasantgehman.com/</a>
</span></b></div>
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> Find me on online:</span><br />
<a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/">www.princessfarhana.com</a> <br />
<a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com/">www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com</a>
<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a>
<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/princess.farhana">www.facebook.com/princess.farhana</a>
<br />
<a href="http://www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana">www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana</a>
<br />
<a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
<br />
<a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</a>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-45360627574498701542015-05-03T13:00:00.002-07:002015-05-08T16:20:01.592-07:00GET YOUR KICKS ON ROUTE 666 , PART ONE<style>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The story you are about to read is true a memoir of a Road Trip From Hell that took place in 2002. It's full of psychic phenomena, odd coincidences, and unexplained paranormal weirdness. It's the first installment of two posts...enjoy!</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sister, my daughter…my daughter, my sister…</span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">She’s my sister- and my
daughter!</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was standing on my kitchen steps in a
t-shirt and panties at 6:00am, punctuating my hysterics by slapping myself
across the face and I had absolutely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no
idea </i>why I felt the need to be play-acting the most infamous scene from
Roman Polanski’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1974 neo-noir hit
“Chinatown”. For some unknown reason, I’d woken up with this frenzy-in minute
detail- running through my head. It was almost as though I was being
manipulated by some unseen force.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My
new boyfriend Pa regarded me affectionately-and a little curiously- as he
handed me a cup of coffee.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“What
are you doing?” he asked affably, as though this wasn’t such unusual display at
the crack of dawn.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I explained that I was acting out both the
Faye Dunaway and Jack Nicholson parts from the scene where Evelyn Mulray, under
duress from sadistic private dick Jake Gittes, breaks down and admits to the
incest in her family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh,”
he said, nodding as though this was a perfectly logical answer, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I never saw<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Chinatown”, but I heard it was good!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a reason Pa wasn’t fazed by my
behavior. Even though we were in the throes of new love, we’d actually known
each other for ages and had a lot of history together. We’d met in the 1990’s
at the now-legendary Clown Party, an epic private even held at the Phoenix Iron
Works warehouse in Oakland, California. Hundreds of people from every facet of
the Bay Area’s alternative scene attended: punks, visual and performance
artists, skateboarders, college students and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>mad scientists from Survival Research Labs - all dressed like clowns.
Pretty much the whole party was tripping their brains out on massive amounts of
the freshly picked psilocybin mushrooms that the host had thoughtfully left out
as party favors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like any rational,
well-adjusted person, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">detested</i>
clowns. But one glance at Pa, handsome in his crisp painstakingly applied
whiteface and a professional-looking red nose changed that. He was the sexiest
clown I had ever seen. The following day, sans make up, he was even sexier. He
had a dangerous, brooding Bad Boy appeal and a beautiful smile. I was beyond
smitten… also, I had a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">husband</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pa’s real name was James. “Pa” was an old Army
moniker, an abbreviation that had come from the first two letters of his last
name. He’d been stationed in various Asian jungles for two years, and after
being discharged he’d come to San Francisco to attend art school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a hot combination- he was a robust,
ripped alpha male who could carry on conversations about classical literature
and art theory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though he’d grown his
crew-cut out into a long, braided rat-tail the fell to his hips, some of his
Army habits died hard; he was never without combat boots and still wore a
bandanna tied around his head pirate-style, a habit he’d picked up Thailand to
prevent leaches from crawling into his ears while he slept on the ground. He’d
tell insane stories about getting fully suited up in HAZMAT suits and gas masks
during all-night chemical drills, taking LSD to stay awake.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever I’d come up to the Bay Area, he’d
make special trips from his little ranch in Sonoma to see me, but nothing ever
happened, so I couldn’t tell if he felt the same about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d get shit-faced at Oakland dive bars like
Esther’s Orbit room, but all we ever did was hold hands. Besides, both of us
had always been with other people. When he married suddenly and disappeared, I
was heartbroken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More than decade later
I still thought of him constantly, so I worked my romantic demons out by
writing a story about him called “Coco The Zombie Clown From Heaven, which was
published in my memoir collection,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Escape From Houdini Mountain”. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">In
early 2002, years after his wife died and long after he’d broken up with the
girlfriend who followed her, Pa was living in New Mexico. Someone had given him
my book as a gift, asking if the story was about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He read it and found me immediately, less
than four months before the “Chinatown” moment unfolded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For once, our timing was perfect- he was
single and I was just beginning to get over a cougar-iffic love affair with a
Euro-trash artist was fifteen years my junior. I was excited, but also
extremely gun-shy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>James had meant so
much to me for so long, that the first time he came out to visit me, I decided
I wasn’t going to sleep with him. No matter what happened, it would undoubtedly
end badly-if it was awful, it would ruin our friendship; if it was great, I
would be more in love than I already was. Because he lived in a different
state, that would suck. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I held out for exactly seventeen hours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naturally, we slept together and of course it
was amazing. The next morning, I was appearing as the principle dancer in a
video for a hip-hop artist called Truth Hurts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her song “Addictive” had Arabic and Indian
samples in it, and I’d been hired to belly dance in the club scene. Because it
was my birthday, I made the executive decision to bring Pa to the set with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we arrived at the location, we were
shocked to see stars like Snoop Dog, Dr. Dre, Eric B and Rakim, all of who were
making cameo appearances. The set was so thick with reefer smoke it was like a
‘hood version of a Cheech And Chong movie, only it was real. The make up artist
had to come around every five minutes to drop Visine into the guest star’s
bloodshot eyes, it was that bad. After the shoot, we were as inseparable as was
humanly possible, given our long-distance romance. The reason Pa and I were
awake so early that “Chinatown” morning was because we were about to embark on
a road trip back to his place in Santa Fe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pa loaded up his new ride- a dilapidated
1970’s pick-up truck, riddled with rust, its hideous yellow ochre paint
sun-bleached and dotted with liberal amounts of Bondo and primer. The truck’s
deck had a makeshift bed, a rotten piece of foam covered by old moving
blankets, and was crowned with an ugly, rotting brick-red camper shell, awash
with Fiberglass splinters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People were
always giving Pa vehicles that were destined for the junkyard, and he’d drive
them into the ground with screw drivers stuck into the ignition, their engines
literally held together with plastic twist-ties from garbage bags. After making
a picnic of sandwiches and snacks, I threw my computer and a baby blue duffle bag
full of cosmetics, high heels and slutty undies into the backseat, and we took
off heading east on Interstate 10. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
truck hiccupped and creaked along as we laughed constantly, discussing
everything from our childhoods to what had happened to mutual friends from
Phoenix Iron Works. With a dog-eared map spread on my lap, I recited the odd
names of the tiny desert towns we’d pass through. In no hurry at all, we
planned to drive til we couldn’t anymore and stay overnight at some shitty
motel- it didn’t matter where- we’d just carry on with the 1,366-mile journey
at our own pace. We stopped a couple of times for Slurpees and ice cream,
browsing leisurely for souvenirs at truck stops, and wandering around rest
areas in the arid air, inspecting the vintage adobe Visitor Centers, marveling
at massive cacti and eavesdropping on the other motorists gathered around the
wind-worn picnic tables.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The periwinkle desert twilight had long turned
to cool darkness by the time we pulled into Kingman, Arizona, 318 miles east of
Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Pa fueled up the truck, I
admired the Atomic Age motel next to the service station, before noticing that
the total of the gas purchased was $9.11. Though usually pragmatic, I’ve always
been superstitious, and with the September 11<sup>th</sup><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tragedy in the very near past, I took this
number as a bad omen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It crossed my mind
that it might be a prudent idea to spend the night at the motel…but dismissed
the notion without mentioning it to Pa, in case he’d think I was being
neurotic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We drove off into the night, and by the time
we were traveling down Highway 40, on the remnants of what used to be Route 66,
we were both in hysterics regaling each other with crazy teenage stories about
getting wasted on Quaaludes and Boone’s Farm at house parties with absent
parents, making out for hours at accompanied by Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway To
Heaven”. The highway was utterly deserted- we were the only vehicles on the
road. It was also unlit and in the pitch dark, the sky was full of stars so
bright you could see them clearly through the cracked, bug-splattered
windshield. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Presently, down the road in front of us, we
saw a dim radiant glow. This lead to a conversation about UFOs sightings. As we
drew closer to the light, we realized it was coming from a gigantic truck that
was spraying insecticide into the scrubby trees on the side of the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The spewing poisonous mist formed a large
cloud, illuminated by the truck’s headlights as we drove past. I told Pa about
Jayne Mansfield’s grisly and untimely death in Mississippi on Highway 90, when
a tractor trailer swerved to avoid a mosquito spraying truck, when suddenly, we
heard sirens.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
actually noticed the parked cop car on the side of the road earlier, and
assumed it had been accompanying the spraying truck, but the moment the red and
blue lights began flashing, we realized we were getting pulled over. Since we
weren’t speeding, both of us unsure what this was about.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pa stopped the truck up on the shoulder and
pulled out his license, instructing me to grab the registration from the glove
box. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
cop took his time ambling up to our truck. The moment he shined his flashlight
into the cab, he saw my nurse’s hat fall out of the glove compartment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Ma’am,
“ he said, “Are you a nurse?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Staring
at the cap on the floor mat with the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>crooked, lipstick red vinyl cross sloppily glue-gunned to it, I mumbled
in real embarrassment,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Um…no
sir… I’m not a nurse.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
hat, of course, went with my bag full of slutty undies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shit!</i>
I thought, why<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> did I ignore that 911-gas
pump… we should’ve stayed in Kingman!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cop directed his gaze at Pa. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You
know your license plate light is out?” he asked, as though it was a major
felony.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He
made both of us hand over our identification and took his sweet time calling it
in. I watched the minutes ticking by on the dash clock- which miraculously,
still worked- as we listened to the far-away static dispatch radio from the
squad car. Finally, the officer returned, handing us both back our licenses.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said in a monotone, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Sir?
Could you please step out of the truck?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
moment Pa obliged, the cop swiftly bent him over the hood of the truck,
clasping a set of cuffs on him with a loud clatter. I was halfway out of the
truck’s passenger door, already yelling, when the cop barked at me to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“sit tight” and ordered me to “shut up for my
own good”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watched mutely from the cab
as he attached<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>leg irons and a waist-chain
that linked to Pa’s handcuffs. By the time he pulled his cruiser up, throwing
Pa into the back seat and slamming the door, I was out of the truck.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What are you<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> doing</i>?” I demanded, really agitated, “What’s going on?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m taking him in,” the cop said, deadpan.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was beginning to shake uncontrollably; I
didn’t understand what was happening, but I instinctively knew it was bad…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really bad</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Where
are you taking him?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shouted, starting
to lose it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why</i>
are you taking him?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In an almost bored voice, the cop told me I
really didn’t need to know <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why James</i>
was getting brought in, but that they were going to the jail in Prescott,
Arizona, which was about an hour away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
could call the jail in two hours to find out the booking status.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
cop started getting into his car, and abruptly, in spite of my emotional upset,
my self-preservation instinct kicked in and my mind began to race: How<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> the hell could I call the jail when I
didn’t own a cell phone? Even if I had one, it wouldn’t work out here…It would
be completely impossible for me drive this<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>jalopy for hours across the desert!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Without
even realizing what I was doing, I practically jumped onto the cop, blocking
him from the driver’s seat.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You can’t just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">leave</i> me here,” I wailed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“By law, ma’am, I can” he said coldly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Call
me a tow-truck,” I shrieked, “You cannot leave me in the middle of nowhere!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Ma’am,
I don’t need to do that… we are leaving-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now!”
</i>he said adamantly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A
potent adrenalin rush engulfed me so completely that I felt like I was outside
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suddenly I grabbed the cop
roughly by the shoulders, and, in a voice I didn’t even recognize as my own,
got right up into his face all wild-eyed and growled,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Give me your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fucking</i> badge number then, because when they discover me raped and
murdered out here<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, it’s gonna be in my
fucking pocket</i>!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
cop stared in shock as I sprawled across the hood of the police car, gripping
the open door of the drive’s side, preventing him from entering, screaming over
and over like a banshee,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">CALL ME
A TOW TRUCK NOW</i>!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Realizing he couldn’t go anywhere without the
situation escalating even more than it already had, the cop got on the radio
and called a wrecker.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he informed me that it would take around
forty five minutes to arrive, I went ballistic again, yelling like a maniac
that he had to wait for me because there was<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
no way I</i> could be left in the desert alone. My screams echoed into the
empty night like a funhouse soundtrack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rolling his eyes, the officer radioed for another officer to come and
wait with me for the tow-truck. The cop wouldn’t let me near James, not even to
speak to him. I watched him forlornly through the window in the back of the
squad car. The moonlight lit up the tears welling in his eyes; as he mouthed to
me I’m<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> sorry</i>. With that, I burst into
hysterical sobs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After what seemed like ages, the other cop
arrived, oddly enough with his teenage son in tow. He stepped out of his car so
both officers could have a conference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By this time, I was leaning against the back bumper of Pa’s truck, tears
rolling silently and steadily down my cheeks, my whole body heaving and
trembling as I stared directly into the headlights of the second black and
white. The lamps seemed to be dimming and getting brighter rhythmically,
matching my jagged, uneven breathing. At first I thought this was an optical
illusion caused by the tears from my eyes…then the squad car’s motor died.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized, with the deep sense of dread I
always got when this sort of thing happens, that it was My Electrical
Disturbance leaping into action. This might be hard for some people to
comprehend, but My Electrical Disturbance has plagued my entire life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I routinely freeze computers, fry cell
phones, disable cameras and cash registers, go through car batteries at the
rate of, like, six a year, demagnetize credit cards and can’t wear a watch. It
also gets very expensive…all that equipment getting ruined. My Electrical
Disturbance only seems to occur when I’m extremely upset, really stressed out
or very excited. When it starts happening, it scares me; I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>always experience even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more</i> anxiety and want to vomit. For years I tried to keep it a
secret, but it got to the point that everyone around me started noticing.
Thanks to Steven King, my close friends started calling me “Carrie” and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Firestarter”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately, I found out that the strange
affliction I have is called EPK or Electro Psycho-Kinesis. It is a phenomenon
that hasn’t been studied much, because like me, the people who are “gifted”
with it only experience it in times of extreme emotional highs or lows and
generally, these actions cannot be reproduced at will, so it is impossible for
researchers to collect much data on the subject.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The onset of My Electrical Disturbance was
upsetting me even more, but snapped back into reality when I heard both cops
arguing about the dead squad car.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“But
I had it serviced this morning!” the second officer was exclaiming in
frustration, “Look in the log book! I checked everything!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
tow truck, a huge red vintage flatbed, arrived. The driver jumped out, and in
the midst of my breakdown, I noticed that with his shaggy hair, five o’clock
shadow and hulking frame, he looked like a cross between Chuck Norris in the
‘70’s and Sasquatch. After a POW wow with the cops, he hooked our dilapidated
truck to the tow bar as the car with Pa in it took off swiftly, veering off the
road and across the desert in a vortex of dust, headed for Prescott. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Get
in,” the tow truck driver said to me, tilting his head towards the wrecker’s
cab before hollering over his shoulder to the second cop and his son, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’ll
be back for you guys in about an hour!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As
we drove in silence, I tried valiantly not to bawl out loud. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Rough
night, huh?” the driver asked in a voice that was gruff but compassionate.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
couldn’t answer, so he wordlessly handed me some tissues.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Finally,
we pulled into what seemed to be very small town. The driver stopped in front
of squatty cement structure with a large neon sign depicting a panther- “The
World Famous Black Cat Bar”. Jumping out of the truck, he undid a giant padlock
a in the middle of a Cyclone fence and swung open the gate to his tow yard,
declaring, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“We’re
at the end of the line, hon!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Where are we?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Welcome
to Seligman, Arizona, population 456, ” he said, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“There’s
a motel across the street, you can spend the night there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I charge $25.00 a day for vehicle storage up
front…but you can just give it to me in the morning.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
decided that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now</i> wasn’t the time tell
him that I didn’t have a credit card on me and was carrying only $28.00 in
cash.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grabbing my stuff from Pa’s pickup, I crossed
the deserted street and composing myself, checked into the Supai Motel, trying
to ignore the fluorescent buzz of a burned out light- and the suspicious look
the Indian desk clerk was giving me. I got the last room they had for
$16.00…and of<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> course </i>it was Number
13. It was Spartan, with indoor-outdoor carpeting, but at least it was clean.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Momentarily I thought of visiting The World
Famous Black Cat Bar and getting shit-faced with my last twelve dollars. But at
the rate things were going it kind of seemed like a horrible idea. Besides, I
had other stuff to attend to… like using the old-school dial phone in the room
to call the Prescott jail to check on Pa’s booking and getting in touch with my
sister so she could wire me some money. In something akin to the promodal phase
of schizophrenia, I became engulfed in a gigantic shame spiral. I seriously
could not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">believe </i>this chain of
events was happening to me at the age of forty-three… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wasn’t this shit supposed to magically cease and desist some time
during the early twenties?</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And
then there was the last task, one I really wasn’t looking forward to at all;
introducing myself –<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for the very first
time</i>- to Pa’s mother via a frantic collect call at 1:45am. Gritting my
teeth and steeling myself for the worst, I dialed her number.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hello, is this Betty?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My name is Pleasant. You don’t know me, but
I’m your son’s girlfriend. Sorry to wake you up, but I’m stranded somewhere in
the middle of Arizona, and James is in jail…</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pa had already processed through the Yavapai
County Jail in Prescott, but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the only
information I could get besides the fact that they were holding him without
bail and wouldn’t let me speak to him. My sister wasn’t home so I left a
message. The phone call with Pa’s mom went, I suppose, as well as a phone call
of that nature could possibly go… At least she didn’t hang up on me!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By then, it was 2:30 am, too late for The
Black Cat, and I sure as hell couldn’t sleep. All there was left to do was
chain smoke, cry, and maybe try to numb myself by watching TV. The ancient
television, with its rabbit-ear antenna, took a long time to tune in, but when
the picture finally materialized showing the Channel 10 station identification
logo, the announcer’s deep voice boomed:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WE NOW RETURN YOU TO OUR MOVIE “CHINATOWN”, STARRING
JACK NICHOLSON AND FAYE DUNAWAY.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The film flickered onto to the screen at the
very point where the “My sister…. My daughter” scene began. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> #</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Part Two coming soon! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXq-jvR47g3EIPqcdTqfvFUnexjQBbdC_VFaOIkwBGVAl2zH4YXqSVRIZ72VDpL2XtP8S8tngit4IYuDFAC4JWA56ICd1sppNBNddVwfg0sgQ10HLI91jZYK0jRoKKlHBhF8CqFFqDgfox/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXq-jvR47g3EIPqcdTqfvFUnexjQBbdC_VFaOIkwBGVAl2zH4YXqSVRIZ72VDpL2XtP8S8tngit4IYuDFAC4JWA56ICd1sppNBNddVwfg0sgQ10HLI91jZYK0jRoKKlHBhF8CqFFqDgfox/s1600/Small+ShowgirlConfidential.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">This story<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>excerpt is from my memoir <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl
Confidential: My Life Onstage, Backstage And On The Road, </i>published
September 2013 by Punk Hostage Press. </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">To get a signed copy of the book, please
visit </span></b><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">www.pleasantgehman.com</span></b></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></b></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-39154859447908213402015-04-10T17:47:00.002-07:002015-04-10T17:47:49.203-07:00 THE WARPED WORLD OF THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began
writing about rock’n’roll<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and pop
culture<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>when I was a teenager<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
mid-1970’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went out every night<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>wrote<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>constantly for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>any publication that would have me,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from mainstream magazines and papers to underground<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fanzines, including my own. I had no idea my
writing career would span over four decades. I was sort of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>unique in that I never considered<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>myself<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a “critic" - I
just wrote about what I liked, and, breaking the rules of journalism, almost always<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wrote in first person.</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often, I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>knew the people that I was writing about
quite well...sometimes, I was actually sleeping with them. This gave rise to debates among many of my peers and editors, and
they’d accuse me of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lacking objectivity...<i>but that was the whole point</i>.
My stance was that I had no desire to be objective, I only wanted to write
about I what I loved: talented people who were fun and creative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For this<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>reason, my stories and interviews<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>were <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>frequently billed as “an exclusive”;
my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>subjects<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>let their guard down, knowing they<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>could trust me and that the story would<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">n't be boring</span>. This story appeared in </span></b><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the July 1996 issue of Larry
Flint’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">RIP
Magazine... </span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and was definitely one of the most hilarious interviews I'd ever done.</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Enjoy!</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">The
Capitol Records Tower, a longtime Hollywood landmark, looms majestically over
central Hollywood. Inside, the chaos of the surrounding neighborhood- and Hollywood
Boulevard specifically- is completely lost. Gold and platinum records line the
walls. Burgundy leather office furniture nestles among potted palms and ficus
trees, and efficient-looking, conservatively trendy employees chat on the phone
under framed posters of Everclear’s Sparkle and Fade. The Beatles’ "Penny
Lane" is the softly piped-in muzak-of-choice, and larger-than life
black-and-white portraits of Capitol greats like Frank Sinatra and Nat
"King" Cole gaze down from their expensively-matted, richly-polished
frames.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">It seems like an unlikely
place to interview the Butthole Surfers, but then, it seemed like a <i>hugely</i>
unlikely merger when the Surfers signed with Capitol back in 1991. The union
took, however, and the resulting <i>Independent Worm Saloon</i> (produced by Led
Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones) was every bit as feedback-laden, scary, hideously
twisted and loud as all the indie Butthole releases prior to it. For the
longtime monarchs of the DIY <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>underground
scene, signing to Capitol didn’t mean losing an iota of "credibility,"
though it might have for a less well-established band.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">The Butthole Surfers have
been together since 1977 when front man(iac) Gibby Haynes and
guitarist/producer Paul Leary met in college in San Antonio, Texas. After
wreaking havoc for a few years and deciding that they really didn’t want to be
stockbrokers or accountants (no kidding- the two met in business school!) they
formed a band in 1981. They played under various monikers including the Ashtray
Baby Heads, Vodka Family Winstons and Nine Foot Worm Makes Own Food. Pretty
soon, they were booked under the name the Bleeding Skulls, but were announced
incorrectly as the Butthole Surfers. It stuck, and what started as a lark soon
turned into a full-time career.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">That career – full of
onstage mayhem, out-of-control tours, busted engines, acid-drenched after-show
parties and non-stop gigs, as well as twelve <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>releases – has now lasted fifteen <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>years, during which time the band has become a
living legend. Known for their unhinged antics and Dada-esque musical hybrid
(everything from heavy metal to folksy parodies, with tons of feedback, weird
vocal effects, etc.), the Butthole Surfers have either terrified or influenced
nearly every band you could think of and have gone from doing shitty van tours
where they slept on the floor of strangers’ houses to Lollapalooza and becoming,
at least in alternative music circle<i>s</i>, a <i>household name</i>. Think
"Butthole Surfers" and you can’t help but think of craziness. That’s
why the quietly corporate Capitol offices seem like an incongruous place to
conducting this interview. But Leary and Haynes, along with stalwart drummer
King Coffey, are in town to promote their latest CD<i>, Electriclarryland</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Passing a framed copy of
Jackie Gleason’s <i>Lonesome Echo</i> record (complete with cover art by
Salvador Dali) and a huge display of Bozo The Clown’s <i>Nursery Rhymes and
Jungle Jingle</i>s, featuring "My Mule Charley" and Little Toot The
Tugboat’s "Lost In The Fog," the concept of the Butthole Surfers
being signed to Capitol doesn’t seem that far-fetched after all! A publicity
assistant leads me down a hallway and gestures towards an unmarked door,
dismissing me with a cheerful, "The band’s in there."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the door swings open, I’m simultaneously
choked by cigar-smoke and deafened by the top-volume strains of the Steve
Miller Band doing "The Joker." Haynes is playing deejay, and looking
every inch the part, with weary bloodshot eyes and a long-sleeve, black Monster
Magnet T-shirt; while Leary sedately puffs away on a huge stogie. Coffey is
nestled into a deep wing chair, guzzling Snapple lemonade. They all look kind
of tired or maybe road-worn, and I wonder aloud if they’ve had a hard day of
interviews, it being rather late in the day. They assure me that this is their
first, and that they spent the day hanging out with "Erik Estrada,"
whom they met through "EltonJonBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrowne."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes a moment, but then I realize that
they’ve probably been smoking something other than cigars – and why shouldn’t
they be? They have an image to uphold!</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Or live down
to," Leary nods.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"We have an image to
die for!" Haynes corrects him.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">After a few hot topics are
discussed – the Ebola virus, Tex-Mex star Selena, alligators, cocaine booger
jokes, <i>Hogan’s Heroes</i> star Bob Crane, rumors that Tanya Tucker was
spotted helping Ministry unload equipment at some hotel while their tour buses
were parked together, and imitations of Sting singing the Police’s hit<i>
Roxanne</i> – the Buttholes begin to discuss their illustrious career.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"You know, over the
past 15 years, things have changed so much," says Leary,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Every day things are
getting better. It's hard for us to associate us now with us back then. Some
people thought it was strange when we signed to Capitol, but when I signed the
dotted line, it didn't make my shit smell any better, know what I mean?"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"I think it's a matter
of all the record execs starting to be our age. Nine or ten years into the
band, the people who were coming to our shows started to turn up in the upper
levels of the record companies. That was when Jane's Addiction and the Chili
Peppers started to hit, then it was only a matter of time," Haynes
theorizes.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Poor Hüsker Du!"
laments Coffey, "They were too early!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"What I'm
wondering," Leary begins, "Is when do we get another Devo? I guess
things haven't stiffened up enough yet…"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He takes a reflective puff of his cigar and
then adds, "Pearl Jam seems to be working on it, though!" Everyone
laughs, and Haynes says, "I'll tell you what's weird - we're now playing
for our first wave of fans' kids!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"I think that the
Butthole Surfers have always had the same kind of appeal that the Dead Kennedys
did," King muses, "People just have to hear our name - even if they
haven't heard of us - and they want to go to a 'wild' rock 'n' roll show, like
a big punk-rock gig, so they come and see us. So actually, nothing's changed at
all! We're still playing to 13-year olds!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Naw," Haynes
cuts in, "That'd be Green Day, King!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">As the band argues
animatedly over whether or not Billie "Jack Shaver" (Billie Joe Armstrong"
is scary (and even to have Haynes debating that about you is an honor in
itself), the conversation turns to sage advice the Butthole crew would give to
the members of Green Day.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Never, ever EVER look
at the audience," Haynes recommends helpfully, "It will freak you
right out!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"What goes through my
mind on stage is sheer terror," Coffey says with a feeble grin, "Just
play the drums and get the fuck out! But then, the next day, it starts all over
again - day after day…"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Leary shakes his head in
horror. "Year after year," he says sadly.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"And then," Gibby
says somberly. "The day will come when some girl you don’t even know – her
parents will want to come into your dressing room and hang out!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">He shudders in dread and
disgust.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Though it’s hard to pull
actual touring-hell anecdotes from their mouths, please be advised that the
Surfers have actually seen… wait, let’s put it this way<i>: in their entire
lives, some people don’t see the complete insanity that this band has seen</i>
– and generates – both onstage and off – in merely a couple of weeks’ time. I
can remember being at Butthole gigs in New York and Los Angeles over the years
where strobes were flashing, naked girls covered in finger paint with tinfoil
over their teen writhed onstage, and ninety percent of the patrons in the club
were flying on various combinations of hallucinogens and alcohol. Maybe it’s
just that there aren’t enough brain cells left for the band members to recall
any particularly frightening episodes, although Coffey does have one fond
memory:</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"One time, there were
these Christian protesters at our show in Kansas City," he recalls,
"And they were all carrying signs and stuff. I went outside and spoke to
them. They didn’t like what we stood for; they didn’t like our name; they though
we were contributing to declining morals of our society. These people had no
idea who I was, but I had to agree with them! So I stood out there and
protested along with them for a while, then went in and played."</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"I bet that was fun,
harassing those chubby little college girls," Haynes says.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Speaking of harassment, the
name of the new CD had to be changed. You know it only as <i>Electriclarryland</i>,
but it was originally going to be called <i>Oklahoma!,</i> same as the famous
musical comedy which starred Shirley Jones in her pre-Partridge Family days.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Some meek soul here
at the record company who was afraid and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>made us change the name," Leary laments, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"I would’ve loved to
have been sued by Rogers and Hammerstein!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Although they began
speaking freely about Diet Coke commercials, how everyone used to think Red
Skelton’s name was "Red Skeleton," professional figure skaters in
general and Brian Boitano in particular, they were a little reluctant to
discuss the new CD, so I will. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">A quintessential Buttholes
masterpiece, it features the requisite screeching feedback and howling from the
opening track of "Birds" right on through to the ending of
"Space." There are some killer moments on this disc, which was
recorded last fall with Steve Thompson (Soundgarden, Metallica, Anthrax, etc.)
at Bearsville Studios in Woodstock, New York. The band also recorded and mixed
a few songs, with Leary producing, at Arlyn Studio in Austin, Texas. Though the
Surfers don’t have a bassist right now, Andrew Weiss of Ween filled in on the CD.
The disc runs the gamut of styling, from the Cramps-like <i>Cough Syrup</i>, to
the roar of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Ah Ha</i>. A personal
favorite of mine is the tender ballad, <i>Jingle Of A Dog’s Collar</i>, which
features Haynes getting sappy – like one of those sickening solo records recorded
by William "Captain Kirk" Shatner in the ‘70s – going, "What do
they know about love, my friend?" over and over.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">As far as touring goes,
they are planning on going out, but don’t have a bassist yet. "We’ll
probably just pick up different players in different towns along the way, teach
him the songs, push him out onstage and then fire him," Haynes says, ever
practical.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Remember when my
little nephew Johnnie played with us?" asks Leary, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"He was like, 12 or 13,
and he played with us at one of the Lollapalooza shows. He was all excited
because he met Ice-T, and they posed for pictures with a couple of Ice-T’s hot
bitches, and Ice-T put Johnnie’s hand on one of the girls’ butts!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Lollapalooza,"
sighs Coffey. "Now that was a <i>cakewalk</i>! We’d do our song and dance
for 30 minutes, then they’d pull us offstage and we’d have the rest of the day
to fuck off off and inebriate ourselves!"</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Yep, we had a little
too much freedom!" laughs Leary, although that amount of free time doesn’t
seem to be much of a problem, there’s always something to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We adjourn to the roof of the Capitol Tower,
so the guys can fire up substances other than cigars, and talk about side
projects. Leary, ever the studio whiz, produced the Meat Puppets’ <i>No Joke</i>
and the Supersucker’s<i> Sacrilicious</i> while the Buttholes were on a break,
and, of course Haynes fronts the infamous P, which features Johnny Depp on
guitar, and unfortunately was the act performing at the Viper Room the night
River Phoenix died. Haynes was in fine form, with magic marker scrawls all over
his bare torso, screaming about bourbon. Though P has no current tour plans,
Haynes says, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"We’ll probably record
again."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Coffey meanwhile claims that his side project
is selling Tupperware.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"It’s so great," he enthuses,
shaking his head in wonder, "It’s really good stuff. Y’know, I was
thinking of selling Mary Kay Cosmetics, but they have a $100 start-up fee for
their introductory kit… and Tupperware just fronts it to you!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"What I really want to
do," says Haynes, as we head back inside to the cigar smoke-filled room,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> "Is produce an album of whistling songs – all the greatest hits, like <i>Bridge On The River Kwai</i>, the themes from <i>Mayberry RFD</i> and<i> Hogan’s Heroes</i>…
You could even do whistling versions of<i> The Godfather</i> and <i>Lassie</i>! But I’d have
to get a short little Jewish or Italian girl playing really bad acoustic
guitar…and she’d have to wear a little tam on her head, too, because that’d be
kinda folky, but also kind of bohemian…"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">His eyes get a faraway
gleam, but his thoughts are interrupted by babble on everything from Emilio
Estevez to Indian tribes, gymnast Mary Lou Retton (Haynes thinks she reminds
him of a Contac cold pill) to Chinese anthropologists, and a story about the
time one of the members of the Austin band The Hickoids thought a girl’s stereo
was a urinal and peed on it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"So," Haynes
says, longingly fingering the Steve Miller CD, "Do you think this is gonna
be a good story?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Of<i> course</i>," I
reply.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Good," he says
approvingly. "If you need any more material, just say whatever you want,
okay? In fact, just go ahead and lie about everything!" </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">##</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> <br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story
you’ve just read is an excerpt from my forthcoming book<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journalista!</i>,
scheduled for publication<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in late
2015<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by Punk Hostage Press. For more
info on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my writing-and everything else I
do- please visit:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/index.html">http://www.pleasantgehman.com/index.html</a>
</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-71137602002159784862015-03-31T13:17:00.001-07:002015-03-31T13:17:28.407-07:00 HARVEY REDUX<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwhqqg3vmxdeNLirIIk3Ohkamu4XWKeZFSDEFdCQJMcBmLQmOjGcSCxJanGmyYBJbk68LSwXUaRnaWPfQSH_cQ1ttSD3r0yd12hNks39yJO7msPKhGKhpeyBzY9p3yCyU3Cgl8mxHr-c7/s1600/BUNNY+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwhqqg3vmxdeNLirIIk3Ohkamu4XWKeZFSDEFdCQJMcBmLQmOjGcSCxJanGmyYBJbk68LSwXUaRnaWPfQSH_cQ1ttSD3r0yd12hNks39yJO7msPKhGKhpeyBzY9p3yCyU3Cgl8mxHr-c7/s1600/BUNNY+2013.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Are you The Easter Bunny?</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">The question was
screamed at me top volume from about thirty feet away as I sat at an outdoor
café on LA’s trendy Vermont Avenue, sipping a latte. The person inquiring was
of indeterminate sex and laboriously pushing a creaking, rusty, overloaded
shopping cart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The enquirer also had
dead leaves scattered through it’s hair and also suffered a cleft palate or
some similar speech impediment, so it took me a few pointed hollers to realize
that the query was, in fact, if I was The Easter Bunny. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Phonetically, the
question sounded like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“AAAH NYEW NEE EADOR BAAAAHNNEE?”</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">In my “Flashdance”
style cut-off sweatshirt and fresh-from-dance-class sweats, hair piled on top
of my head in a sloppy bun and men’s aviator shades, I really didn’t look
anything like The Easter Bunny,<i> </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">or</span>
the other patrons of the café… who were beginning to stare at me, wondering
what my answer was going to be. It was perfectly clear to everyone within
earshot that this question was being hollered directly to <i>me.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I’m not sure exactly
what it is about me that invites attention from the mentally unstable, but
whatever it is, I’ve got it in spades. Luridly made-up bag ladies routinely
cross busy streets just to strike up a conversation with me; blackout drunks at
Mardi Gras stagger blindly through police lines to gift me with beads, and I’ve
been the subject of plenty of unsolicited amorous attention from colorful
individuals whom law enforcement officers would probably classify as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Criminally Insane. In the two most
memorable cases, this, for some reason, has something to do with Easter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">The question was
screamed at me again, this time with an urgent note of utter desperation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Are you The Easter Bunny?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Having now attracted
the attention of passers-by as well as all of the other café patrons, I figured
I might as well answer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Um, no… I’m sorry,
I’m not The Easter Bunny,”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said sheepishly, regretting having
inadvertently disturbed everyone’s tranquil spring afternoon. Somehow, this
didn’t daunt my inquisitor. The person continued,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“But do you have an
Easter Bunny costume?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">It was now clearly
too late <i>not</i> to engage in this bizarre exchange, since the whole block
now seemed to be waiting breathlessly for me answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandstanding for a moment, I yelled back,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Well, as a matter of
fact, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i>!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“With bunny ears?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Uh, yes, of course
with ears.”, I replied, wondering just what the hell this was leading up to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Because of my
affirmative answer, the person broke into a manic, jubilant grin revealing many
missing teeth and yelled,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“YOU MEET HE HERE ON
EASTER MORNING- AND BRING A BASKET WITH CHOCLATE EGGS!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Okay,” I managed
weakly, hoping that it wouldn’t shatter the dream when I didn’t show up as
promised.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Not too long after
that, I was walking along Hollywood Boulevard minding my own business, when
something similar occurred.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Hey Pretty Lady,
Pretty Lady! Hey can I ask you a question, Pretty Lady?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, there I was out in public, looking
like- for lack of a better description- ten pounds of shit in a five-pound
sack. I blithely ignored the smooth <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">playah</i>
cadence of this pick-up artist’s voice and kept walking quickly hoping to ditch
him, but to no avail. Pretty soon, the dude got into step right beside me. Even
though my eyes were focused straight ahead, I could tell he was tall and
slowing his pace to match mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Hey Pretty Lady! Are
you single, do you have a boyfriend? Are you married? You sooo pretty, Pretty
Lady!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">This went on for at
least a block. <i>Persistent motherfucker</i>, I thought to myself. <i>Hopefully
he’ll see some slutty tourist with a fake tan and a tube top and forget about
me</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Out of the corner of
my eye, I caught glimpse of his leg as he strode alongside me. He was wearing
tuxedo trousers with a satin stripe down the sides and black jazz oxfords…but
they were totally filthy, caked with mud.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Hey Pretty Lady!
Wanna have some coffee with me, Pretty Lady?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">He wasn’t relenting
so, as with the previous situation, I figured I should just stop and confront
him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Pretty Lady! Let’s
have some coffee and talk about <i>our future</i>, Pretty Lady!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I halted dead in my
tracks and before turning to look at him I yelled,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“I’m married!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Oh, Pretty <i>Laaaaady</i>,”
he sighed dejectedly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">He was indeed tall.
Like, Los Angeles Lakers tall. He was a striking African American man wearing a
tuxedo…but the suit was so completely rumpled and covered with caked-on mud, it
looked like he’d been run over by a tractor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">He also had on a pair
of brand new white plush bunny ears with pink satin lining,<i> and he was
sporting a child’s white plastic “Phantom of The Opera” mask!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">For an insane moment,
I briefly considered taking a cell-phone picture with him and maybe even going
out to coffee to see what, exactly, his get-up was all about, but then I got a
hold of myself, mainly because he smelled so horrible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Before skipping away
from him as quickly as possible, I yelled as loudly as I could manage,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Are you The Easter Bunny?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">##<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story you’ve just read is from my memoir
Showgirl Confidential: My Life Onstage, Backstage And One The Road. To get an
autographed copy of this book, please visit:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://www.pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-3982107431398700902015-03-18T12:27:00.002-07:002015-03-18T12:27:17.519-07:00NIRVANA: A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE 1992<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9cIdA2MJVrGPSIezGJsjOEIWMc_loaQD_6HzohxcxswJVIDh8rEg_5Sh91W5do3TTn4X89mW7HhdxXViTB4ELHuUauLFXVWrgngvQNWyxeKZ8TurI1381rIIJA6LQ8Av9O5_EhhxZBvlu/s1600/Favim.com-dave-grohl-krist-novoselic-kurt-cobain-nirvana-pat-smear-407366.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9cIdA2MJVrGPSIezGJsjOEIWMc_loaQD_6HzohxcxswJVIDh8rEg_5Sh91W5do3TTn4X89mW7HhdxXViTB4ELHuUauLFXVWrgngvQNWyxeKZ8TurI1381rIIJA6LQ8Av9O5_EhhxZBvlu/s1600/Favim.com-dave-grohl-krist-novoselic-kurt-cobain-nirvana-pat-smear-407366.jpg" height="319" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nirvana, about the time my article was published in <i>Spin</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've been going through my archives, getting ready to compile a book on my writing from 1977 to 1977. The book is called <i>Journalista!</i> and will be published by Punk Hostage Press in late 2015. Below is an article of mine on Nirvana, who were named "Artist Of The Year" by Spin Magazine in December 1992. There's some back story and a few fun facts that were left out of this article ( obviously) when it went to publication.<br />
<br />
The first is that Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love were experiencing a lot of negative feedback due to an inflammatory article that ran in <i>Vanity Fair </i>in September of 1992. I knew Courtney from her pre-Hole days, and knew Kurt from the rock 'n'roll circles we ran in, where , back in those days, everybody knew-or at least knew of, each other from mutual friends. When Nirvana was going to be named as Artist Of The Year, Kurt and Courtney specifically asked <i> Spin</i> for me to be the interviewer and author of the article that was going to be published. The second is that even though I was an invited guest, at first, Nirvana regarded me suspiciously...because, I was, after all, <i>A Journalist. </i> They were all pretty suspiscious and mono-syllabic until new ( at that point) Nirvana member Pat Smear, mentioned out loud that in his pre-Germs days, I'd been his first serious girlfriend. Suddenly, the ice was broken, and everyone got comfortable and opened up.<br />
<br />
Here's my article, the way it was published by <i>Spin</i> in 1992<br />
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Spin,
December 1992 <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <i>"Lost amid a flood of rumors and the glare of the public
spotlight lies the very real fact that in 1992 Nirvana changed the course of
popular music."</i> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"> PLEASANT GEHMAN journeys to Seattle and finds the trio bloodied by
unbowed. <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ARTIST<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OF THE YEAR 1992: NIRVANA<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I'm on my way up to Seattle, which is currently to the rock
'n' roll world what Bethlehem was to Christianity, and the only thing the
passengers on the plane seem to be talking about is the movie Singles. I'm
grateful to be sitting next to a serene-looking woman in a coral sweater and
Bermuda shorts, a string of cultured pearls around her neck, her upturned nose
buried in a paperback. An hour and a half into the flight, the turbulence
starts. It's bad. She's white-knuckling it. In an attempt to take her mind off
the frantic bouncing around, I engage her in small talk. She's a 24-year-old
mother of three, going to Seattle to visit her father, whom she hasn't seen in
five years. A devout Catholic, she's worried that if the plane crashes, her
kids won't be raised Catholic. She, in turn, asks me questions. I'm going to
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> She asks about rock writing politely,
almost disinterestedly. Finally, she asks which band. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"They're called Nirvana,"
I say. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Oh my <i>gawwwwd!</i>" she
screams in a 15-year-old's ecstatic falsetto.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"> "No way! How awesome!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"> She looks at me hard for a second, and then in a conspiratorial tone, whispers, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do they know you're coming?" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">From out of nowhere, 25-year-old
singer-songwriter-guitarist Kurt Cobain, 27-year-old bassist Chris Novoselic,
and 23-year-old drummer Dave Grohl breezed in to 1992 and turned the music
world upside down and inside out, transforming "alternative" music
into a bona fide big-bug category, and Seattle into a modern-day music mecca.
Nirvana made grinding, slush-toned guitars, hoarse-voiced wailing, and
alienated lyrics into something that anyone could hum or relate to: It's hard
enough for metal heads, and sensitive enough for popsters. The lyrics and voice
may belong solely to Cobain, but the sentiments are universally felt; sadness,
frustration, alienation, and confusion. What dysfunctionally raised, co-dependent,
recovering whatever, growing up while there's a hole in the ozone layer,
couldn't get into it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">In 1987, Nirvana was formed by
Novoselic and Cobain, who lived his own private version of Twin Peaks with his
cocktail waitress mother in an Aberdeen, Washington, trailer park. They played
with a series of drummers, gigged locally, wrote songs, and without much hoopla
eventually made their first album, Bleach, in 1988, recorded in three days for
$600. The band toured and became fairly hip in some circles (mainly college
radio and among members of other bands). In 1990, they added Grohl, formerly of
the D.C. punk band Scream. Eventually Nirvana signed a deal with DGC, recorded
Nevermind, toured Europe with Sonic Youth, and then, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kaboom</i>, the Nirvana bomb exploded. "Smells Like Teen
Spirit" became a huge hit: MTV wouldn't leave the video alone, and you
could turn on practically any radio station in the U.S. and hear Nirvana. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Teen Spirit" is the sort
of megahit that will earmark 1992 in kids' lives. Ten Years down the line,
they'll hear that song and their adolescence will come back to them in a neat
little parcel. It's the sort of megahit that spawns parodies ("We were the
foundation of 'Weird Al' Yankovic's comeback," says Cobain, with a dubious
look on his face). It's the sort of hit that catapulted Nirvana so deep into
the limelight so quickly, that their heads are still spinning, with nary the
chance to turn into jaded, decadent rock stars. While most success stories are
struggling to retain credibility, Nirvana hasn't even had a chance to lose it
yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"I get recognized every day,
every day," says Novoselic, shaking his head. "I just kind of get
used to it." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"I'll never get used to
it," mumbles Cobain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">Western Washington University:
Nirvana has made the two-hour trek north from Seattle to Bellingham to do a
secret opening spot for its pals Mudhoney, which is playing in the sizable
gymnasium. The crowd goes insane when Nirvana saunters onstage and plugs in.
The band barrages the audience with a string of old songs-some off its
first-ever demo tape, a few of which will soon be released on a DGC album called
Incesticide that will also feature live BBC recordings. Though the audience has
never heard the songs before, the entire stage-front is a whirlpool mosh pit,
and the stage is covered with four or five single shoes, T-shirts, baseball
caps, even a dead pigeon. Courtney Love, Cobain's wife and lead singer for
Hole, is standing on the side of the stage, well out of danger. She stands out
as a black-velvet and perodide-haired beacon, her eyes focused intently on her
husband. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Most of these songs are so
old," she says with a giggle, "that Kurt can't even remember with
words! He's just standing there going, 'blah blah blah.'"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"> No one in the
crowd seems to notice. The set ends when Mudhoney bassist Matt Lukin brings two
kids, no more than eight years old, onto the stage. Novoselic relinquishes his
bass to one of them, who looks simultaneously delighted and completely
terrified. He bangs away at it, his left arm raised in a metal salute. As
Cobain and Lukin put Cobain's guitar around the other kid's shoulders and cameras
click away, the crowd begins chanting, "Smash it! Smash it!" so after
a moment's hesitation, the kid with the bass gleefully complies. It's a moment
he'll never forget, but probably won't realize the significance of until years
later. Eight years old, and he's done something millions of fans and aspiring
musicians would kill to do-jam with Nirvana in front of thousands of people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">Later on backstage, everyone's
enjoying a good laugh over the tots' brush with fame. Grohl is shoving slices
of deli-tray meat into football players' lockers, while Novoselic politely
chats with two fans, explaining why he doesn't want to give autographs. It's
about as far from a star-studded, trendy backstage scene as you can get, and
that's part of the beauty of Nirvana. It made it the old-fashioned way-with
virtually no record-company hype, through word-of-mouth street talk, on its
own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"I've never seen anything like
it," says Mark Kates, Geffen's director of alternative music. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"It was
an amazing thing, unbelievable to be part of. No one even anticipated what
happened." He thinks a moment, and then rephrases: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Anyone who
thought that a thing like this could even happen was full of shit." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's great," enthuses
L7's Jennifer Finch. "It's about time we can walk into a 7-Eleven and hear
something cool. It's about time we don't have to listen to crap on the radio
anymore. And we're happy for their success because now Nirvana has made it
possible for bands like us to have constant bags under our eyes from all the
hectic touring. We love them for that." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"I went home, went to bed, and
suddenly they were No. 1," says Rodney Bingenheimer, a DJ at KROQ in Los
Angeles and an early Nirvana supporter. "Now, all the bands that were
hairdo metal bands have Maynard G. Krebs goatees, flat hair, and flannel
shirts, all because of Nirvana." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">As with all situations of an
underground band or artist coming up with an across-the-board crowd-pleaser, a
backlash seems inevitable. Hip kids are already dissing the entire grunge
scene, snickering about sellouts. Record companies are in a feeding frenzy for
the next Nirvana. The pressure is on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Everything happened so
quickly," says Grohl. "I don't think anyone knows what's gonna happen
next." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Everytime somebody says the
word 'Seattle,' you have to say 'Nirvana.' People are sick of us," sighs
Novoselic. "More people probably hate us in Seattle than anywhere else in
the country." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">Through Novoselic still tools around
Seattle in his battered Volkswagen van, and the band still practices in a
weathered, unfinished warehouse space where, until recently, squatters were
hydroponically growing marijuana in the basement, Nirvana can feel its own fame
breathing down its neck. Though Grohl still dresses like an outdoorsy
ragamuffin-hunting caps and saggy-assed long johns-he admits to giving Madonna
prank calls from Europe. Now, that's budding rock star decadence at its finest.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's not that great being on
MTV 20 times a day," Cobain says, not in a bratty way, but earnestly,
"It's great for record sales, but I wish there was some kind of contract
you could draw up where there was only a certain amount of time they could play
you in a week." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"And when people write about
you, everything gets screwed up," Novoselic says. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't believe anything
that's written about anyone anymore," Grohl adds. "You just have to
read it and form your own perspective." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's amazing the shit people
can get away with," Cobain says. "I don't understand. If I had known
about all this crap, I would've thought twice about putting myself in the
public eye so much. I had no idea people could abuse you so much. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't even care about the
band as much as I used to. I know that sounds shitty, but the band used to be
the only thing that was important to me in my life, and now, I have a wife and
a child. I still love the band, but it isn't the only thing I'm living
for." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">But the fact remains that for
millions of people, Nirvana's music is something that makes a difference, something
that takes them higher. Realizing their position, do the guys still manage to
have fun? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes!" the trio
emphatically exclaims, without even a second thought. <br />
<br /> **<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b>If you'd like to find out more about my writing, books of mine that have been published and my rock'n'roll history, please visit my website: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><b>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">http://www.pleasantgehman.com</a> </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-30123830351977238412015-02-26T15:44:00.000-08:002015-03-01T00:39:28.690-08:00CAIRO AFTER HOURS<style>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB3WDUrLe-lmLMnJvKy5fwdkWOk23SFvbAfoeo9oCgWIkT-Ecf1tbGU9OQYfQdvLbk7nWK4ZZUWG356DBoHmLRzUL8mNAJT5KXgs4l0nmc1s2l2CtiA9_VsA4P7jlkKNBdCe4ZXTWvdpUg/s1600/pyramidaleyaprinc.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB3WDUrLe-lmLMnJvKy5fwdkWOk23SFvbAfoeo9oCgWIkT-Ecf1tbGU9OQYfQdvLbk7nWK4ZZUWG356DBoHmLRzUL8mNAJT5KXgs4l0nmc1s2l2CtiA9_VsA4P7jlkKNBdCe4ZXTWvdpUg/s1600/pyramidaleyaprinc.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> On the balcony of the Mena House Oberoi Hotel Cairo, 2009 Photo: Aleya</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> This story was written just after returning from one of my many pre-Revolution trips to Egypt. I was in Cairo after the Arab Spring, and there was a feeling of elation in the air, but since then, many things in the country have changed politically, socially and as far as tourism goes. It was a different world, a different Egypt, and the subculture I experienced and describe in this story may not exist any more... or at least the way it used to. This was originally published in <i>Zaghareet</i> Magazine in 2009.</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll sleep when I get home!”</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For
years, that’s been my motto when I’m on the road. But nowhere does it apply
more than when I’m in Cairo, where people stay up all night long and the belly dance shows in the Five-Star
hotels don’t get<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>rockin’ until well
after midnight. I always <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>come home extremely-
and quite happily- sleep deprived, but my most<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>recent trip gave me an insider’s view into the surreal world of Cairo’s
seedy late-night cabarets…. The<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>equivalent of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>one of my favorite
American institutions, Dive Bars. Oh, I’d been to Cairo’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>less-glamorous, off-the-beaten path
nightclubs like Cave De Roi and The Sunset before, but the places I experienced
this time made those venues look positively <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tame</i>!
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My immersion into this underworld started
innocently enough… it began with a movie trailer, of all things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my oldest Cairo pals is Russian <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>belly dancer Katia, who began her career in
Egypt over twenty years ago, as a protégé of world-renowned choreographer Raqia
Hassan, and is now a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>star in her own
right. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Catching
up with Katia, she showed me the trailer for a new Egyptian film in which she
was featured called “Cabaret”. No, it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not
</i>a remake of the 1972 Bob Fosse film starring Liza Minelli.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Directed by Sameh Abdel-Aziz and featuring a
number of Egyptian stars, “Cabaret” is a high-budget action drama with a huge
cast, centering on-you guessed it- a sleazy Egyptian cabaret club. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
trailer featured hooded thugs with automatic weapons, implied prostitution,
kidnapping, drug use and showed risque love scenes…along with-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">of course</i>- plenty of singing and
dancing. I’m no authority on modern Arabic cinema, but “Cabaret” looked so dark
and transgressive that I was quite intrigued!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The trailer ran constantly on Egyptian TV stations, but unfortunately,
the film opened the day after I left, so I never go to see it. What I<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> did </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>do was start bugging Katia non-stop<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to take me to a cabaret<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like the one in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the movie so I could see what it was
really<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like. Call me crazy, but I’m a
gal who really appreciates a good dive bar- even in Cairo!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first, Katia demurred, because in Egypt, a
dancer of her status being seen in a “low class” place could cause tongues to
wag in an unfavorable way. But she finally relented, and took me to one of the “best of the worst” as it were, to Amoun,
in the Mohandeseen district. Katia chose Amoun because, in her words<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s
no so bad</i>”, and because an acquaintance of hers, Egyptian dancer Dahlia,
was performing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We walked in at 3:15 am, and the vast, dark,
low-ceilinged club was only about a quarter full. A few Saudis in white robes
and traditional <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shumaq</i> headdresses
sat against the walls behind tables groaning with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mezza</i>, smoking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sheesha </i>pipes.
The thirty or so musicians and singer onstage out-numbered the audience, and
then<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>some Western-garbed
twenty-somethings jumped onstage and for some dirty dancing that raised even my
jaded eyebrows. Katia gestured towards them and screamed over the music,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Thees
nothing! Thees place do not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i>
get going until around 6:00 am!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dahlia breezed in with her band, stopping by
our table to say hello, and seemed slightly surprised to see Katia. As the
bands changed (every dancer or singer brought their own orchestra, and most had
over twenty five members) a trio of waiters began fluttering about our table.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never experienced anything like the
service at Amoun-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever</i>-it was beyond
attentive to the point of being almost ridiculous! Because the music was so
loud, we began rolling up paper napkins to use as makeshift earplugs. As soon
as we did that, a waiter proffered a box of Kleenex and began folding the
sheets into little triangles, dealing them onto the table like a deck of cards,
precisely fanning them out at each place-setting. With a flourish, he
conveniently positioned the box against our wine-bucket, in case we needed to
use it again. Katia’s cigarettes were on the table, and at one point, a waiter
took one out of the package, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">placed it in
my mouth</i>, and lit it for me!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Dahlia’s
orchestra in place, she began her show. It was a good show, but unremarkable
except for the fact that she danced through the audience flirting at the tables
in the back, getting showered with cash, something that would never happen at a
Five Star club. Her orchestra was incredible. And the music only got <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">better</i> with the next band change. To my
amazement, the vocalist who appeared was my favorite
singer, Mahmoud El Leity! The place was filling up now and his set was as
sublime as it was raucous, the stage packed full of sweaty people <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">getting down</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As El Leity strode into the audience like a
younger, swarthier Tom Jones, he grabbed my hand and yelled something to me in
Arabic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“He wants you dance onstage for the next
song!” Katia translated at the top of her lungs, “ He will do Om Kalthoum.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the strains of “Weh Deret Al Ayam” filled
the smoky club and the audience waved their napkins in ecstasy, I checked with
Katia to make sure I wouldn’t embarrass her if I got up and danced.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Go!” she hollered, “Have fun!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I returned to my seat, a Saudi guy
dancing in the aisles slipped fragrant strings of fresh jasmine around my neck.
Sweaty and with my hair full of loose flower petals, I headed to the Ladies
Room to freshen up. The scene there was even more mind-boggling than what was
going on outside. The air was actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">humid
</i>with hair spray and perfume. Young women crowded around the mirror applying
gobs of lip-gloss and heavy eyeliner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The door opened and shut constantly with a steady influx of girls.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Come, lady, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">English Toilet </i>!” the attendant declared, her arm snaking around my
shoulders, ushering me in.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She swung open a bathroom stall and made a
huge display of liberally spraying the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">entire</i>
stall and commode with enough aerosol disinfectant to cause a Hazardous
Chemical Disaster. She quickly wiped off the seat, laid sheets of Kleenex down
upon it, handed me the box and made a sweeping presentational gesture as though
she’s just created a masterpiece. As I washed my hands, I was astounded to see
fully veiled women coming in, peeling off their dark robes and headscarves, and
depositing them nonchalantly into a wicker basket. What was underneath their
wraps was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a pastiche of lurid make-up,
glittery costume jewelry, and pierced noses, tube tops, mini skirts and
insanely high heels. After a quick mirror check, these chicks made a beeline
into the club, and I spotted many of them later, dancing on stage or on top of
chairs!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On previous trips to Egypt, I’d been alone in
a room full of females, and seen veiled women disrobe when they’d discerned
there were no men around…but this was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">definitely</i>
something else.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Katia explained that these nightclub habitués
normally didn’t veil, but used the garments as a<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> disguise </i>so that when they were leaving the cabaret in the glaring
sunlight, they wouldn’t be hassled on the street.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">We
left well after sunrise, and just as predicted, the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>very long<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>line to get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">into</i> Amoun was as
crowded and chaotic as the admission line outside of any American rock club or
concert- except, that is, for the predominance of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the “conservatively” veiled patrons!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">#</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>doing a spoken word appearance- and reading Tarot cards pre-show on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sunday, March 8, 2015 at the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Library Girl Reading Series<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>at The Ruskin Theater 3000 Airport Avenue,
Santa Monica, CA 90405 .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joining me
will be<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>authors Lauran Hoffman, Kristin
Dwan, and Susan Hayden 7:00pm-10:00pm<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>for more info on this show, please visit </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">or<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>join the Facebook Event:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1044938058856663">https://www.facebook.com/events/1044938058856663</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Visit my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>websites: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="http://pleasantgehman.com/">http://pleasantgehman.com/</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="http://princessfarhana.com/">http://princessfarhana.com</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-39064999199030892172015-02-09T13:29:00.000-08:002016-02-09T12:46:52.247-08:00HEARTBREAK HOTEL<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Valentine’s Day… just the
thought of it makes me queasy. I’ve had so many weird, surreal and downright
hellish Valentine’s Days, I often entertain the fantasy of going into
hibernation on February 13<sup>th</sup> and then just popping out emotionally
unscathed in the wee hours of February 15<sup>th</sup> to shoot a lingering
sidelong glance at my shadow. Come to think of it, my shadow has probably been
the most stable and enduring relationship I’ve ever had!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Don’t get me wrong- I’ve
actually been very lucky in love and love gettin’ lucky, but in my regards to
Valentine’s Day itself-and my surviving it- it’s a wonder I haven’t been a
recipient of the Purple Heart, for sheer bravery, valor and life-threatening
battle wounds.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, the military-slogan-bearing T-shirts
stretched across the buff chests of our country’s off-duty armed forces can
best sum up my personal Valentine’s Day experiences:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I KNOW I’M GOING
TO HEAVEN, CAUSE I’VE DONE MY TIME IN HELL!<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Or better yet:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">KILL ‘EM ALL…LET
GOD SORT IT OUT!<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I remember one
Valentine’s Day when the only item in my mailbox that even remotely resembled a
heart was a red notice from a utility company. As if that wasn’t bad enough in
itself, my evening was packed with shows that only served to rub my “single”
status in my face: every damn place I danced was so full of cooing couples I
felt like I was performing on Noah’s Ark!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Then there was the
February 14 back in the early 1980’s… the date I picked, as a hopeless
twenty-year-old romantic, to be My Wedding Day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My groom and I, in our
sole nod to tradition, arrived separately (and not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">too</i> hung over) at the hall where our ceremony, which had been
booked for the better part of a year, was to be held. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I was a vision in an
ivory Fifties strapless organza gown, with an over-lay of French lace
embroidered with seed pearls. My hair, bleached White Minx, was in a fetching
Monroe bob, and under my Goodwill steal of a Juliet veil, I sported my
customary Revlon Cherries In The Snow lipstick. As I daintily stepped out of
the car, gathering my train, I was astounded to see dozens of buckets of
carnations, which had been dyed an uproarious shade of baby blue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">As I wondered who’d
Dumpster-dived the Flower District in honor of my wedding, I spotted legions of
Low Riders, uniformly bedecked in powder blue Polyester double-knit tuxes…
tattooed jailhouse tears and pompadours covered by homeboy hairnets abounded.
The four hundred or so bridesmaids were a symphony in ruffled dresses so tight
and shiny they looked like they were auditioning to be the Shark’s molls in a
special baby blue colorized version of Westside Story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Just as I was starting to
realize that this was not the result of my hangover or an LSD flashback and
that Mr. Colorization himself, Ted Turner hadn’t been invited, the Unitarian
priest who was to be presiding over my ceremony came rushing out to explain to
my groom and I -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and three quarters of
East LA</i>- that the hall had been double booked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Tension ran high for a
moment, but at the minister’s gentle suggestion we finally decided that a
coin-toss was in order. While disgruntled guests from both camps fumbled for
quarters, I heard The Best Man whisper to my groom that he had a full tank of
gas, a fifth of Scotch, two hundred bucks… and that The Border was only three
hours away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Before my betrothed had a
chance to answer, someone pulled out a coin, we won the flip, and had our
ceremony first, amongst the blinding neon blue riot of dyed flowers. Speaking
of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">first,</i> I should’ve taken the
scheduling snafu as an omen- that turned out to be just My First Wedding. If
there are any photos that somehow survived being cut-up or burned, I can assure
you they are predominantly baby blue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Many years later, I
foolishly accepted a Valentine’s Day date with Art Boy, to his first major gallery
opening. Why I did it, I’ll never know; I was in the throws of an obsessive
crush on my best friend, the sexually ambiguous Collegiate Art Department Head,
whom Art Boy and I had met in happier times at The Blacklite, an infamous
Hollywood dive bar, frequented by a garish parade of luridly made-up trannie
hookers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">And there was another
little glitch: Art Boy and I had been… just a teensy bit broken up -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">oh, excuse me, I really meant to say totally
hostile and incommunicado</i>- for months. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">But hearing Art Boy’s
cajoling, purring voice, I magically seemed to forget all of that… as well as
the fact that when Art Boy and I had originally embarked upon our passionate
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">certifiably insane</i> affair three
years previously-also coincidentally on February 14<sup>th</sup> - it had
resulted in the spectacularly gut-wrenching dissolution of My Second Marriage.
But Art Boy poured it on shamelessly. He really missed me, he was just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dying </i>to see me belly dance again! I
caved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">So I went to Art Boy’s
opening, dressed for sin in a skin-tight black velvet cat suit and sky-high red
platforms, glittering sequined hearts scattered throughout my ass-length,
teased-up Pricilla Presley hair do. Art Boy was there, of course<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">… but I hadn’t anticipated the bosomy
redhead that was hanging all over him!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Realizing I’d been used
for a free performance, I bit the bullet and decided to dance anyway, since I
was already there… and at least there would be potential tips. In my frazzled
state, I started downing multiple plastic cups of the cheap swill that was
barely passing for Merlot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
starting my fifth drink when the disinterested gallery owner hustled me to a
filthy, closet-sized bathroom, the only place in the gallery where I could
change into my costume, since he wouldn’t allow me to use his office.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I didn’t realize that the
toilet had been over-flowing until my gig bag had been sitting on the floor for
quite some time… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because there was no
light</i>. Foul mouthed drunks-people drunker than even I was, if that was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">possible</i>-banged on the door as I changed
into costume.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I performed, the hem of my costume got
drenched in the puddles of beer that had formed on the cement floor, and
someone burned a hole in my veil with a cigarette. When I finished my show, Art
Boy was macking ardently on the new gal. Instantly, drinks and insults were
flung from both sides. My recollection is fuzzy, but I do believe I was the one
that started it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My oldest, most-trusted
friend Bobby, who was visiting from Memphis, Tennessee, quickly escorted me out
of the melee like the Gallant Southern Gentleman he always has been. Somehow,
we wound up at The Blacklite. Collegiate Art Department Head was already there,
much to my delight. Much to my dismay, he was there with a date…but by the end
of the night, I was infatuated with The Date, who looked like a cross between a
gorgeous ‘70’s glam rock fag and 6’ 6” Hitler Youth, with the longest, blackest
eyelashes I had ever seen- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and they were
real!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">When the din of the
jukebox died down, I detected a Euro Accent. I was madly drunk and melting from
lust…and apparently, he was too. That Valentine’s Day, we began or affair- and
also a five year long merry-go-round of love, lies, sex, heartbreak, stalking,
drug abuse, violence, and psychological torture- between Art Department Head,
Tomorrow Belongs To Him and lil’ ole me. You name it, we experienced it. It was
a Love Triangle Of Bermudic proportions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Thank god, all that
Valentine’s Day insanity ended in the late 1990’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d like to say I’ve <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">learned</i> from my experiences… but I know better. I seem to be
feeling a little drowsy …wake me up when it’s over, will you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">##<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><b>The story you’ve just read is from my book<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Showgirl Confidential: My Life Onstage,
Backstage And On The Road” <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Get an autographed copy here: </span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm">http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">FRIDAY, FEB 13,
2015<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOS ANGELES<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">FUCK YOUR
VALENTINE: HOT CHICKS TRASHING DICKS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">A Valentines Day
Massacre featuring<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">LYDIA LUNCH<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">PLEASANT GEHMAN<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">CARLA BOZULICH<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">ADMIRAL GREY<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;">THE COWBOY
GALLERY</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-language: JA;"> <span style="color: #0e0f15;">622
N. HOOVER ST. LOS ANGELES, CA. 90004</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="color: #0e0f15;">Doors 9pm<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Show 10pm<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>$7.00<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: #0e0f15;">21 & Over <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU: MEMOIR WRITING CLASS <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SERIES <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WITH PLEASANT GEHMAN <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0f15; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3 Sundays in March: 1<sup>st</sup>, 8<sup>th</sup>,15<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>info: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/801629353257079/">https://www.facebook.com/events/801629353257079/</a>
</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find me on online:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/">www.princessfarhana.com</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com/">www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com</a>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/princess.farhana">www.facebook.com/princess.farhana</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana">www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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</div>
<!--EndFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-68475723146764432552014-12-30T12:19:00.000-08:002015-12-14T15:40:10.389-08:00HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM BEYOND<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaEOnDQTGnlwpiYGRFPBK9kZkrzNEU5nA58ZouZtAvl-9tTl8Ry4RPWJYCZ4iJ0Vat-_wwnXJcgFBHDpc4pYy_YmFFpwn_RidDbuhksFAGfb56qOnIHGFxehy_F9qkgLCDTTzPNV02EgoG/s1600/ZeinAbdMalik.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaEOnDQTGnlwpiYGRFPBK9kZkrzNEU5nA58ZouZtAvl-9tTl8Ry4RPWJYCZ4iJ0Vat-_wwnXJcgFBHDpc4pYy_YmFFpwn_RidDbuhksFAGfb56qOnIHGFxehy_F9qkgLCDTTzPNV02EgoG/s1600/ZeinAbdMalik.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zein on the cover of <i>Arabesque Magazine</i>, early 1990's</td></tr>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">In 1999, during the
days leading up to The New Millennium, like many people, I began reflecting on
life: historical events I had witnessed, personal goals that I had achieved,
the things I still wanted to accomplish and all the people in my life, living and
dead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">But what seemed to
really dominate my thoughts were the many significant relationships I had with
family and friends. I was blessed with so much love, nurture and support. I
thought of the many special people who were there for me not matter what…
friends and relatives who shared their lives with me, gave me affection,
support and influenced my creative and artistic endeavors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">One of these special
individuals was my friend and belly dance mentor, the late Zein Abdul Al Malik.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Zein was a dancer of
prodigious talent. Well over six feet tall and lanky, he had piercing green
eyes and performed draped in billowing genie pants and luxurious folkloric
garb, wrapped in antique Egyptian Assuit, a traditional mesh fabric that has
small strips of silver hammered into it to form designs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zein looked imposing and exotic when he
danced balancing a huge brass tray with a full tea set and candles upon his
regal head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Zein began his career
in the San Francisco Bay Area in the mid Seventies, dancing with one of the
mothers of contemporary belly dance, Jamilla Salimpour. He went on to live in
Morocco and Saudi Arabia, where he resided in one of the royal palaces, thanks
to his Saudi prince lover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zein lived
and breathed Oriental Dance, performing, teaching and doing research.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">After we met in 1990,
he took me under his wing- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me, a
beginning baby belly dancer with barely any skills</i>- but somehow he saw my
potential and nurtured me. Zein would have me over to his apartment- a
wonderful, mysterious enclave of inlaid North African furniture, luxurious
plants and relics from the Middle East. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">He’d make me fresh
mint tea in a silver Moroccan teapot and we’d spend hours together while he
showed me steps and technique, discussed belly dance traditions, and watched
vintage clips that he’d taped from the television in Saudi Arabia, featuring
1940’s and ‘50’s “Golden Age” Egyptian movies which starred famous dancers like
Naima Akef, Samia Gamal, and Tahiya Carioca.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zein also helped me select costumes, heartily
encouraged my dancing, and got me my very first dance job at Hollywood’s Moun
Of Tunis Restaurant, where he worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More than two decades later, whenever I am in Los Angeles, I still
perform there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Appropriate music for
Middle Eastern dance was hard to find in America back in those days, and Zein
made me many Arabic mix tapes- remember, there were no CD’s back then- with the
cassettes featuring everything from classic live Om Kalthoum performances to
the latest in Egyptian pop and Algerian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rai
</i>music.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every cassette Zein made me also had a special
cover that he thoughtfully put together by hand. Some featured Middle Eastern
clip art others photocopy of vintage Turkish cigarette boxes and pictures of
famous belly dancers like Nagwa Fouad and Soheir Zaki.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Tragically, Zein died
about five years after I met him. By that time, we were close friends and
because of his encouragement, we were also gigging together regularly. I was
absolutely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">devastated.</i> I remember
speaking-or rather blubbering through a speech- at his memorial, my face wet
with flowing tears, but I don’t remember a thing I said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I thought of him
often, so many things reminded me of him. At gigs when I felt pre-show jitters,
I would think of the way he used to calm my nerves through his twisted humor
right before we both went on. Wrapped in a turban and wearing a brocade <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">galibiya</i>, shimmying to warm up, with an
ever-present Marlboro in his mouth, Zein would sense my anxiety, catch my eye,
make an exaggerated coquettish gesture then and whisper in a feminine falsetto,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“<i>How’s my hair</i>?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Somehow, our private
joke never got old, and always made me laugh. Whenever he did that, I had a
great show, entering the stage with a huge grin on my face. Even though Zein
has been departed for years, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i>
think of him just before I go on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">So…fast forward to
New Year’s Eve 1999, at five minutes of midnight. Of<i> course</i> I was at a
belly dance gig, in a dressing room, wearing a brand new costume- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my first costume for the New Millennium.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">The dancer I was
working with that evening asked what music I was planning to perform to for my
first dance set of the century.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“I don’t know, “ I
said, pawing through my CD binder, “I’m so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sick
</i>of all my music!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">My gig bag was full
of the usual belly dance accouterments: stray finger cymbals, perfume, hair
accessories, mis-matched sequin armbands, loose aspirin tablets, safety pins. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Suddenly, something
fell into my hands, a small plastic case. Though my suitcase was always
chaotic, there was a method to my madness, and it was always re-packed before
every show. The little plastic box was decidedly an unfamiliar object that I
didn’t remember packing. Recognizing what it was in the dim dressing room
lighting by the feel of it alone, I wondered how it got there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Hey, no way, there’s
a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cassette</i> in my dance bag!” I cried,
kind of amazed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“<i>You still use
cassettes</i>?” the other dancer asked incredulously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Well, no, not for
years”, I answered, dumbfounded, “I have no idea what it’s doing in here!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“Well, maybe we can
dance to it,” she said, “What is it?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">I glanced at the
clock- it was now one minute before midnight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">Thinking we’d better
figure our music out, I turned the mystery cassette case over in my hands. The
cover featured a black and white drawing of a 1920’s flapper lounging in a
champagne glass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">In hand-lettered Art
Deco font, it read:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">“HAPPY NEW YEAR!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOVE, ZEIN”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times-Roman; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: EN-US;">As the clock struck
midnight and the new century began, I got chills.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">#<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The story you’ve just read
is from my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>memoir <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Showgirl Confidential; My Life Onstage, Backstage And On The Road </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>published by Punk Hostage Press.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get a signed copy of the book here: </span></b><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm</span></b></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My forthcoming<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>memoir,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls
Go Everywhere</i> will be published by Punk Hostage in 2015<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9_hnLHWFRIVjhCaEGvhCUnJYTpoDxbk8MbxLafJDT8LjAmxK0Gh-DqRXbWqDHLOmenFWmUXGSTiqTVWpWdk14QYnC-9cgivxQ_ATwO3qGvgsgja66c-pCnhVHkoiHt42UWIwzEIR0ljB/s1600/small+showgirl+banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9_hnLHWFRIVjhCaEGvhCUnJYTpoDxbk8MbxLafJDT8LjAmxK0Gh-DqRXbWqDHLOmenFWmUXGSTiqTVWpWdk14QYnC-9cgivxQ_ATwO3qGvgsgja66c-pCnhVHkoiHt42UWIwzEIR0ljB/s1600/small+showgirl+banner.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photos by Dusti Cunningham & Maharet Hughes<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find me on online:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/">www.princessfarhana.com</a> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com/">www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.princessraqs.blogspot.com/">www.princessraqs.blogspot.com</a> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/princess.farhana">www.facebook.com/princess.farhana</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana">www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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</o:p></b></div>
<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-53804609851541382452014-12-23T16:40:00.002-08:002015-12-06T16:56:30.000-08:00A PUNK ROCK CHRISTMAS MIRACLE<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Jv3N04HqWdXGezIuZ_DHAvGPUtVx49P3Tz2P12O_T5Sv76Rrms0L5xnO4sHtqHOvacIWvq3XXAlbJpMdgNOtbRkWIQPMGftPJ6rSMKTyZbJ_Kyb6ZK8GP3MK13kWBjsuxaqMCAWgaxXB/s1600/Disgraceland+Xmas+Iris.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Jv3N04HqWdXGezIuZ_DHAvGPUtVx49P3Tz2P12O_T5Sv76Rrms0L5xnO4sHtqHOvacIWvq3XXAlbJpMdgNOtbRkWIQPMGftPJ6rSMKTyZbJ_Kyb6ZK8GP3MK13kWBjsuxaqMCAWgaxXB/s1600/Disgraceland+Xmas+Iris.jpg" width="362" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas at Disgraceland: L to R: Limey dave of Tupelo Chainsex, Iris Berry, Booby "From Memphis" McClellan photo courtesy of Iris Berry</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Some of my favorite Christmas
memories aren’t traditional… by any stretch of the imagination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the 1978 to 1988, I
lived at Disgraceland, my punk rock crash pad located just behind Frederick’s Of
Hollywood. Disgraceland was one quarter of a 1920's era stucco four-plex at 1553 Cassil Place, a quiet side street which, until we moved in, was
occupied mostly by large multi- generational Mexican families and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the senior
citizens who lived in nearby studio apartments ever since <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> making it as film stars during the last days of Hollywood’s
Golden Age. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Disgraceland was home to an
ever-revolving cast of room mates including The Go-Go’s Belinda Carlisle, Kid
Congo of the Gun Club and The Cramps, Tex And The Horseheads’ guitarist Mike
Martt, writer and Lame Flame Iris Berry and her underground artist boyfriend<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Mad” Marc Rude, Ward Dotson of The Gun Club,
my Screaming Sirens band-mate Laura Bennett, my husband Levi, of Levi And The
Rockats, and Joey Altruda and Limey Dave from the band Tupelo Chainsex.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The list of Disgraceland “regulars”- people
who crashed there constantly and often stayed for days or weeks at a time
included<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>rock ‘n’roll legend Screamin’ Jay Hawkins,
Angelo and Norwood of Fishbone, Duff McKagan of Guns ‘N’Roses, Charlie Sexton, Texacala Jones,
members of Poison 13, The Hickoids, The Hangmen, Junkyard, DRI, The Joneses,
TSOL and many more. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;">Disgraceland was also a pit stop for the
skateboarding<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>elite, entertaining and
often housing champs Tony Alva, Steve Olson,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Alabamy” Jay, an under-age Christian Hosoi and his father Ivan, Chuck
Treece, Thrasher editor MoFo and Skatemaster Tate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of the nightly-and always uproariously
loud –parties plus the subsequent debauchery that routinely spilled into the
yard and onto the sidewalk, Disgraceland had a very well deserved bad
reputation with our neighbors, and even within the Hollywood rock scene.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For every stranded, drunken musician that
stumbled onto our porch in the middle of the night looking for a party, there were at least three scenesters who avoided the place entirely, mainly cause they were scared of us!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Nevertheless, we Disgracelanders still
had<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the Christmas spirit…it’s just that
we couldn’t really afford any holiday gifts or decorations, because any cash we
had was going straight to bottles of Jack Daniels, packs of cigarettes and cases
of beer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;">We remedied the Christmas decoration thing
easily; during the Holiday Season, Iris and I would have burley guys hoist us
up on their shoulders so we could rip the tinsel and decorations off the
ceiling of the bars and nightclubs we were visiting. On one of the many times I
got 86’d from Raji’s, the infamous punk club I booked, manager Dobbs threw me out
because I’d torn down all the tinsel from the showroom’s ceiling.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In an unforeseen change of events, two days
later, Dobbs called me into the office to thank me, explaining that the Fire
Marshall had just visited Raji’s, and because there was no Mylar garland on the
ceiling, he’d dodged a $500.00 fire violation!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because of my drunken, sparkly Holiday vandalism, I enjoyed free drinks well into the New
Year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One year, we decorated by salvaging a massive,
discarded Christmas tree from the alley behind Club Lingerie in the wee hours of Christmas Eve. It took three of
us, grunting and pulling and dragging the tree on foot around the corner to
Disgraceland, but by golly, we got it up and proudly stood it in a corner of
our living room, between two Marshall amps. Unfortunately, the entire
stolen cache of Christmas garland was already in use ( most of it hung from the pull-tabs on my cowboy boots) and we had nothing to trim the tree with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suddenly, inspiration struck, and we decided
on a traditional red and white theme…piling on everything we had in those
colors. Our tree was hung with red patent leather 1950's spike heeled pumps, Marlboro flip-top
boxes, Budweiser cartons, red and white brassieres, panties and fishnets, and
Elementary School style paper snowflakes we cut from band flyers and attached
with guitar strings. We topped the tree with a Santa Hat someone had found on
Sunset Boulevard during The Hollywood Christmas Parade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That tree looked so good, we left it up until
the next April! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">On another fabled Christmas
Eve, there were about thirty people at Disgraceland celebrating by taking the
magic mushrooms that The Hickoids’ guitarist Juke Box had so thoughtfully
provided; everyone in the house was tripping their brains out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our latest obsession was the underground
psychedelic sensation<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Legendary
Stardust Cowboy, an “outsider” artist who routinely ranked <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>extremely high up on “ The Worst Records
Ever<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recorded” lists, who’d once
appeared on Rowan And Martin’s Laugh-In as a novelty act. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Members of the seminal Psychobilly
group The Meteors had turned Levi onto The Legendary Stardust Cowboy, whose
name, it was rumored, stood for LSD: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">L</b>egendary
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">S</b>tar <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">D</b>ust…get it? We had his 1969 cult hit “Paralyzed” on the record player
set with the arm across, so it would play over and over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The screaming, ranting, unintelligible vocals,
pounding drums, hellish feedback and random bugle calls of “Paralyzed” served
as <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the perfect backdrop for the chaos
that ensued.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Someone had brought over a
package of those kid’s coloring books, the kind where the pictures turned
colors when they were painted with water. As soon as the drugs took hold, Iris
and I decided that it would be a fun idea<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>to see if liquids other than water worked on the coloring books as well,
so at our decree, everyone <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>started
finger painting painting the pages with beer and vodka.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naturally, it piqued our curiosity to see
what other substances would do- so Iris and I sent some of the boys off to the bedrooms and bathroom
with the coloring books, plus issues of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Playboy</i>
and<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Hustler</i> to inspire their "creative out-put". The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">masterpieces</i> they created privately bore an uncanny resemblance to
Jackson Pollack’s greatest work!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in the hallway standing outside the
bathroom, coaching a guest along in his<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> auto erotic
</span>“artistic endeavor” by talking dirty through the door, when Jukebox came
up to me with a dazed look on his face, telling me that The Legendary Stardust
Cowboy was at the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first, I
didn’t believe him- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what the hell would
this aging, beyond-the-fringe ten gallon hat wearing lunatic from Lubbock,
Texas be doing at my house on Christmas Eve.</i>..especially while his 45 had
been<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>playing continuously for over two
hours? It was simply too ridiculous to believe, but Jukebox was so earnest that
finally, I took him seriously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked into the living room, and sure enough, there was The
Cowboy standing at the threshold to our front door, ten-gallon hat in hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He addressed me by name, politely asking if
he could come in, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his record was blasting
on my battered $99.00 Sears Roebuck stereo. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked like he really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could </i>be The Legendary Stardust Cowboy, but even though I could
barely construct a simple sentence, I grilled him nonetheless… I didn’t want
some random crazy old man ruining our mushroom-fueled painting party!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turned out that he’d read about
Disgraceland in a rock’n’roll magazine, and finding himself alone in Hollywood on a
quiet Christmas Eve, he’d made it his business to find our house, figuring we’d
be, as he termed it, “rockin’ all night”. Apparently, he was staying at a
motel, and had walked all the way to Hollywood in search of us. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gave us all promotional post cards, and
seemed very excited that we knew who he was. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Soon, Jukebox had a couple of guitars plugged
in and was jamming along with The Cowboy and everyone else, screaming out
“Paralyzed”, The Seed’s “Pushing Too Hard” and various Christmas carols. This
went on for quite a long time, until it started getting light outside. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, The Legendary Stardust Cowboy never
made us a painting that evening, but he <i>did</i> autograph my copy of “Paralyzed”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgqAIWhGGyJ8hLvqRW2UHR0a5rkx8T9t-vkZLO24qVlbLlBJxmDF2_7HszfjeX1cJTQAHOBAOsX8B87NpHyZi8DUZT82HMvDP14zk9atzgafayJVIvYzZxqh5ASwXCGJLVcxgmi8M4XWSe/s1600/Disgraceland+Elf.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgqAIWhGGyJ8hLvqRW2UHR0a5rkx8T9t-vkZLO24qVlbLlBJxmDF2_7HszfjeX1cJTQAHOBAOsX8B87NpHyZi8DUZT82HMvDP14zk9atzgafayJVIvYzZxqh5ASwXCGJLVcxgmi8M4XWSe/s1600/Disgraceland+Elf.JPG" width="224" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Totally naughty! Me in the 1980's with a smoking Christmas elf photo: Joey Altruda</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">#</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> The story you've just read is an excerpt from my forthcoming book "Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere" out in 2015 on Punk Hostage Press</o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listen to “Paralyzed”
by The Legendary Stardust Cowboy here:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EEZAivzl1Q">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EEZAivzl1Q</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Purchase a
signed copy of my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>memoir<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Showgirl Confidential: My Life Onstage,
Backstage And On The Road” here:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html">http://pleasantgehman.com/writing.html</a>
</span></span></b></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find me on online:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/">www.princessfarhana.com</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com/">www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.princessraqs.blogspot.com/">www.princessraqs.blogspot.com</a> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/princess.farhana">www.facebook.com/princess.farhana</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana">www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</a>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-40615297679298460132014-11-20T12:19:00.000-08:002014-11-20T12:19:01.257-08:00KISS THE COOK<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk-SPRr788-r82C_L3uFQm3EVZqWztvzgTVs02oSOpbyD0d5IjgyKYJe9e0OIlX6eS6UwmIePVU7m3KDSIsNa3ZGK4y1fVOMeKQbmBj5kBUnBf_FJfpX7DdODkRgZfqglOBlk6NI78Ei3Z/s1600/Sexy-Pilgrim.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk-SPRr788-r82C_L3uFQm3EVZqWztvzgTVs02oSOpbyD0d5IjgyKYJe9e0OIlX6eS6UwmIePVU7m3KDSIsNa3ZGK4y1fVOMeKQbmBj5kBUnBf_FJfpX7DdODkRgZfqglOBlk6NI78Ei3Z/s320/Sexy-Pilgrim.jpg" height="320" width="231" /></a><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><b> </b> How in the hell did it get to be the middle of November?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"> As of last weekend, I'm done with all my national and
international travel, and looking forward to spending The Holidays at
home...which means I'm getting ready to <i>cook</i>! I cook like a
fiend, and I love to make fabulous food, but I'm usually not around to
be able to, cause I'm on the road dancing. But once I get home- and get into the kitchen- watch out!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"> The following recipe an adaptation of a scrumptious, sweet, savory
and very spicy holiday dressing that has been in my family for over half a
century. I have been eating it for as long as I can remember, and making it
myself for over thirty years.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My entire family are great cooks; it’s
in our blood! My sisters Eddie, Cupcake and I even had a ridiculously popular
food blog for a few years called “The Haphazard Gourmet”, which was named after a popular
cook book my father, the late author Richard Gehman, wrote in 1966, when I was
a mere tot.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">One
of the biggest ironies in my life is that though I love to cook, I almost never
have the chance to do it. During the holidays, when I am home, I
always<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cook up a storm, and this
dressing is one of the things I love to make. It is<i> extremely</i> work intensive,
and has a boatload of ingredients…but I’m tellin’ you, all the labor is worth
it! Since it’s so very close to Thanksgiving, and you might<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>already have your meal plans set, you <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>maybe<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>will want to save this to make for Christmas or New Year’s
Eve…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>or just have a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanksgiving “rehearsal”!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Something
that this stuffing has taught me over the years, is that if you are great cook
and make something this luscious…</span></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SOMEBODY ELSE WILL OFFER TO CLEAN UP THE
KITCHEN FOR YOU!</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">A
little history<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the dressing
itself: my father was a famous writer,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a bohemian bon vivant, and an extraordinary cook, who absolutely adored
making-and <i>enjoying</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">- extraordinary food. Actually, now that I think about, my father
was not unlike Don Draper from "Mad Men"! Anyway, before I was born,
he interviewed his friend Morton Thompson, also a very well-known writer and
man-about-town, and apparently this stuffing originated with Morton Thompson. I’ve
put a link to my father’s article, and the original recipe at the bottom of
this post, if you want to look it up.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">This
Gehman family take on Morton Thompson's recipe makes a <i>ton </i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">of dressing, enough to feed an
army and last you, your family, friends and neighbors for a few days so you can
halve the recipe if you don’t want lots of leftovers… but of <i>course </i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">you will want them, cause this
dressing is the damn bomb!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Before
I go into the exact details, you need to know a couple of the most important
parts of the recipe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">The
first thing is that there was a <i>reason</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"> my father’s book, and our family cooking blog,
were both called “The Haphazard Gourmet”. It’s because we improvise freely
in the kitchen… swirling around like a tornado in an apron, using crazy
ingredients, adding or subtracting them, making do with whatever is around.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Just
like improvisation in dancing or acting, it’s fun to improvise in the kitchen.
Don’t be scared to cook according to your own taste, and don’t feel lost
without specific measurements. I’m<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>just giving you a <i>guideline</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">… don't be afraid of to making substitutions or adding
in some new elements. My own personal version of this is quite different than
the original version, but they taste similar and they’re both divine.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><b>The
second thing you need to know is that while you are making the dressing, you
need to brag loudly, obnoxiously and continuously, or it simply won’t turn out
right.</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Tell
everyone within earshot that you are not only foxy, but also the best cook on
earth and they’re blessed just to be in the same house as you, inhaling the
same oxygen that you’re breathing. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Tell
them they’ll be on their knees kissing your feet- just after they take their
first bite! Let them know you are an immortal being with culinary gifts from
the heavens above…then let THEM clean up your mess…and thank you profusely the
whole time!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Once
I was cooking for Thanksgiving with my neighbor, and he had a recipe for
dressing he got off the Internet, which he wanted me to make.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">“Are
you <i>kidding</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">?”
I cried, “I <i>never</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">
use recipes, I always cook by instinct! You’re gonna <i>love</i> this!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">He
regarded me suspiciously, like I was a teenage shoplifter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">“Ok,”
he said finally, “But if you fuck this up, I’m going to be really mad.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">“No
problem!”, I sniffed indignantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">The
moment he tasted my stuffing, a strange look came over his face… the kind of
pie-eyed expression guys get in romantic comedies when they realize they’re in
love. He finally shook it off and came back to earth, and exclaimed loudly,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">“<i>I
will never doubt another word you say, as long as I am alive!”</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><b>Then
he started cleaning the kitchen</b></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">So:
you will need a large frying pan with a cover, couple of small bowls, a couple
of large bowls, aluminum foil, and two Pyrex or disposable aluminum baking
pans.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">INGREDIENTS:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Two
boxes bread cubes or stuffing mix, of any type you prefer</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Six
stalks of celery- take off the strings</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Two
green peppers</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Four
large yellow onions</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Six
to ten fresh garlic cloves (or fresh mashed garlic from a jar)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">A
handful of loose white mushrooms</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Two
large apples (red or green, either is fine)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Two
large oranges, or a medium sized can of Mandarin oranges</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Two
cans of sliced or chunk pineapple in plain water- not syrup</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">One
large can sliced water chestnuts</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">One
and a half giant handfuls of walnut halves or walnut pieces ** I have even
thrown in pecans, and in some years added pre-made trail mix here as well. <i>Like
I said, improvise!</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Two
large containers of chicken or vegetable stock</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Quarter
pound stick of butter… if you don’t eat dairy, then eliminate this step, and
just use more stock to keep the stuffing moist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Four
or five links of spicy Italian sausages- if you don’t like traditional pork
sausage, chicken or turkey sausage is ok… and again, if you are a vegetarian, <i>just
eliminate the sausage altogether!</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">HERBS:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">The
herbs can be fresh or dried; it’s your call! Fresh is better though.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">You’ll
need rosemary, oregano, sage, marjoram and thyme… plus three or four large,
whole bay leaves, and a small bunch of fresh parsley. The parsley <i>must</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"> be fresh. Separate the leaves
from the stems, and snip them up with a scissors.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">If
you’re using dried herbs, use a quite liberal pinch or about a very full
teaspoon of each; for fresh herbs, then cut up a few leaves of each. I usually
go heavy on the sage and rosemary for a more savory taste. Put these herbs into
a bowl, mix them up, and set them aside for now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">SPICES:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><i>I’ll
say this again: I don’t measure when I cook, I do it mad scientist style!</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">So, for the following spices, you’ll need a few very
healthy shakes of each: salt, pepper, all spice, cinnamon, nut meg, curry
powder, cumin seed, and cayenne pepper or red pepper flakes, turmeric, and a
small chunk of fresh ginger, which you’ve peeled and sliced.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">If
you’re scared to spice up your food the way I do, then measure out about a
quarter teaspoon of each, and put them in another small bowl, making sure
they’re mixed up. Set these aside, too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><b>DIRECTIONS</b>:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Cut
up or dice all ingredients- EVERYTHING!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the time consuming, hellish
part. I usually dice everything into small, thin pieces, but I have also made
late-night, post-dance-gig rushed versions of this dressing where I carelessly
chopped the peppers, celery and onions into larger chunks… so, whatever you
want to do is fine.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"> I cut the parsley with a scissors- and at the same time, if
I am using fresh herbs, I cut them, too. If you want, you can also used diced
packaged onions, cause crying while cutting onions is the worst, but I usually
just weep my way through this part of the process.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Skin
the sausages, and either crumble them or cut them into thin pennies, then get
‘em into in a very large frying pan or skillet with a little blop or two of
extra-virgin olive oil, and start cooking them. If you are making the veggie
version of this stuffing, just eliminate this step and start sautéing the
veggies. You want the sausages cooked through, and a little browned. When the
sausages are almost done, throw in the diced onions, garlic, peppers and
celery, parsley, and a few generous pats of butter and stir. You will need to
stir this continuously! Take a few pinches of both the herb mixture and the
spice mixture and throw them both in, according to your taste.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Have
a glass of wine here if you drink… or if you want to be like my father, make it
a scotch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><b><i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make sure you’ve been bragging to
whomever is around! If no one’s at your house yet, send a few texts, tweet
about it, post a pic on Instagram, or update your status on Facebook about the manna from heaven which
you are creating. Do it… remember, you need to brag or it won’t turn out right!
Then preheat your oven to 350.</i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">When
the veggies have almost cooked, throw in the apples, walnuts, mushrooms,
oranges, and pineapple, with all the juice from the can. Drain the can of water
chestnuts and throw those in too. At this point, you will probably need more of
the herbs and spice mixtures- I know I always do! And while you’re at it, just
start adding more pats of butter like a crazy person with a death wish! Stir it
all up well. Turn down the heat, put a lid on the pan, and keep stirring it
occasionally. Take a taste and figure out if you need to add more herbs and
spice… I know I would! While you’re at it, throw in some more butter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Divide
your bread cubes up into two large bowls. Prepare according to the package, but
use your chicken or vegetable stock instead of water to moisten it up. Mix it
well, and then slowly start adding in the big mess of ingredients you’ve got in
the frying pan.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">When
you’ve gotten the entire contents divided into the two big bowls, start mixing
it all up. Mix it until you think you’ll get carpal tunnel!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Take
a few pats of butter and grease your baking pans, yelling loudly that you’re
about to put this divine creation in the oven, and soon everyone’s going to be
hearing the angels sing. Divide the well-mixed dressing into the baking pans,
then put a few more pats of butter on top, cover them with the foil tightly,
and pop ‘em into the oven.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Let
them bake about fifteen or twenty minutes, then take the foil off, and let them
bake another ten or fifteen minutes so that the top gets browned and crunchy.
By this time, you’re going to be beating people out of the kitchen like a
lunatic, because the whole house will smell amazing. Have them make you a drink
and tell them they need to start cleaning up…cause the gorgeous aroma from the
dressing you created just enriched their sad, humdrum lives!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Take
the baking pans out of the oven and keep them covered until you serve them. I
usually make this the night before, and keep them in the refrigerator until
serving, because it allows the flavors and spices to marry. You can heat them
up on Thanksgiving Day (or whatever day falls after you make this unearthly
creation) and it’ll be even more divine.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">Bon
Appetite, Happy
Holidays...and remember, the recipe won't turn out right unless you brag!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
#<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b> Get a signed copy of my memoir <i>Showgirl Confidential </i> here:</b><br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm">http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm</a>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;">A
link to a reprint of the original recipe for this dressing…and for an
incredible turkey recipe, too is here: “Morton Thompson’s Turkey” by Richard
Gehman: </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16.0pt;"><a href="http://www.whats-on.com/dining/magician-kitchen">http://www.whats-on.com/dining/magician-kitchen</a>
</span></b></div>
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Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-8899868086304084042014-11-14T13:44:00.000-08:002014-11-14T13:47:26.707-08:00HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6EyK0mpNDxvGH4QxEmhB9nwQ4Gm4I0aDGy4AkLPpuZve_w2yQrhvhAa-pnbxSEi2SDsSkILBvdmX1519bMQzCHHuoBE0WgvdVfvPosgVN79EeTBEJyW2bs4fUyuyJ3LsQepV4eVRUYbWg/s1600/Sperm.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6EyK0mpNDxvGH4QxEmhB9nwQ4Gm4I0aDGy4AkLPpuZve_w2yQrhvhAa-pnbxSEi2SDsSkILBvdmX1519bMQzCHHuoBE0WgvdVfvPosgVN79EeTBEJyW2bs4fUyuyJ3LsQepV4eVRUYbWg/s1600/Sperm.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Berit demonstrates The Facts Of Life on the ferry from Helsinki, Finland to Tallin, Estonia</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> This past weekend, I made my last road trip of the year. I</span> spent most of 2014 on the road, which
wasn’t much of a change from the previous few years. I travel constantly to teach and perform dance. Though I could definitely
live without the scary airport food and the hassle of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>condensing my cosmetics in a TSA-approved
quart baggie, I love most aspects of traveling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To this day, I feel blessed and grateful that I am not only doing something
I love, but that I get<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to travel all over the world to do it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But life on the road isn’t always glamorous as
you might think…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often joke that every
year, I lose at least fifty IQ points to jetlag!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Traveling
seems to generate unusual incidents, at least for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i> it does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been
through five separate hotel fires: Vancouver, BC; Memphis Tennessee; at The
Flamingo in Las Vegas, on board the Queen Mary in Long Beach, California, and
at the Mena House in Cairo. I’ve missed countless planes and had my suitcase
handle break off on an English train platform…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>while the train departed... <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and my
suitcase remained at the station!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I’ve been delayed and searched at international
borders, spent the night in a Cairo police station, and bump into all sorts of
random people at airports, including rock stars. Ron Wood from The Stones
helped me get my bags off the carousel once, and I walked right into Alice
Cooper at the airport in Athens, Greece.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I see people I know in foreign places, too. On a flight from Heathrow to
Los Angeles, I endured an awful thunderstorm with infamous LA punk band manager
and record magnate Posh Boy, and on a return flight from Egypt that transferred
through Paris; I was coincidentally booked on the same plane to LAX as my
ex-husband!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beyond that, once in a while, it gets even
wackier. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not understanding the language or
confusion over local customs, but other times things get so totally out of hand
and downright <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bizarre</i> that I actually
start to think:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">There’s the signpost up
ahead… The Twilight Zone!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 2011, I was in five different countries
before Valentine's Day, and wasn’t home longer than a week and a half until
just before Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As per usual, I
spent a lot of that travel time on a bullet train to Crazy Town.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">In
February 2011, I went on a solo European dance tour. Not only did my luggage
get lost three times on flights to three different countries, but also the two
and a half hour ferryboat ride from Helsinki, Finland to Tallinn, Estonia was
completely surreal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To begin with, Finland and Estonia are so far
north that in February, it doesn’t get light til about 10:00am, and darkness
sets in again a little after 3:00pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That alone is disorienting to a California Sunshine Gal like me. The
median temperature while I was there was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">28
degrees below zero</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My nostrils
literally froze and my eyes ached every time I went outside. I don’t know how
those Northern gals look glamorous in winters like that, but they all do!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
morning I was leaving Helsinki to go to Tallinn, I had to be up super early,
check out of the hotel, and get to the ferry dock two hours before the ship
departed at 9:00 am…. or, as I took to calling it, dawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was meeting my Estonian sponsor Berit<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and the other gals from her belly dance
studio Mustika at the Helsinki dock, because they’d come to Finland for my
workshops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my haste, I didn’t have
time for breakfast, so I grabbed a hard-boiled egg from the buffet and shoved
it into my purse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
dock looked like Ellis Island- I didn’t know the ferry was going to be so big,
it was the size of a cruise ship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
embarkation line stretched outside into the darkness and falling snow. Also,
the ocean was completely frozen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
boats all had ice cutters on the prow and as they pulled in and out of the
harbor huge chunks of ice flew up like a gigantic blender! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally found the Estonian girls, and we got
on the ferry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was three stories high;
there was a duty free shop, a huge casino, restaurants, and lots of bars, plus
a lounge area that had karaoke, where we settled. Beiritt said it was the best
place to spend the journey, and asked if I wanted breakfast or coffee from the
bar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
dug in my purse and pulled out my egg, confessing I’d had no idea there’d be
food onboard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">All
the Estonian dancers laughed in disbelief.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You
look like an old Russian grandma!”, said Daisi, a burlesque artist from
Tallinn, as Berit took off her scarf and wrapped it around my head like a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">babushka,</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What else do you have in your purse?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ship started sailing and the moment we had
our coffee, a lounge singer came on, singing Beatles and Johnny Cash songs in
Finnish, Estonian and Russian.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh
shit,” Daisi groaned, “This is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
helping my hangover!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon the karaoke began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Daisi winced in pain and the other girls
kept joking about my egg, we were treated to hideous versions in various
languages of ABBA’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Dancing Queen”,
Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” and the enduring all-time Euro-trash hit, “Don’t Worry, Be
Happy”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Soon,
a young, wholesome- looking guy dressed all in white, with a tousled blonde
bowl-cut took the microphone, and before he started singing, everyone burst
into applause.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As he launched into a terrifyingly off-key
rendition A-Ha’s “Take On Me”, the Estonian dancers started laughing
hysterically and whispering amongst themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What’s so funny?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked, utterly confused since they were
speaking Estonian. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh,
this man singing is the biggest porn star in Estonia!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yahna exclaimed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“No
way!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said, convinced they were making
fun of me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in all my jet lag. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“No,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really,</i> he is!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daisi assured me,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ Everyone knows him in Estonia, and he is
very, very famous for his bondage and latex videos!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I sat dumbfounded, Berit added,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His name is Arnold, but we call him “Second
Arnold” because “First Arnold” is our president, Arnold Ruutel!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Just
before<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Second Arnold” launched into
Culture Club’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Do You Really Want to
Hurt Me”, I started to believe them, because a few audience members went up to
him and had him sign autographs on napkins. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ I can’t take this any more,” Berit declared, “I’m going to Duty Free.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she returned, Second Arnold was still
hogging the mic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was on his sixth
song, much to the delight of the crowd. A few matronly older women stormed the
stage, giggling like schoolgirls, taking pictures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ I got you something to go with your egg!”
Berit cried, handing me a foot-long plastic sperm, with big googley cartoon
eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Second Arnold began to croon Duran Duran’s
“Hungry Like The Wolf”, I held the giant sperm in my hand, regarding it mutely,
quite unsure of reality at this point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Some
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cream</i> for your coffee!” Yahna
laughed, as Berit unscrewed the sperm’s head and poured a whitish-yellow
substance out of its body and into my cup.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I stared in shock, Berit assured me it was
Bailey’s Irish Crème… and, thankfully it really was!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Arnold didn’t stop singing
for the rest of the voyage</span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">#</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>you’ve just read is from my memoir “Showgirl Confidential: My Life
Onstage, Backstage And On The Road” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">( Punk Hostage Press, 2013) Purchase
a signed copy here: <a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm">http://www.princessfarhana.com/shop.htm</a> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-10229308356530178362014-10-15T10:17:00.002-07:002015-03-01T00:42:31.395-08:00 A GASP FROM THE PAST: VAMPIRA<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKuKCbnOUFniFeJ3w8Mabw4jzkPd2-YGWUdSNjsDps36VVR4jHUvVy3PkTVZaDgUVInKPKaem_-qaQ91lr-uNTOgDLmfPs3AFePdEOJE4nfZr1xVSbmwMrDnRXUqCktYz2tabqxF1jLpZn/s1600/vampira3a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKuKCbnOUFniFeJ3w8Mabw4jzkPd2-YGWUdSNjsDps36VVR4jHUvVy3PkTVZaDgUVInKPKaem_-qaQ91lr-uNTOgDLmfPs3AFePdEOJE4nfZr1xVSbmwMrDnRXUqCktYz2tabqxF1jLpZn/s1600/vampira3a.jpg" height="400" width="293" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Vampira in her heyday</td></tr>
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<div align="center" class="normal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 800; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I spent a lot of my teens hunting down the legendary screen siren and horror movie hostess Vampira... I was completely obsessed with her. It took me quite a long time to figure out that the friendly older woman I used to sit next to at Angel's Coffee Shop in Hollywood WAS Vampira, Maila Nurmi herself! </span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just before this story was published, I arranged for Vampira to make a live comeback, by popping out of a coffin at a Cramps show in Northridge, California.</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This article was originally
published in LA Weekly on October 30, 1981<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
first discovered Vampira when I was twelve years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An avid fan of horror movies and monster
magazines, I saw her pictures, and fell in love. Later, when <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I discovered James Dean and started reading
everything I could get my hands on about him, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vampira
figured prominently in many of the stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As an adult, I was still completely fascinated and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>spent hours trying to look her up, cruising
down Melrose Avenue looking for her store and mooning over every publicity
still I could find of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like me, many
of the people obsessed with Vampira weren’t even born during her short career
span … It’s only because of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Plan 9 From
Outer Space,</i> a few scattered stories and the old stills that they even know
she existed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently that was enough
to trigger the mania.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her
five-inch-long fingernails were painted “hemorrhage red,” as were her
cruel-looking lips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her skin had a
luminous alabaster pallor, in direct contrast to her stringy raven mane and
tattered black shrouds which clung to her body like wallpaper … and what a body
- her measurements were a stunning 38-17-36.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Her face was angular, with high-jutting planes for cheekbones and black Gothic
arch slashes of eyebrows. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her icy blue eyes glittered with come-hither
invitation and sly menace as she’d say in a throaty voice at the end of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vampira Show</i> she hosted on Channel 7,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Bad dreams, dahling.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
drove through Hollywood in a chauffeured hearse, maintained that she signed
“epitaphs, not autographs” and drank nothing but Bloody Marys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One fan who worked at L.A. Children’s
Hospital even offered her a test-tube full of her “favorite cocktail.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was considered one of the original
beatniks and hung out at Googie’s and other bohemian coffeehouses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took in stray cats as well as stray
actors, like Marlon Brando and James Dean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She sent “Jimmy,” as she referred to him, a postcard of herself in a
coffin with the inscription “Wish you were here” - a week later he was dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
1956, she starred in the triple-B movie and cult favorite <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Plan 9 From Outer Space</i> along with Bela Lugosi and Tor
Johnson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although she admits to being “a
terrible snob” and has little regard for that movie, it was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Plan 9</i> and its frequent runs in revival
houses that has spurred the renewed interest in the prettiest vampire ever.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hollywood
legends are made, not born, as the old saying goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And most of the legends are made, at least in
part, by untimely deaths - witness Marilyn Monroe, Jean Harlow and, of course,
James Dean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vampira is not dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Well, she always was, anyway.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she disappeared from the public eye over
25 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She not only dropped out
of the limelight, she holed up and became a virtual hermit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She says she <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was getting a lot of
crank phone calls and being pestered by bizarre people who thought she really<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> was</i> Vampira.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Notes written in blood would be delivered
daily, and sometimes appetizing treats like decaptitated animals would appear
on her doorstep as love offerings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
was plagued with death threats by people who thought she’d be more sexually
attractive as a corpse, and later, when Dean died, she was bombarded with
people wanting to touch someone close to him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Today,
Vampira leads a quiet life in East Hollywood, working as a waitress and selling
various items at swap meets and flea markets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She shares her small apartment with three dogs and tries to keep a low
profile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In person, at the age of 60,
she is still gorgeous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although she has
a row of teeth missing on the right side of her mouth, her skin is clear and
unlined, and the incredible bone structure is still there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she unwinds, she is animated and laughs
easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is extremely intelligent,
not to mention well-informed on current events.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Vampira
was born Maila Nurmi in Finland and migrated to the U.S. with her family at the
age of two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her father was a newspaper
editor and a temperance lecturer, and the family roamed around America before
finally settling in Oregon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although
Maila had a strict religious upbringing, she’d been acting since she was very
young.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the age of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>seventeen, she moved to Los Angeles to stay
with relatives and pursue a theatrical career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In between too few acting jobs, Maila began doing exotic dancing up and
down the West Coast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At last, an offer
to appear with a Shakespeare company just outside of Chicago came through, and
Maila and a friend packed up and left on a bus for the “legitimate stage.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Well,
we got off the bus,” she laughed, “and there was nothing there, only a
field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw a tent and thought, ‘This
must be it.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we went over to the
tent, and it turned out to be a carnival!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was they who had hired us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
were supposed to stand on these giant blocks of ice right outside of the
hootchie-koo tent and wear ice-skates and hula dance!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We lasted about a week - it was a pretty
rough place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the carnies were
wonderful; they all pitched in for bus fare to get us back home.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Back
in L.A., Maila did cheesecake photos for Bernard of Hollywood, a well-known
photographer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His stable included
Marilyn Monroe, Irish McCalla and Mamie Van Doren.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This helped to pay the rent until she moved
to New York City to appear in Mike Todd’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Spooky
Scandals</i>, portraying, ironically enough, a dancing vampire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Howard Hawks spotted her, brought her back
out to Hollywood, and because he thought she had a rather sensuous Lauren
Bacall type appeal, gave her the old “I’ll make you a star” treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things looked promising, but nothing ever
came of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She lived in furnished rooms
and generally weathered the starlet struggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She recalls waking up one night and having an experience with astral
projection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“All
of a sudden I saw myself, but I was far thinner than I was then and about four
inches taller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked just like a
vampire, and I was walking into Ciro’s with a blond young man following
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stepped on my train, and I looked
back and stopped for a moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the
vision went away.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Eight
years later, the vision became a reality. Maila and her<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>then-husband, producer Dean Reiner were to
attend a costume ball. Maila<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>spent a lot
of time<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on her costume and made herself
up as the wife in the Charles Addams cartoons, whose macabre work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The New Yorker </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>spawned <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Addams Family</i> television series. Maila’s appearance was so breathtaking
that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hunt Stromberg, Jr., head of ABC ,
spent two months<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>after the event
searching for her to host the Channel 7 late-night horror movie show. She
consented, and in 1954, Vampira was born.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
was an instant hit the moment the program aired. Red-blooded American males (
and of course, that was the way she liked them!) spurned innocent-looking
blondes in favor of “The Ghoul Nextdoor”, who wowed ‘em weekly with vast
expanses of cleavage, drinking “poison” from an ornate antique bar ans she
lounged provocatively on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a sofa
decorated with skulls. She’d open the show with a blood-curdling scream and
croon,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
hope you’ve all had the good fortune to have had a terrible week!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
between bitingly sarcastic comments on the movies, which were generally just as
horrible as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Plan 9 </i>but not nearly as
humorous,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she’d make double-entendre
necrophiliac jokes. Aside from a few housewives complaining about Vampira’s
bosom and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>licentious attitude, she was
an all-around smash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Life </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>magazine did a four-page spread on her, she
was written up in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Newsweek</i>, and The
Academy Of Television Arts And Sciences nominated her “Most Outstanding Female
Personality” for 1954.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Offers for guest
appearances poured in by the hundreds, and the fan mail was staggering.
Newspapers did huge layouts on “The girl who put the HEX in sex appeal”, and
Confidential, the most outrageous of the scandal rags, really played up the
friendship between Vampira and “America’s Number One Teenager”, James Dean.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vampira befriended James<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deam when her star far outshone his. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">East of Eden </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was doing well but wasn’t a hit. By that
time,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vampira<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was making grand sweeping entrances into
Hollywood hotspots like<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ciro’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
was so sad because I was getting invited into such lovely places,” she laments,
“And I couldn’t even eat an olive, or my waist-cincher would pop and I’d throw
up!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
pair met at Googie’s, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the</i> hip
place<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to see and be seen, and got along
like gangbusters. The rest is<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hollywood
history…but not<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>quite.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“
No one ever<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> really </i>got close to
Jimmy, “ she recalls, “He was a loner. The whole ‘James Dean set’ was invented
by the studios. I didn’t even know Sal Mineo. Natalie Wood was just a stupid
little girl with a crush on him- she had a crush on everybody! Deennis Hopper
was the only one who really admired him. People would fall in love with him at
the movie theaters, but would’nt even recognize him on the street.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As far as their personal relationship goes,
Vampira will only concede to telling short anecdotes like The Postcard Story.
But she admits,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“We
saw each other’s psyche reflected in each other, like Cocteau’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Les Enfants Terribles</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just
around the time of Dean’s death, she was blacklisted by the ABC<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Netwrok for refusing to relinquish the rights
to the Vampira copyright to them. The day the contract was annulled,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she was planning on having a small party with
Dean to celebrate her freedom, but it turned out to be the day he was
buried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vampira went into seclusion and
eventually passed through the public’s forgetfulness and imagination into
nothing more than a puzzle-piece in the Dean legend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Jimmy
died at the right time; he’s immortal,” she said, “His glory is bigger than
valentino’s.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Aside
from a few pulp magazine articles with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>lurid titles like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vampira And The
Ghost Of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>James Dean </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maila and her alter ego<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>vanished almost entirely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The blacklist was in full effect and people
in the biz<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>either wouldn’t touch her, or
couldn’t get in touch with her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
was at the ABC offices and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>one man said,
‘Do you know what’s in my bottom drawer? Over $60,000.00 worth of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>offers for guest appearances for you, and we
have refused every one of them.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
that was just for the month of January! I couldn’t get any work at all- I was cleaning
people’s houses and going back to my furnished room…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
1956,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hack director extraordinaire<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Edward G. Wood met<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maila at a part at Bela Lugosi Jr.’s house.
He was working on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Plan 9</i> and wondered
if she’d want a part in it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Well,
I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>asked how much, and he<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was paying $200.00 for one day of work, so
naturally I accepted- I was penniless. They weren’t a big movie company, you
know. No limousines or anything like that. I went to the job every day on the
RTD bus in my Vampira get-up.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
launches into a gale of giggles before continuing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The
dialog was terrible so I played the part mute. They were all amateurs. Wood was
supposed to be wild- a transvestite, things like that- but they all just struck
me as a bunch of half-assed backwoods people. I couldn’t imagine anyone<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> believing</i> it or wanting to see it, but
it ran on 42<sup>nd</sup> Street in New York for ages, and look at it now!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At
a recent<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Los Angeles<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>screening at the Nuart Theater, Nurmi tried
to attend but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was refused because the
show was sold out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“My
friend was saying ‘But this is Vampira, don’t you see? She hasn’t ever seen the
movie and she wants to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’ll stand in
the aisle…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man at the box office<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>replied, “Vampira is dead.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Such
was the extent of her reclusiveness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once
in an interview, she lamented, “My whole life has been one big Halloween
party!” and maybe<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>most of it has been.
But<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like a true vampire, she will live
forever with her otherworldly beauty and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>her image as <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The Girl Of Your Screams”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Think
of Vampira at The Witching Hour, and hopefully all of you<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dahlings out there will have the good fortune
to have wondrously bad dreams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">#</span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVVOOQ13X4SylK-HjuvTQAfGLB9dZZixnpdzqqqCYGOKGn-YV20IHGXRRcmRHM4A_h5_KZhmqJ85Uz1UYKb7QkGQCU_X2wDKmmUjA0m_YQpDdo7BLFQvr2_aqGD_AQ-2BGrpycsHLe1oQD/s1600/Vampira+Poster.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVVOOQ13X4SylK-HjuvTQAfGLB9dZZixnpdzqqqCYGOKGn-YV20IHGXRRcmRHM4A_h5_KZhmqJ85Uz1UYKb7QkGQCU_X2wDKmmUjA0m_YQpDdo7BLFQvr2_aqGD_AQ-2BGrpycsHLe1oQD/s1600/Vampira+Poster.JPG" height="640" width="544" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my prized possessions: a signed poster given to me by Maila herself</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> "The night owls will fly...the devils will brew</o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p>Halloween is the night for Vampira and you</o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p>The movies are Horrors at the stroke of eleven</o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p>Vampira's just dying to meet you on Seven!" </o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find me on online:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.princessfarhana.com/">www.princessfarhana.com</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.com/">www.pleasantgehman.com</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com/">www.pleasantgehman.blogspot.com</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.princessraqs.blogspot.com/">www.princessraqs.blogspot.com</a> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman">www.facebook.com/pleasant.gehman</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/princess.farhana">www.facebook.com/princess.farhana</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana">www.twitter.com/PrincessFarhana</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1">www.twitter.com/PleasantGehman1</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><a href="http://www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood">www.instagram.com/princessofhollywood</a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974003328150354586.post-14391515920610817672014-10-05T13:18:00.001-07:002016-04-28T18:40:13.177-07:00THE WESTSIDE PIERS<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBuPzcesoXENzqHY9DHwFXO0pEgoJd94t5j0BG-8j4iwl_ZjuGZuLH0ooA8LtOedNeG_0zSWlbCufxEsZUSOq8mzvmOewOZTQ8t1RL4FT0iWOfQmpYwv33OYmnTq0oj_f7Ac2fF8iTtdVz/s1600/CBGB+1977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBuPzcesoXENzqHY9DHwFXO0pEgoJd94t5j0BG-8j4iwl_ZjuGZuLH0ooA8LtOedNeG_0zSWlbCufxEsZUSOq8mzvmOewOZTQ8t1RL4FT0iWOfQmpYwv33OYmnTq0oj_f7Ac2fF8iTtdVz/s1600/CBGB+1977.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">CBGB in the late 1970's</td></tr>
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the late ‘70s, I lived on Manhattan’s Lower East
Side, in a sprawling loft at the top of a six-story walk-up<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>building. I’d gone to New York for a short visit and wound up staying for months, living with Kristian Hoffman of the Mumps and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bradley Field, drummer for Teenage Jesus And
The Jerks. Their loft<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>had formerly been
a silver plating factory, and for $25.00 a month in rent, a pre-Cramps and Gun Club Kid Congo and I moved
in as their tenants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kristian and Bradley were Bowery homesteaders, the only tenants who
actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lived </i>in the building, which
also housed some <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sweatshops and Sons Of
Italy meeting hall, as well as the office of the landlord<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yat Ting Moy, a Chinese doctor who giggled
when he saw the loft bed Kristian and Bradley had constructed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Bed in the sky!” Dr. Moy said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though Kristian and Bradley had made the place more than
habitable, with a bathtub salvaged from the street, a huge collection of vintage Halloween decorations, and moth-eaten taxidermy, the loft was pretty
dirty… well, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">floor</i> was, anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how hard we all scrubbed, it was
always dark with old tarnish from the plating factory, and our feet were
constantly black.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bands would practice
there almost every night: The Mumps and Teenage Jesus of course, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>also James Chance and The Contortions, The
Fast, and a side project of Lydia Lunch’s called Beirut Slump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was consumed with rock and roll and that
was one of the reasons I was in New York to begin with, because you could walk
five blocks down the Bowery and see The Cramps, The Deadboys, Television, The
Talking Heads, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Richard Hell , The Ramones or Blondie<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>at CBGB’s, any night of the week. But sometimes
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all of the bands’ practicing got to me,
too much of a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took to
sitting up on the roof of the building, hanging laundry on the clotheslines we’d
strung and then just hanging out, writing in my diary or surveying the endless
sea of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>buildings, a sea of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tar paper, pipes, chimneys, laundry lines, and water
towers spreading to the East River in one direction and to the Hudson in the
other. For even<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>more quiet in the midst
of the city, I’d take <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>long walks across
the Village to the decrepit piers lining the Hudson River on Manhattan’s West
Side under the highway. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kevin, my boyfriend
at the time and the main reason I was in New York, was the one that introduced
me to the piers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was wonderful: a
kind, talented, funny sensitive man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
played bass in the Mumps, and worked at a store that sold party goods and
novelties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had giant blue eyes,
chiseled features, and a slightly femme James Dean look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was also gay, but that didn’t really
matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We bonded immediately – could
read each other’s mind, had exactly the same sense of humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was my boyfriend, we were in love, really,
we adored each other—but we never actually had sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We kissed and held hands a lot, but that was
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d spend hours at night at Max’s
or at bars like The Ninth Circle, then take our separate subway trains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I was probably the only person he
ever met at the piers during the daylight hours. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At night, the piers were overrun with drug dealers,
hustlers, johns, and vicious, strung-out Puerto Rican drag queens who’d rob
their tricks blind at knifepoint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
were tractor trailers parked at the loading docks and the inky shadows
surrounding them seethed <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with anonymous
night crawlers cruising for rough trade and older businessmen taking a Walk On
The Wild Side, trying to buy some hot young ass, stepping over puddles of piss
, slipping on spilled semen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in the mid-afternoon solitude, in the wintry sunlight or
late summer golden pink <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>haze, looking
across the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>choppy, silvery river to the
Jersey Palisades, the piers were beautiful and not dangerous, except maybe <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">structurally.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every so often you’d hear about one caving
in. On the Jersey shore, there were ancient-looking factories blackened with
the soot of their own belching smokestacks. Topped with grimy neon signs that
appeared unchanged since the ‘50s, if not before then. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>CHOCK FULL
O’NUTS…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THE HEAVENLY COFFEE, WISE POTATO
CHIPS, SAVARIN, and ironically enough, USE CRISCO.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me and Kevin used to
laugh about that one, wondering how many other pier-cruisers ever caught on to
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was always a faintly brackish
smell of seawater mingled with the stench of the trash barges, the diesel fuel
of the sightseeing Circle Line crafts, tugboats, and the Staten Island
Ferry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seagulls wheeled overhead and
pigeons cooed on the wooden pilings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Depending on which pier you were on, you could clearly see
the Statue of Liberty or maybe even the George Washington Bridge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once in a while, you’d be joined by a quiet
derelict <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>looking for a place to crash or
someone who wanted to smoke a joint in peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The piers were a good place to meetyou could get mugged or killed at
night, but during the daytime people respected each other’s privacy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kevin and I would talk for hours about
everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d meet there almost every
day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kevin has been dead for many years, but I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>still treasure those times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In hindsight, I think we helped each other
grow up out there on the river, two lost souls barely out of our teens, trying
to make sense <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of the insane world we
were living in. We’d smoke a joint, and water would slap against the support
beams; you could always see it moving as you stared down through the cracks of
the weathered boards and asphalt-covered planks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was calming to face the Palisades and
watch the afternoon slowly turn to lavender twilight, and to know you could be
with someone, sharing the moment without words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes it would seem as thought it was very early in the century; it
was easy to imagine foreign steamers chugging into the harbor, bringing
thousands of immigrants to Ellis Island…until the shrill horns of the rush-hour
taxis or the rumble of the West Side Highway above and behind you cut into the
illusion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>crazed hubbub
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of the city would almost, but not quite,
muffle the moaning that was beginning to come from inside the long-unused
warehouses, the early-bird rentboys gathering in the shadows, turning their
first tricks as darkness fell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN38BmZ7ppdaVJ7xaeZpNKcmzAk2YJcMqWuMC0AcoM1uEYrQlFOIuUcjYN58cpSzHTnNKrwnBRbXDUylwKGFS2iQJSCvUKGxoXcCQgctWtSZWHhbByUd8dHH0yedI6A2Ha4bdgz_R_ezDZ/s1600/Kevin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN38BmZ7ppdaVJ7xaeZpNKcmzAk2YJcMqWuMC0AcoM1uEYrQlFOIuUcjYN58cpSzHTnNKrwnBRbXDUylwKGFS2iQJSCvUKGxoXcCQgctWtSZWHhbByUd8dHH0yedI6A2Ha4bdgz_R_ezDZ/s1600/Kevin.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kevin Kiely & me, 1978 Photo: Theresa Kereakes</td></tr>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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#</div>
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<span style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14.0pt;">NOVEMBER
5th, 12th, 19th, 2014, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOS ANGELES:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 19px;">IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU: MEMOIR WRITING WORKSHOP</span></div>
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<span style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WITH PLEASANT GEHMAN<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 19px;">Wednesday evenings 7:45-10:00 PM</span></div>
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<span style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1954 ½ Rodney Drive LA CA 90027 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> Space is limited</o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 19px;">!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #10121b; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For more info: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/749269365140806/">https://www.facebook.com/events/749269365140806/</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh44HRVNBvrfyiKxqXx6n9XF291qh2pXRNr16KC433G9UosKPlQE9IbzrSGTr2I6r_LuBvwJ_Is98_sbU1i2270eiSDtWEvWYqFMX1AnniLhpco6ohfvNbTuOZNHomsHT-9z796ZCWCh1YJ/s1600/Memoir+banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh44HRVNBvrfyiKxqXx6n9XF291qh2pXRNr16KC433G9UosKPlQE9IbzrSGTr2I6r_LuBvwJ_Is98_sbU1i2270eiSDtWEvWYqFMX1AnniLhpco6ohfvNbTuOZNHomsHT-9z796ZCWCh1YJ/s1600/Memoir+banner.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<!--EndFragment--> Pleasant Gehman/Princess Farhanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06751187419621068979noreply@blogger.com0