BONDAGE 101

Welcome to my new blog!

The story you are about to read was first published in  LA Weekly, in 2002. My new memoir collection, Showgirl Confidential will be published in late September on Punk Hostage Press.

A book signing party for Showgirl Confidentialwill take place Sunday, Sept. 29, 2013 at Skinny's Lounge, 4923 Lankershim Blvd, North Hollywood, CA, 6:30-9:30pm. The official launch party & reading is Wednesday, October 16, at Skylight Books,1818 N. Vermont Ave., Los Feliz,CA, at 7:00pm.

 Both events are free!

BONDAGE 101

 My new boyfriend and I are having a charged yet awkward New Relationship Moment, grinning at each other with a mixture of infatuation and self-consciousness. It’s not about to be our first kiss, we’ve already gone way beyond that. My dating M.O. has never been conventional, but this is different: we’re in the middle of  a dungeon.

 To be specific, we’re seated side-by-side on a regulation-sized, black vinyl-covered gynecologist table complete with stirrups, surrounded by shelves of sensory-deprivation masks and restraints, facing a wall-rack hung with whips, chains and riding crops. We’re tied to each other with a length of thick black rope.  I’m having one of those ironic  mental flashes that occur when you’re in the middle of doing something that could be considered wrong, immoral or perverse… and you catch yourself thinking,

 “Hi Mom!”

 What makes this situation odd for me is not what we’re doing or where we are, but that the room is full of strangers. What makes it a little more normal is that everyone else here is doing the same thing we are: performing an assignment in a class. Tonight, we’re all attending Bondage 101.

Taught by two of the most well-known and highly regarded and sought-after professional dominas in town, (not to mention the international fetish community) Bondage 101 is just one in a continuing series of monthly workshops. For the past couple of years, based upon their combined decades of experience, the duo has been holding classes teaching the finer points of BDSM including coaching on spanking, sensory deprivation, flogging, and the like.

  Like any adult education class, the twenty or so people in attendance are a mix of young and old, gay and straight. Almost everyone is dressed in jeans and t-shirts, though perhaps there are a few more piercings and tattoos than would be found at your average Learning Annex course. One or two students are busily scribbling away in notebooks, and many seem to be pals, laughing and joking. Tonight’s class is being filmed for a documentary, and a camerawoman moves through the crowd as unobtrusively as possible.  Besides my boyfriend and me, there seems to be only two other couples. There’s an average-looking man dressed in Entertainment-Biz Casual whose  date is sporting pigtails and a Catholic school uniform, and a heavily made up person of indeterminate gender, holding a chain  attached to the spiked collar of a slip-clad woman who is sitting on the floor.  Aside from the woman in the slip, it’s hard to tell who’s a Top and who’s a Bottom. During a break in the class, a strapping clean-cut, rosy-cheeked guy who I’d pegged as a top derives more than a little pleasure from dropping trou and getting a birthday spanking from the entire class.  Appearances- even in this world where roles and looks are more defined than usual- can be deceiving. Except for the Mistresses, of course.

  Even seated in folding chairs like glamorously evil talk show hosts, they ooze with authority and control. An imposing duo, they present a contrast in opposites, and work well together. One is a sultry brunette with piercing eyes; the other is a pale, blue-eyed blonde, the epitome of Ice Queen. Both look every inch the dominatrix, even without the cliché uniform of corsets, fishnets and spike-heeled boots. Like their students, they are dressed down tonight, but their body language and composure says it all.  In head-to-toe black, and crisply tailored blazers, they present an impression of … maybe Goth movie studio execs or perhaps a duo of wicked news anchors.

But right now, the Mistresses are unconcerned with roles or appearances, focusing primarily on safety. In well- modulated tones sprinkled with both humorous and cautionary anecdotes, they go through the finer points of performing bondage safely, something that apparently even experienced practitioners may not always implement.  Some of what they discuss is pure – but rarely practiced- common sense. For example: ideally, both parties should be sober. And seriously…who ever thinks of taking a partner’s medical history, or even about asking when the last time they ate? Fainting could be potentially life threatening in a dungeon situation. The Blonde goes through a list of supplies to have within at arm’s reach or on your person during a session, simple items like a handcuff key, smelling salts, or scissors. Who wants to waste precious seconds fumbling through drawers for a scissors when a slave is choking on a ball gag and you can’t undo a knot or rip off some duct tape?

 The Brunette lists sensitive areas of the body to avoid binding for health and safety reasons, and adds that whichever person is in charge should routinely check with their captive about pins and needles sensations in extremities, which is never a good sign- especially when one is hog-tied! She expounds on the myriad types of ropes and restraints, and the drawbacks of using certain materials. Silk scarves? Maybe in a cheesy movie, but in real life…forget it! They don’t give= and can easily cause nerve damage and apparently, the wrists are quite vulnerable. 

The Brunette explains that her fascination with bondage began in her teens. Having grown up on a Midwestern farm, she was adept at the knots and hitches used for roping livestock. As a teen, instead of drinking and engaging in Lover’s Lane parking, she’d bring her dates to the barn and tie them up with bailing twine, which evidently served it’s purpose back then, although she doesn’t really recommend it now.

 Meanwhile, The Blonde delves into a drawer, pulling out various restraints, introducing each one like a movie star at a premiere. There are common items like handcuffs, moving up to more exotic and intricate immobilization devices. A full-body suspension system is revealed, along with practical architectural advice for its installation in a home.  An entire segment of the class is devoted to collars, and appearance versus practicality.

 Lengths of ropes are passed around the class in kindergarten show-and-tell-style as The Brunette starts a step-by-step demonstration of basic knots. The early Go-Go’s song “Fun With Ropes” goes through my head as The Brunette urges everyone to partner up and try out the maneuvers she has just taught, while she moves through the dungeon, checking the work.

 Dubiously picking up the practice rope I’ve been handed, I hope I’ve correctly absorbed the information as I turn to my date.

 “Right hand or left?” I ask.

  He raises an eyebrow and says archly,

“Oh, you’re going to tie me up?”

  I explain that I figured we’d take turns on each other. After a pause, he offers his left arm, which I slowly and carefully bind, trying to reproduce a basic hitch The Brunette claimed was popularized in vintage Bettie Page photos. It takes me a while, but when it’s done, it’s… not bad for an amateur. I admire my handiwork before holding out my own arm. My boyfriend replicates the knot so swiftly I’m amazed he’s such a quick study. Then it dawns on me: He’s done this before.

So here we are, on a black vinyl gynecologist table, in a dungeon full of strangers… and I’ve just discovered something pretty intriguing about my new boyfriend. The Brunette appears in front of us, nodding approvingly as she checks our handiwork. Then she realizes we’re attached.

She yanks our connected arms up, yelling to the entire class,

 “ Look at the lovebirds! They've tied themselves together!  Isn’t that cute?”

For a few panicky seconds, I fear we’ve unwittingly committed a huge BDSM social faux pas. And then, as if on cue, like guests at a wedding, everyone smiles our way and sighs in unison,

 “Aaaaaaw!”